As you probably already know, the state of the nation can be accurately assessed by reading the fine print between the lines of America's most trusted, new journalist, the old, rusted-out, 1970s Toyota camper parked outside a local Burger King.
And on this great, new canvas of freedom comes all the poetic brilliance and artful expression you'd expect from someone with the subtle wit, keen intellect, and teabags caffeinated enough to call our half-black president a monkey with no intelligence, while misspelling every other word plastered on his vintage creepy pedovan.
“MONKEY MIND OBAMA THE GREAT SATAN, AND THE CHANGE HE PROMISED YOU.” A sentence for the ages.
Ignorant fools! Unlike this pillar of the community and resident Einstein who lets his automobile do the talking, instead of grunting like some gross gorilla mouth who needs a magic Jesus scroll machine to remind him of all the big, more-than-one-syllable words written in his speech.
Well, this guy doesn't need no stinkin' teleprompter to remind him of "THE RIGHT TO BARE ARMS AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT"
Give me a tank top or give me death! Just like the Constitution says. Besides, everyone knows sleeves are for pussies!
But did you know that UFO's are the ANGELS IN THE BIBLE? The ones who DID ALL THE MIRACLES? Eww, perverts!
You might think God loves man, the being He created in his own image, the very bestest. You'd be wrong, ya monkey brain morons!
Most blessed are the UFOs, for they shall inherit the Earth, once it has been destroyed by heathen hippies, homos, and humans for Hussein NObama.
Even more impressive than this recreational vehicle owners' spelling and grammar skills is his uncanny insider knowledge of the intimate details behind Obama's swanky, secret White House soirees.
“OBAMA HAS BOOSE PARTY’S EVERY OTHER DAY (AVERAGE) AT THE WHITE HOUSE, GIVEING EVERY-ONE $150 STEAKS (IMPORTED) TO EAT," Fox News' newest ace reporter, the worn-out Winnebago explains.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, TEN MILLION DOLLORS? OF OUR TAX MONEY? ON BOOSE AND STEAKS?
Impossible! No way! C'mon, that sounds sort of like something an American would do!
That said, someone really ought to tell Donald Trump he may be trying a bit too hard with his new campaign tour bus. Just a tad.