WWJD? Probably Not Talk About Himself So Damn Much

Contrary to popular belief, Barack Hussein Obama is not a secret Muslim terrorist but a closet Jesus freak. He loves the son of God more than anyone, including the #1 undisputed king of Christianity George W. Bush.

In his first five months as president of the world, Barack Obama has already mentioned El Savior about a million times--and that's way more than Mr. Born Again Bush ever did.

Trust me. Obama's dropped the J bomb more times than Dubya dropped smart bombs on the Mideast. Whether he's talking about abortion, the Middle East, the economy, college graduations or any other issue that involves a crowd and TV crews, President Barack Obama finds some way to emphasize his deep love of Jesus Christ, his lord and savior.

Which is a sharp departure from Bush, who despite being hand-selected by God himself to be Commander-in-Chief, never talked openly about his faith. He just gave subtle hints.

Like the day of his second inauguration as governor of Texas, when he proclaimed, “I believe that God wants me to be president.” Or when he declared in a presidential debate while governor of Texas that the philosopher he most identified with was Jesus.

And of course there was the time Bush was asked whether he’d talked to his father, the 85-year-old-and-still-skydivingformer President George H.W. Bush, about the decision to invade Iraq and responded by saying, “There is a higher father that I appeal to.”

But these two devout believers have very different reasons for wearing their faith on their sleeves.

For Obama, all this Godspeak offers the man a chance to connect with the 83 percent of Americans who believe in God. Plus, by constantly throwing out some Christian love, Obama is also hoping to convince the 11 percent of Americans who still believe that he is in fact a closet Muslim.

But some like disgruntled former Bush staffer David Kuo worry that all this unprotected sex between politics and religion could spell trouble.

“When God becomes identified with a political agenda, God gets screwed.”

True. But maybe this time around, America won't.

The Uncompromised Soul Of George W. Bush

President Bush may know he is unpopular. Hated even. But he's feeling pretty good anyway. Is he suffering from the same delusion that has felled so many a politician before him?

Nah. Not this guy. In an interview with Fox News, still-president George W. Bush explains why he is not bothered by the fact that no one likes him.

"What do you expect? We've got a major economic problem and I'm the president during the major economic problem. I mean, do people approve of the economy? No. I don't approve of the economy. I've been a wartime president. I've dealt with two economic recessions now. I've had, hell, a lot of serious challenges. What matters to me is I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy."

Duh. How can you compromise something you never had?

Bush To Shoe-Bomber: Bring It On!

President Bush's popularity in the Middle East continued to soar on Sunday when an Iraqi journalist showed his love for the U.S. leader by hurling two shoes at him and shouting, "This is a goodbye kiss, you dog!"

Bush, who loves games and athletic competitions of all sorts, nimbly dodged the shoe-barrage, but thanked the man for spicing up the otherwise dull news conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki to mark the signing of a U.S.-Iraq security agreement.

Feeling good about his agile performance, Bush was all smiles after the sneak(er) attack, joking to reporters that the weapon of choice appeared to be a size 10.

Bodyguards quickly wrestled shoe-bombing journalist Muthathar al Zaidi to the floor and hauled him from the room, further delighting the President, who was upset over having to miss Sunday football for the secret trip.

Bush praised his security team for the awesome tackle and thanked the Iraqis for making him feel right at home.

Besides, Bush added, "If he's as good throwing the pigskin as he is with rubber, I may just have found myself the star new QB for my fantasy league!"

White House To Obamas: Sorry We're Booked!

Blair House: No Early Obamas Allowed!

The ever-classy Bush family turned down a request from president-elect Barack Obama to move into the White House's guest quarters early so his two children Sasha and Malia can start school on time like normal kids on Jan. 5.

Unfortunately, the Obama's were informed that Blair House, where incoming presidents usually stay in the five days before Inauguration Day, is already booked for early January by someone who is apparently more important than they are.

Although a White House spokesman said no foreign dignitaries were scheduled, and the Bush's did not have any family or friends visiting during that time, the Blair House has been booked for “receptions and gatherings by members of the outgoing Bush administration that don’t make it suitable for full-time occupancy by the Obamas yet.”

You hear that Obamas?

The Bush's have important things to do before their graceful exit from power and need another place besides the cramped White House where Laura can get some knitting done in peace and quiet and George can hold his no-girls-allowed-secret-boys-only meetings without interruptions from Barney (or Laura, hehe).

Not so some "kids" can start school on time and the president-elect's family can have some sweet pad to crash at.

Nice try, though.

Revenge Of The Nerds: Global Leader Edition!

Unless still-president George W. Bush has the Ebola virus, I would say the refusal by every world leader to shake the man's hand at last weekend's G20 Economic Summit probably has something to do with them hating every single thing his administration has done over the last eight years.

I like to call it the grownup version of the bully on the playground finally getting what he deserves after years of brutal spitball soaked, pigtail pulling terror.

But instead of getting his underwear painfully pulled over his head, Bush gets the cold shoulder, er handshake from basically every major world leader (you know you've screwed up when even the Dutch Finance Minister refuses to shake your hand!)

But don't despair, Dubya! It's not all bad. I hear Estonia and Zimbabwe are waiting for you in the sandbox.

Oh how the mighty fall!

Bush In Brighter Days

The Not-At-All Awkward Obama-Bush White House Meeting

So Happy Together

President-elect Barack Obama isn't wasting any time showing us who the big dog is these days. Now, this is a man who wants to get shit done!

Just days after his historic election victory, Barack Obama has already begun putting his ambitious agenda into action.

In less than a week, Obama held a press conference where he outlined his plan to tackle the economic crisis, humored reporters by answering their typical dumb questions, like what former presidents he's been talking to (hmm, the alive ones maybe?) and what books he's been reading (who the f cares?), appointed key cabinet members like new White House chief of staff Rep. Rahm Emanuel (a close friend and fellow Chicagoan who also happens to be really Jewish), and announced his intentions to use executive powers to reverse Bush administration decisions on such issues as stem cell research and domestic drilling.

Which is why Monday's meeting at the White House might have been a little awkward. And not just because George and Laura are not used to having "colored folks" visit.

To be fair, they were more than gracious hosts--Michelle and Laura chatted and looked pretty, and Laura showed her around the new digs.

George even offered Barack some hand-sanitizer, which was very nice of Dubya. But, he knows you can't be too careful with germs these days.

I guess it's always a little awkward when you invite the person who is about to replace you over for a meeting and they explain how they really like you and think you're great, but are going to waste no time trying to reverse every god-awful policy you've enacted over the last eight years.

And to think, he actually shared his hand-sanitizer with you. Ingrate!

Like Soulmates, These Two!