Dick Cheney's Sleepless Nights

Eternal optimist and beacon of hope for all humanity, Dick Cheney isn't one to focus only on the negative. But even a ray of sunshine like himself knows danger when he sees it, and that danger is named Barack Hussein Obama.

Unlike that current menace in the White House, Dick knows that Bush administration policies on detention and interrogation of suspected terrorists "were absolutely essential to preventing another 9/11-style attack."

But since Obama doesn't care about keeping Americans safe, he's decided to modify a number of the former administration's key war-on-terror tactics, including torture (waterboarding, testicle shocks, killer dogs etc), unlawful detention, secret wiretapping, and running a concentration camp called Guantanamo.

He might as well call bin Laden up himself and beg for another 9/11 attack.

"This is a war. It’s not a law-enforcement problem. When you go back to the law enforcement mode...closing Guantanamo and so forth...you give up the ability to successfully defend the nation against further attacks."

But, on the upside, you get to keep the economy, New Orleans, the Constitution, and your faith in America.