What do you do when you're the once-charming, suddenly unpopular, most powerful person in all the world?
Why, you go on ABC's popular teevee show with the three ladies and that one insane, talking muumuu named Whoopi or Whopper or whatever, and pray to the television gods that Babs Walters, unemployed homemakers, and orgasm-inducing shampoo commercials are just the magic touch needed to restore all that hopey-changey feel goodness of your 2008 View-fueled Mojo!
Who needs leaked Afghan memos, endless, boring Republican obstructionism, or renegade racist states like Aryanzona when you can make history simply by wasting an hour on daytime television??
“We are so pleased and honored that President Obama will be a guest on The View. The President last appeared on the program in March 2008 while he was still a Senator -- and First Lady Michelle Obama was a featured guest co-host in June 2008. This shows that both the President and First Lady feel that our show is an influential and important source of information and news."I mean how could that adorable back-up quarterback's wife's Teabagger ramblings, cutesy fashion sense, and daily tear-filled musings on the Bachelor not be considered important news? She was on Survivor for Christ Sake!
Babs totally agrees.
In honor of this rare occasion, creator/executive producer and co-host of The View Barbara Walters will make an exclusive in-studio appearance to mark this historic hour. "I’m also going to appear on The View Thursday for the first time since my open heart surgery in May. I will return full-time in September.”Apparently, an orange dwarf named Snooki and six-pack with an Italian accent known as the Situation weren't enough for Ms. Walters' to throw back her down-quilted covers, change out of her robe and slippers, freshen up her face, Aqua Net her hair to perfection, and make her first appearance on the show since taking a hiatus to recover from heart surgery.
Barry, on the other hand, is a different story altogether!
Totally beats last month's Skype® with Sherri and the gals!
SO get excited, daytime television watching, estrogen-filled America!!
It will be oodles of fun now that the gang's all here! Not to mention, the guest of all guests, Barry Hussein NObama! Which sure as hell beats that Kate + Eight lady talking about her new 'do and all the fun, creative ways she's cooked up (the one thing she can cook!) to exploit her litter o' kids on the telly now!
President Obama’s interview, scheduled to tape on Wednesday, July 28th, will feature such sizzling hot topics as his "administration's accomplishments, jobs, the economy, the Gulf oil spill, and family life inside the White House."
Ugh, but what about all the important stuff like what he thinks of Mel's recent tape-recorder woes, Bristol and Levi's surprise nuptials, and LinLo's jail time??
Surely, they'll leave enough time for that!
So long as Whoopi doesn't come all drugged out again, and start incoherently rambling about how "we don't know who or what or where" to explain why all the troubled famous people she's BFF with are in fact not the insane racists and wife-abusing bastards we all thought they were, Joy doesn't go into one of her "So What, Who Cares" monologues about sagging breasts, hot middle aged sex, and other such challenges facing aging, hilarious, red-headed NY comedians who love liberal presidents almost as much a nice Merlot, warm bath, and not being married, we might be okay.
Provided, of course, that Elizabeth doesn't start crying about how stem cells are people, and why everyone is ignoring her because she loves freedom, and Sherri doesn't pass out from being thisclose to a real, live flesh 'n blood brotha with a hot bod (hotter job) and positively heart-melting smile, who manages to balance raising two daughters with the rigorous demands of leading the free world, without even peacing out on his nagging, needy wife, it should be a lovely, lady-filled good time!
Ooooh, she even taped it so Jeffrey and her can watch mama talk to Obama later. And then again, alone, after Jeffrey's gone to bed when it's just her, some silk pajamas, a box of Chips Ahoy, an oatmeal and cucumber mask, and her new boyfriend Barry to lull her softly to sleep.
Ooooh sweet sufferin' Jesus, this is one fine motherf**kin' View!
Good Lord, yes! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, she always knew you were listening up there, girl!!