Fresh off her keynote "speech" to wingnuts and white robe-wearing patriots at last week's "Freedom Fest" in Virginia, world famous Arctic drifter and empress of the North Pole took to her favoritest Facebook to do what she does best: no, no, not bilk the public out of moose piles of money, silly! The other thing she does so much better than anyone else: yelling at that terrible Socialist demon NObama on popular tween social networking sites....for freedom. Hooray!
In her most recent illuminating, likely ghostwritten (lest it's grammatically incorrect and makes zero sense) F-book status update, $arah Palin dropped a lengthy foreign policy manifesto outlining the key points from her Freedom Fest speech and came thisclose to actually formulating a coherent few sentences. This is harder than it sounds, my friends!
But before Miss thang could delve into the bloody, red meat of her latest very important
"Earlier this week, I spoke at the Freedom Fest in Norfolk, Virginia; and, evidently, the media was asked to leave – not by me, that’s for sure. I want my message out, so despite reporters making up a story about “Palin people kicking us out” (uh, the “Palin people” entourage would consist of one person – my 15-year-old daughter, Willow – and I have no doubt she could take on any reporter, but I know for certain she didn’t “kick ‘em out” of the event). Anyway, here are some of the key issues I spoke about."Got it, ya good-for-nothing louses? Any more tomfoolery from you hoity-toity media types and you, my friend, will enter a world of pain, Willow Palin style. And you better believe Mama Bear knows how to train her li'l cubs!
Palin on Defense Spending:
"It takes a lot of resources to maintain the best fighting force in the world – especially at a time when we face financial uncertainty and a mountain of debt that threatens all of our futures."Not to mention, coastal seas that used to be made of actual non-toxic, Dihydrogen monoxide instead of flaming globs of delicious British Petroleum! But eh, who really cares 'bout silly, hippie-dippie environmentally things like that?
"We have a federal government that is spending trillions, and that has nationalized whole sections of our economy: the auto industry, the insurance industry, health care, student loans, the list goes on – all of it at enormous cost to the tax payer. The cost of Obamacare alone is likely to exceed $2.5 trillion dollars."Ugh, why should we, hardworking decent folk, have to pay for your stupid diabetic grandma or leukemia-stricken kid just because your very nice health care company very reasonably suddenly dropped your coverage upon diagnosis and your double-shifts at the diner simply don't cut it?
This is America people, we pull ourselves up by our own God damn bootstraps!
"As a result of all these trillion dollar spending bills, America’s going bust in a hurry. By 2020 we may reach debt levels of $20 trillion – twice the debt that we have today! It reminds me of that joke I read the other day: “Please don’t tell Obama what comes after a trillion!"HAHAHAHAHAHA, but the funniest part is I don't know either! Umm, maybe around the amount I got upfront for my awesomest best-selling 432-page tribute to myself, Goin' Rogue??
"Something has to be done urgently to stop the out of control Obama-Reid-Pelosi spending machine, and no government agency should be immune from budget scrutiny. We must make sure, however, that we do nothing to undermine the effectiveness of our military. If we lose wars, if we lose the ability to deter adversaries, if we lose the ability to provide security for ourselves and for our allies, we risk losing all that makes America great!"Like bombing the bejesus out of every oil rich A-rab country we can for awesome democracy 'n stuff. USA! USA! USA! USA!
"Now don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing wrong with preaching fiscal conservatism. I want the federal government to balance its budget right now! And not the Washington way – which is raising your taxes to pay for their irresponsible spending habits. I want it done the American way: by cutting spending, reducing the size of government, and letting people keep more of their hard-earned cash."Ya know, the Barracuda way: trim the fat, scalp the hide, and throw that badboy up on the office wall like a real star 'n striped 'merican!
"This administration may be willing to cut defense spending, but it’s increasing it everywhere else. I think we should do it the other way round: cut spending in other departments – apart from defense. We should not be cutting corners on our national security."'Course we shouldn't! We don't need stinkin' public schools, roads, post offices, transportation, garbage collection, police officers, fire fighters, social security, medicare, or any other terrible socialist things like that.
On Obama's Foreign Policy Inheritance:
"When George W. Bush came into office, he inherited a military that had been cut deeply, an al Qaeda that had been unchallenged, and an approach to terrorism that focused on bringing court cases rather than destroying those who sought to destroy us. We saw the result of some of that on 9/11."Guess unlike moral, pure Jesus W. Bush, Slick Willy was too focused on some other things, and got a little shall we say distracted? Wink wink!
"When President Obama came into office, he inherited a military that was winning in Iraq. He inherited loyal allies and strong alliances. And thanks to the lamestream media pawing and purring over him, he had the benefit of unparalleled global popularity. What an advantage!"And to think, he didn't even do everything in his power (like shock 'n awe the sh*t out of the world) to squander it, the selfish jerk!
On the War on Terror:
"His administration has banned the phrase 'war on terror,' preferring instead politically correct nonsense like 'overseas contingency operations.' His Homeland Security Secretary calls acts of terrorism 'man-caused disasters.' His reckless plan to close Guantanamo (because there’s no place to go after it’s closed) faces bipartisan opposition now."Ummm, how about somewhere cold and dark that no one in their right mind would ever choose to inhabit, like say, Wasilla?
"A July 2011 date to begin withdrawal...This date was arbitrary! It bears no relation to conditions on the ground. It sends all the wrong signals to our friends and to our enemies. We know our commanders on the ground are not comfortable with it."Just pick up that Rolling Rock or Rolling Stone magazine thingamajig, ya know, the one with AK-47s coming out of Lady Gaga's tatas on the cover, if you don't believe it!
What they are comfortable with, however, is little ol' me in a string bikini and an American made M16 strapped across my still-smokin'-hot, I-can't-believe-she's-only-46-years-old, bod.
"As that great Navy war hero, Senator John McCain recently put it: 'The decision to begin withdrawing our forces from Afghanistan arbitrarily in July 2011 seems to be having exactly the effect that many of us predicted it would: It is convincing the key actors inside and outside of Afghanistan that the United States is more interested in leaving than succeeding in this conflict.'"What does that say about our unwavering commitment to waging unwinnable (trillion dollar) wars 24/7 'til there's no where left to invade? It says we're a bunch of quitters, that's what! And if there's anything America is not, it's a quitter! That's reserved for former half-term governors who honorably shirk their elected duties to tend to the private sector like a true American patriot, who bleeds red, white, and most importantly of all, green! Blue is overrated anyway!
On Coddling Adversaries:
"Meanwhile, the Obama Administration reaches out to some of the world’s worst regimes. They shake hands with dictators like Hugo Chavez, send letters to the Iranian mullahs and envoys to North Korea, ease sanctions on Cuba and talk about doing the same with Burma. That’s when they’re not on one of their worldwide apology tours."Maybe they should try one of the Grand Old Party's worldwide carnage tours for some real change we can believe.
"Do we get anything in return for all this bowing and apologizing? No, we don’t...And while President Obama lets America get pushed around by the likes of Russia and China, our allies are left to wonder about the value of an alliance with the U.S. They have to be wondering if it’s worth it."What do you think Tony Blair would say now? I, for one, don't think he would be so keen on siding with America, invading Iraq, and getting ousted from power in shameful disgrace any more, do you? Or take El Salvador and Estonia for example, where would America be without their solid, unconditional support and commitment to destroying a sovereign nation? This is the cost of alienating our friends! Think about it. Is this the kind of loner America (with nary a Poland to call your friend) we want to live in?
On an "Enemy-Centric" Foreign Policy (Sarah speak for not telling all the Asians and A-rabs to kiss her Arctic ass):
"When the world’s dictators see the United States unconcerned with human rights and political freedom, they breathe a sigh of relief, because they know they have a free hand to repress their own people."Or read speeches from even!
"This goes against the very ideals on which our republic was founded. There is a long bipartisan tradition of speaking out in favor of freedom – from FDR to Ronald Reagan. America loses something very important when its President consigns human rights and freedom to the back burner of its international priorities"Yes, we need a President who puts human rights and freedom to the back burner of its national priorities, like a real leader!
On a Different View of America:
"We have a President, perhaps for the very first time since the founding of our republic, who doesn’t appear to believe that America is the greatest earthly force for good the world has ever known."He doesn't even think America is the bestest, most awesomest, freedom-lovingest, Jesus-blessed nation ever to grace the face of God's (once) green earth! For shame, sir!
"When asked whether he believed in American exceptionalism, President Obama answered, 'I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect that the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.' Amazing. Amazing."
"It is in America’s and the world’s best interests for our country to remain the dominant military superpower, but under President Obama’s leadership that dominance may be slipping away. It’s the result of an agenda that reeks of complacency and defeatism."Not to mention organically grown arugula!
"I went on from there to talk about our need to end the negative, defeatist attitudes of those in leadership. I spoke further on American exceptionalism, and Willow and I ended a great evening with some great patriots. Sorry the media chose to report anything other than what actually happened at the event." – Sarah PalinGuess that's just what happens when you live in a nightmare dystopia where half black secret Muslim terrorists from Kenya hijack the White House en route to destroying America's hard-earned reputation as a dumb, lipstick wearing pitbull who drops not waste, but beautiful balls of freedom all over the world in adorable little packages that go KABOOM! when you open them.
Kinda like her favoritest holiday, Christmassacre! 'Cept without all the annoying good cheer.
Oh, you betcha!