Teabaggers Launch Brilliant Counter BUYcott To Show Their Support For Aryanzona's New 'Bye, Bye Brown People' Law

Over the weekend, obese, greasy-haired, middle-aged white men, Ben Franklin-dressed human bags o' caffeinated herbs 'n spice, and assorted other "Jesus Saves" t-shirt wearing, toothless patriots of freedom descended on glorious Aryanzona to show support for the state's new Nazi immigration law, SB-1070, prohibiting brown people from sullying their beautiful parched landscape, by even so much as taking a single, colored breath of Arizona's soon-to-be pure, all white, desert air.

Naturally, among the geniuses behind the 'baggers brilliant new answer to the liberal national Arizona boycott, the lunatic fringe Arizona "BUYcott," is none other than publisher of AZ Tourist News and occasional Grand Wizard of the KKK, Tony Venuti.

You see, Tony over here has his own views on what to do with those gross Mexican (border) jumping beans, putting their grubby paws all over the sparkling U.S. of A, having their way with his young, supple wife and daughters as they stream uncontrollably across the border, and it ain't exactly amnesty or whatever fancy shmancy elitist word them liberals call it.

Because Tony knows the only way to get the no-good criminal Mexicans or "bad hombres" to "get their butts out of town" and "disappear like cockroaches" back to whatever pathetic, third world nation of chocolatey-hued wannabee Americans they came from, is to ID, harass, and if all goes well, discriminate the bejesus out of 'em. That oughtta show 'em who's boss of these parts!

"Let me tell you something, there’s gonna be procession down into the border South when you see a lot of illegal criminals knowing they are going to be compelled to be ID’d or thrown in jail, you’re gonna see them disappear back south like a bunch of cockroaches. Trust me. The other ones that are here, we’re gonna have to deal with them and I don’t know how that’s going to be dealt with. We don’t need to worry about that now."

Fuggedaboutit! We'll figure out some way to get rid of those dumb bastards later. But for now, let's just focus on important matters, like how to make life as uncomfortable as humanly possible for them no-good immigrants already here, so maybe they'll just crawl back over the border on their own, and we don't have to waste precious time and money, roundin' up the whole smelly lot of 'em.

Of course, national boycott aside, “the exodus of illegal and legal immigrants predicted by some as a result of Arizona’s tough new immigration law is expected to hurt a variety of businesses that directly and indirectly cater to immigrant populations.”  In fact, if Tony Venuti's wish came true and all of Arizona’s undocumented immigrants "disappeared," the state could lose $26.4 billion in economic activity, $11.7 billion in gross state product, and approximately 140,324 jobs.

¡Ay, caramba!

But rather than worry about silly things like the actual widespread, disastrous economic effects of Arizona's new ¡Adiós Amigos! law itself, the brilliant bags o' English Breakfast have decided to take their good fight against all things Fernandez down to ol' immigrant epicenter to show those Mexi-lovin', 'Merica hatin', liberal elitists how real white supremacists men will spend their money to save the nation from this spicy, jalapeno invasion.

Unveiled at last month's Woodstock for Wingnuts, "Winning Back America Conference" (from evil, half-black Kenyan presidents?), headlined by such distinguished luminaries as Liz Cheney, Fred Thompson, and $arah Palin, the brilliant BUYcott is the brainchild of St. Louis teabagger, Gina Loudon, whose stated goal is to "render boycotts ineffective."

"The whole idea is to spend money to offset the boycott," Loudon said.

An idea which has fallen just a tad short, considering it is already estimated that Arizona’s fragile tourism (old retirees sportin' Cubs hats?) industry has already lost $6-10 million in cancellations since the SS immigration bill was signed into law.

Boo-hoo?

While opponents of the law, like President Barack Obama (figures!) and every American citizen with a functioning brain, not tea-ready filtered water between their ears, think the bill will lead to racial profiling, discrimination, and unconstitutional violations of individual rights, Loudon knows this is nothing but another one of the Jew-run liberal media's lies to thwart the right-wing's perfectly reasonable attempts to make the USA better, stronger, and safer....for ignorant racist rednecks, and other freedom-loving patriots of white, Christian America.

Loudon claims the law will save officers’ lives while changing little, if at all, of what officers already do to crack down on illegal immigrants.

See a brown, stop a brown??

“The racism card is typical propaganda to incite and drive wedges between groups, which is how liberals get their votes,” Loudon said.

And to think, we simply couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks to your fine handiwork, all the Democrats have to do is sit back, relax, and let the fabulous, freedom-fightin' Teabaggers terrify every non-hood/robe-wearing man or woman in these great United States right back where they belong: Mexico six feet under internment camps the voting booth.

Just where the Dems want 'em!

Boycotting Arizona Is Easier Than Uno, Dos, Tres!

Welcome, America to the newest member of the Wild, Wild West, everyone's favorite Mexican' hatin', trashy wasteland of parched desert, crumbling business, and misguided legislation, the lighter, purer, swastika peppered land of Aryanzona! Yay!

But just in case you're one of those hoity-toity, arugula eating liberals who just hates it when dumb, sparsely populated states (nobody usually gives two minutes of thought) enacts terrible racist legislation targeting half the population who works in said hellhole of dry heat, John McCain, and hibernating old retirees, fear not my friends, because there is something you can do while all nice 'n cozy in your elitist Blue state where the Constitution actually means something other than grab your guns to drive out dem stinkin' brown people!

So, you're feeling a little like San Francisco (minus the gay and Asiany parts), and would too like to protest Arizona's stupid, hastily-written Gestapo immigration law by boycotting the whole racist, refried-bean state of Barry Goldwater and the entire McCain family, including traitor daughter Meg, who now lives a life of sin in NYC, and doesn't even support discriminating against illegals and/or non-illegals who look like they might be terrible illegals (gasp!).

Well, if you can live without P.F. Chang's, Sky Mall, GoDaddy, or any other of the other consumer blights on American society operating out of the white supremacist state of Arizona, then you are luckier than a Mexican who happens to be carrying his birth certificate when indiscriminately pulled over and harassed by the local posse of gun-totin' law enforcers while attempting to do everyday activities like walk outside.

No, this shouldn't be too bad at all. After all, most of the nation has been boycotting Arizona for years (without even knowing it), since no one other than fat, retired, white people wearing Cubs hats even thinks about moving there anyway, and most of the "big-name" businesses there do nothing but reinforce the nation's reputation as a red, white, 'n blue, foul-mouthed, materialistic, money-obsessed nation of heart attack victims to be.

Like seriously people, a Marshmallow Shooter?? I mean what does it say about a nation whose inhabitants are willing to spend actual money (not even chickens!) to buy a device solely for the purpose of shooting "sweet, edible miniature marshmallows 30 ft in the air?"

Perhaps someone had one too many mini bottles of Absolut Citron during their last, cramped cross-country, economy class voyage 30,000 ft above sea level?

But either way, if you can live without Danica Patrick's lightly veiled porno/domain-name registration site, GoDaddy, or the idea that freezing your dead carcass will somehow make you magically come back to life once unthawed, a la Alcor Life Extension Foundation, you should be able to put the Kibosh on the Nazi regime currently running Arizona, with relative ease.

Of course, there is the slight problem of that one world-famous national park called the Grand Canyon, which shouldn't have to suffer all because it happens to be eternally stuck in the terrifying Wingnut land of Aryanzona.

But how in the name of sweet Jesus can one still enjoy this breathtaking geological wonder without dropping a dime in dingbat Arizona?

Well, that's simple enough!

You want to see a timeless geological wonder, billions of years in the making, a living fossil , formed, shaped, and pounded by forces beyond its control, weathered by the elements carving away at its structure, succumbing to the ravages of pressure and time over millions of years, to form the craggy, rough, precipitous, worn-down link to the ancient world and awe-inspiring testament to our planet's violent, fiery past??

Just pay a quick visit to any one of the 218 Republicans currently serving in Congress.

It's basically the same dizzying, age-defying experience.

Or if you're feeling really adventurous, you can always head to one of the lovely desert national parks in hippie dippie, Constitutional abiding California, where even the Mayor's a terrible Mexican, everyone's free to do whatever they want (except gay marry each other), and visiting the myriad natural wonders within its vast confines won't automatically help send José and Jorge back to Juarez faster than you can say ¡Ay, caramba!

¿Comprende?