Showing posts with label Ratings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ratings. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

OMG, Glenn Beck's Deteriorating Ratings (& Mind!) May Get Him Dropped From Fox In A Massive Conspiracy To Stop It From Being The Golden-Voiced Homeless Man Of News Networks


There goes the price of gold gold-plated coins!

The arugula-eating liberal elitists over at the New York Times have peered into their (Swarovski) crystal ball to see what the future holds for America's #1 favoritest golden haired weeping prophet of doom, Glenn Beck, and his one-man amateur puppet show/truth crusade at Fox News.

And much like the fate of humanity, it doesn't look good.

His audience has dropped by a third since his glorious "I Have A Dream" MLK Teabagger rally for white people this summer, most advertisers (not in the faux gold collectible business) won't touch Glenn's increasingly insane George Soros/Planned Parenthood's/Islamic Jihad global conspiracy chalkboard drawing presentations with a ten foot pole, and his ratings among younger viewers are falling precipitously because apparently, only those who drink Ensure and wear Depends are comforted by a raging paranoid schizophrenic madman with delusions of grandeur shrieking at them about the impending death and destruction, thanks to Muslims, abortionists, Socialist presidents from Kenya, and of course, the Jews.

Could this really be the end of the blessed Jesus-approved union between one manic depressive madman and one womanizing faux news network of washed up former Hooters waitresses and shameless rightwing propaganda?

New York Times reporter David Carr explains:
Mr. Beck, a conservative Jeremiah and talk-radio phenomenon, burst into television prominence in 2009 by taking the forsaken 5 p.m. slot on Fox News and turning it into a juggernaut...He achieved unheard-of ratings, swamped the competition and at times seemed to threaten the dominion of Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity at Fox.
But a funny thing happened on the way from the revolution. Since last August, when he summoned more than 100,000 followers to the Washington mall for the “Restoring Honor” rally, Mr. Beck has lost over a third of his audience on Fox — a greater percentage drop than other hosts at Fox. True, he fell from the great heights of the health care debate in January 2010, but there has been worrisome erosion — more than one million viewers — especially in the younger demographic.
He still has numbers that just about any cable news host would envy and, with about two million viewers a night, outdraws all his competition combined. But the erosion is significant enough that Fox News officials are willing to say — anonymously, of course; they don’t want to be identified as criticizing the talent — that they are looking at the end of his contract in December and contemplating life without Mr. Beck.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait just a second! His audience has fallen by a third since his magical Teabagger rally this summer??

So I guess a miracle really did occur that day! A large percentage of Glenny's audience has fallen and can't get up!

But the big question remains, why was no one wearing their life alerts why force this blue-eyed, baby-faced, intellectual savior and messenger of truth off television, now?
The problem with “Glenn Beck” is that it has turned into a serial doomsday machine that’s a bummer to watch. 
What had been a fast and loose assault on all things liberal has grown darker and less entertaining, especially with the growing revolution in the Middle East, a phenomenon Mr. Beck sees as something of a beginning to some kind of end. He’s often alone in the studio with his chalkboards and obscure factoids, a setting that reminds me of an undergrad seminar on macroeconomics with an around-the-bend professor I didn’t particularly enjoy. 
Or a 2001 Academy Award winner starring Russell Crowe?
As he grabbed all the disparate strands from around the globe and tied them into a great, grand bow of doom, he ambled alone between various blackboards, each jammed with portentous bullet points. He often looked away from the camera into a middle distance as he spoke of a calamity that only he can see.
“He used to be a lot funnier,” said David Von Drehle, who wrote the article in Time magazine. “He was the befuddled everyman and something entirely new, but the longer people have listened to his ranting and raving, the wearier they become. Now you are just getting down to diehards. I mean, how many people were in the Waco compound at the end? A couple of hundred?” 
Oh what, you think every mentally ill schmuck with basic cable gets to join the Rapture??
Joel Cheatwood, a senior vice president of development for Fox News and the executive in charge of the show, thinks it’s silly to suggest that the American viewing public’s romance with Mr. Beck is on the wane — he’s trouncing his competition — but says that keeping the show upbeat is something he discusses with Mr. Beck.
“We have talked about that, at his instigation,” Mr. Cheatwood said. “It is really important that no matter how dire he thinks things are or what horrible direction things may be going from his perspective that the show maintains a sense of hope.”
“What you see on television with Glenn is the real guy,” he added, “and that is a double-edged sword. If he is upset about something, you see it.”
With all that Vick's VapoRub he poured into his peepers, you God damn better!

Poor Beckerheads. Where will they get their daily dose of the absurd, incoherent ramblings of a syphilitic mind now?

Sarah Palin's Twitter? Charlie Sheen's Tiger Korner?

But still, Beck remained thankful.
“Two years ago, I was on a cable channel that no one was watching at the time, doing a show that no one was watching, and I was about to leave television. And then I had the opportunity to come and work here,” he said. “If you’re going to do news or commentary, the only place, I think in the world, the only place that really makes an impact is Fox.”
In the same way that a massive asteroid slamming into Planet Earth made "an impact" on the dinosaurs.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

President Obama Hopes A Li'l History-Making Daytime Chat With The Ladies (Oh & Whoopi Too!) Will Provide A Rosier View Of Things


What do you do when you're the once-charming, suddenly unpopular, most powerful person in all the world?

Why, you go on ABC's popular teevee show with the three ladies and that one insane, talking muumuu named Whoopi or Whopper or whatever, and pray to the television gods that Babs Walters, unemployed homemakers, and orgasm-inducing shampoo commercials are just the magic touch needed to restore all that hopey-changey feel goodness of your 2008 View-fueled Mojo!

Who needs leaked Afghan memos, endless, boring Republican obstructionism, or renegade racist states like Aryanzona when you can make history simply by wasting an hour on daytime television??
“We are so pleased and honored that President Obama will be a guest on The View. The President last appeared on the program in March 2008 while he was still a Senator -- and First Lady Michelle Obama was a featured guest co-host in June 2008. This shows that both the President and First Lady feel that our show is an influential and important source of information and news."
I mean how could that adorable back-up quarterback's wife's Teabagger ramblings, cutesy fashion sense, and daily tear-filled musings on the Bachelor not be considered important news? She was on Survivor for Christ Sake!

Babs totally agrees.
In honor of this rare occasion, creator/executive producer and co-host of The View Barbara Walters will make an exclusive in-studio appearance to mark this historic hour. "I’m also going to appear on The View Thursday for the first time since my open heart surgery in May. I will return full-time in September.”
Apparently, an orange dwarf named Snooki and six-pack with an Italian accent known as the Situation weren't enough for Ms. Walters' to throw back her down-quilted covers, change out of her robe and slippers, freshen up her face, Aqua Net her hair to perfection, and make her first appearance on the show since taking a hiatus to recover from heart surgery.

Barry, on the other hand, is a different story altogether!

Totally beats last month's Skype® with Sherri and the gals!

SO get excited, daytime television watching, estrogen-filled America!!

It will be oodles of fun now that the gang's all here! Not to mention, the guest of all guests, Barry Hussein NObama! Which sure as hell beats that Kate + Eight lady talking about her new 'do and all the fun, creative ways she's cooked up (the one thing she can cook!) to exploit her litter o' kids on the telly now!

President Obama’s interview, scheduled to tape on Wednesday, July 28th, will feature such sizzling hot topics as his "administration's accomplishments, jobs, the economy, the Gulf oil spill, and family life inside the White House."

Ugh, but what about all the important stuff like what he thinks of Mel's recent tape-recorder woes, Bristol and Levi's surprise nuptials, and LinLo's jail time??

Surely, they'll leave enough time for that!

So long as Whoopi doesn't come all drugged out again, and start incoherently rambling about how "we don't know who or what or where" to explain why all the troubled famous people she's BFF with are in fact not the insane racists and wife-abusing bastards we all thought they were, Joy doesn't go into one of her "So What, Who Cares" monologues about sagging breasts, hot middle aged sex, and other such challenges facing aging, hilarious, red-headed NY comedians who love liberal presidents almost as much a nice Merlot, warm bath, and not being married, we might be okay.

Provided, of course, that Elizabeth doesn't start crying about how stem cells are people, and why everyone is ignoring her because she loves freedom, and Sherri doesn't pass out from being thisclose to a real, live flesh 'n blood brotha with a hot bod (hotter job) and positively heart-melting smile, who manages to balance raising two daughters with the rigorous demands of leading the free world, without even peacing out on his nagging, needy wife, it should be a lovely, lady-filled good time!

Ooooh, she even taped it so Jeffrey and her can watch mama talk to Obama later. And then again, alone, after Jeffrey's gone to bed when it's just her, some silk pajamas, a box of Chips Ahoy, an oatmeal and cucumber mask, and her new boyfriend Barry to lull her softly to sleep.

Ooooh sweet sufferin' Jesus, this is one fine motherf**kin' View!

Good Lord, yes! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, she always knew you were listening up there, girl!!

Ooooh weeeee!