Democratic congressional leaders happily hover around President Barack Obama as he signs the Dodd-Frank financial regulatory reform bill, giving the big, bad government sweeping oversight powers to regulate just how much Big Business/Wall Street is allowed to screw over dumb, everyday schmucks like you and me. Which, as it turns out, is not so much anymore! Hooray!
The bill, a hard-earned culmination of two years of fierce lobbying and intense debate over how to deal (or if you're a Republican, how NOT to deal) with the financial excesses and terrible hands-off policies that thrust the nation into the worst recession since the Great Depression, is another huge legislative victory for Barry the Terrible, and another devastating loss for the Grand Obstructionist Patriots who would love nothing more than to watch the dumb, suffering public stay poor, unemployed, and homeless for another four years, at least!
During the exciting White House signing ceremony, President Obama hailed the new legislation as a enormous victory for consumer protections and Wall Street accountability, and major step towards a sensible financial system that doesn't prey on the least fortunate, while rewarding those who urinate in diamond-encrusted gold toilets by spearheading one of the worst financial collapses in recent memory (except for maybe, John McCain of course!).
“These reforms represent the strongest consumer financial protections in history. Because of this law, the American people will never again be asked to foot the bill for Wall Street’s mistakes," President Obama said. "There will be no more taxpayer-funded bailouts. Period.”Ugh, then how will Morgan Stanley and Bear Stearns be able to hand out billion dollar bonuses courtesy of the dumb (now homeless) taxpayers, as a well-earned reward for all their hard work concocting various get-rich-quick-by-destroying-an-entire-economy-schemes??
“If you’ve ever applied for a credit card, a student loan, or a mortgage, you know the feeling of signing your name to pages of barely understandable fine print. But what often happens as a result, is that many Americans are caught by hidden fees and penalties, or saddled with loans they can’t afford.”
He said the law would crack down on abusive practices in the mortgage industry, simplifying contracts and ending hidden fees and penalties, “so folks know what they’re signing.”
Minds so white hot with scintillating brilliance, they even managed to melt an entire housing market. Wizards, I tell ya!
Let's just hope Cosmo model Scott Brown gets his usual cold feet and starts prattling on about hostile business climates, not spooking investors, and not $crewing over the nice men and women responsible for his wild oil-guzzling ride to Washington, and decides to rip that pen out of NObama's Socialist hands mid-stroke.
Oh no-zees! Guess that's not going to happen! NObama even gave those three traitors a collective shout-out—including Bangor Sisters Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe of Maine, and Scott Brown of nudie centerfolds—for breaking with their party to approve the bill, saying that they “put partisanship aside, judged the bill on the merits, and voted for reform.”
God damn those selfish bastards! Now, who's gonna get rich off the misfortunes of others? Who, I ask you, who?
Ugh, America is as good as dead.
Just like your portfolio.