What's the only thing more terrifying than a deranged rodeo clown drawing swastikas on blackboards, err, on second thought, better make that chalkboards, weeping Vicks VapoRub tears on the teevee every night?
A slutty female(?) prostitute version of said rodeo clown wearing 10lbs of costume makeup, a straw hat, and organizing a petition to encourage America's favoritest weeping hero of freedom & faux tears, Glenn Lee Beck, to run for president in 2012.
Hooray?
In one of the creepiest and most bizarre videos (possibly of all time), the hell child of Glenn Beck and Pamela Anderson gives America a terrifying, extreme close-up of what happens when you pour an entire bottle of cheap drugstore foundation (for medium-dark skin tones) all over your face and whisper sweet-nothings begging dear, blue-eyed babe, Glenny Beck, to please please please be our next (legal!) president and return America to the shining pillar of peace and prosperity it was during the beautiful eight year reign of a cool, one-initialed cowboy named W.
Meet Robin Potwora, the straw hat sportin' spokesman for Main Street Bites Back, another trashy wingnut group dedicated to the very important (and probable!) goal of electing Glenn Lee Beck as the next awesome White Power President of 'Merica by terrifying unsuspecting web surfers in every corner of the globe.
I encourage you to visit the website of her "grassroots organization" if you, like myself, too enjoy bone-chilling robot voiced clips of (poorly!) illustrated popular political figures, including the dreaded Barack Obama and the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world Sarah Palin giving "uncensored shout-outs to Uncle Sam" (whatever the hell that means). Oh, and the bright fuchsia flapper hats and MS Paint animation are also highly effective!
Which is important because "our generation's George Washington" demands the absolute highest standards. Nothing but the very best!
Good thing the clown lady in the video gets this, because it is by using this tortured logic that Potwora realizes George Washington and Glenn Beck are totally like the same person, because neither one wanted the job as president, and that makes him just like our nation's first president. Obvs!!
Excuse me, what did you say? Glenn Beck doesn't want to be president? Neither did George Washington and look how that turned out! (Pretty darn good!)And clown spokeslady's who petition on behalf of born again George Washington's "re-Christened" with the moniker Glenn Beck to save humanity from smart presidents with working brains and sane policies (**shudder**) on America's new Independence Day, one of those days in November (right? Or was it October?) 2012, when throngs of dedicated GB (only one letter away from GW!) followers in heavy costume makeup launch an Electoral War to restore greatness to our glorious God & Glenn-blessed nation.
When will Glenn Beck receive our invitation to be a presidential candidate? A formal invitation will be presented to him in 1/2011. (Don't worry, true Becklievers will know the specific day!)
What if Glenn Beck declines our invitation to be a presidential candidate in 2012? Consequently the petition will serve as a thank you to him for all he has done for us. (Our suicidal thoughts have been replaced by unimaginable bliss!)
Will Glenn Beck know that I signed the petition? Yes, the name of every person who signs the petition will appear either on the invitation or in the video. (WOOOOHOOOO!! Is there even a point of living after that??)
How can I help? Send people to our website to sign the petition, collect signatures and send them to us through email or call them into us by phone. Send us 50 signatures and we'll mail you an exclusive 'Back Beck 2012' T-shirt! (You can even wear it when you record that awesome video in your mom's basement for the big, upcoming, "Be Glenn Beck For A Day Contest," the coolest thing in the world, 'cept for Freedom!)
Eh, on second thought, 2012 is like a thousand years away (and it's kinda weird we haven't kicked out Barry Hussein already), so let's just use our twin angel-white hair, and unparalleled mastery of the all mighty 'stitution of the 46-year-old grandiose manifestations of a dark, traumatic childhood to go ahead and boot that no-good tyrant NObama out of office and install Mormon Miracle President Glenn B. Washington in his place right this minute!
Liberty and its insane clown posse demands it!
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