The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Polls Show Americans Don't Know What The Hell They Want, Except Both Parties To Kindly F-Off!
Ugh, like make up your mind already, America! Last week, Democrats were supposed to be on their Obama-made(?) death beds after a generic Gallup poll showed Republicans taking a record-setting 10-point lead, putting them in prime position to retake the House of Representatives and enact all of the fabulous ideas they've had, like ummm, sending the Mexicans and A-rabs back to Mexicanland or Arabia or whatever it is that scary dark people (like Obama!) come from. Hmmm, Kendonesia?
Republicans also had the advantage in voter enthusiasm (these 'baggers are super psyched to vote!), what with the recent Glenn Beckapalooza where obese wheelchair-bound patriots motor-scooted around the National Mall lugging coolers of lard and waving American flags to express their love of deep fried freedom. Not to mention the always exciting Koran-burning bonfires to demonstrate their Grand Ol' love of country using Nazi tactics, waving "Obamar is a Muslin" signs, and shrieking about how Blacky NObama is destroying America by helping the gross poors not die in the streets.
But noooooooo. All of a sudden, in the very same poll this week, the two parties are suddenly tied??
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get your story straight America! Unless someone doesn't mind looking all wishy-washy gay like!
I mean it's not that hard...which one are you?? Are you some elitist, Socialist, queer, poor 'n Mexican loving loser Democrat schlub who believes in silly things like equality and justice, or are you a strong, strapping white male with a Jesus saves T-shirt, .45 magnum in your pocket, and Caucasian chip on your broad, massive shoulder, who thinks making America great means shipping out NObama and anyone else whose skin color is not beautiful milky white, and leadership consists of more than shocking and awing the sh*t out of poor, desert countries, for like freedom, fun, 'n oil?
Cause otherwise, you, America, run a serious risk of being some fickle diva, not knowing what the hell you're talking about, unless it has to do with dancing in a strippers outfit with B-list Stars on ABC or fat orange dwarfs, drinking, sexting, and licking some dude's "Situation" on the Jersey Shore.
Or even worse, people might start getting the idea that you are actually, dare I say, Bi(partisan)-curious?
But either way, most of this whole 'politics' stuff, by which I of course mean government generally not working at all, except when it comes to smart bombing civilians in faraway Muslimy sounding places and/or fleecing the poor to give to give tax breaks to the rich, will remain the same. Amen!
Yay for Freedom, Yay for America! Praise Jeebus! USA! USA! USA!