No Way José! Crazed, Right-Wing, Immigrant-Hating Arizona Sheriff Is Almost As Good At Screwing Over Mexicans As He Is At Screwing Them

When you think of crazed, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriffs, normally the first thing that comes to mind is a crazed, gay, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriff who hates his own hideous homo self even more than the terrible Mexicans he's always shrieking about, that he actually tries to deport his gay Mexican lover for the terrible crime of being, well, umm, his gay Mexican lover.

It may sound like a page out of some trashy queer pulp novel about cowboys who like other cowboys, but turns out it's the true, real life story of Mexican deportin' Republican Pinal County Sheriff by the name of Paul Babeu with an unquenchable (albeit inconvenient) thirst for the semen of illegal Mexican men.

Which, for a self-hating homosexual in the parched, whites-only hellscape that is Aryanzona, can be quite a doozy!

According to the Phoenix New-Times:

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu — who became the face of Arizona border security nationally after he started stridently opposing illegal immigration — threatened his Mexican ex-lover with deportation when the man refused to promise never to disclose their years-long relationship, the former boyfriend and his lawyer tell New Times.

The latest of the alleged threats were made through Babeu’s personal attorney, who’s also running the sheriff’s campaign for Congress in District 4, the ex-lover says.

"Jose" says he met Babeu in October 2006 on gay.com, a dating website. What started with an online invitation from Babeu for the two to get together, he says, turned into not only a personal relationship but a professional one.

Jose says he created and maintained Babeu’s campaign websites, his Facebook page, and his Twitter account. Babeu didn’t pay him for his online services, he claims.

Or at least not in actual currency. Sadly, semen is not yet legal tender in the United States (or Mexico!) but hopefully Santorum will change that.

Despite the steamy allegations, Babeu has naturally decided to continue running for Congress because that's what publicly humiliated, painfully hypocritical, self-loathing, cock loving Republican political hopefuls do. Hell, it's pretty much part of the GOP oath at this point!

Besides, he's obviously very tough on illegal immigration, particularly when it comes to the actual Mexican men he is sodomizing. We can only assume he is the one doing the sodomizing, since as a Republican sheriff in Arizona, his whole existence is to prevent penetration.

But there's something awfully familiar about this bigoted gay Republican, beyond the usual comically tragic tale of secrets, lies, and self-destructing as Mitt Romney's current campaign chairman in Arizona.

Hmmmm...

Oh right, he's the same misshaped skull, Mr. Clean look-a-like who starred in John McCain's enlightened 2008 campaign video, "Complete The Danged Fence!"

And what a fence it is! Serving the dual purpose of keeping the gross Mexicans out while at the same time keeping his inner demons in.

America's first border fence, in all its radiant glory(holes)! Finally, the kind of protection even Republicans can get behind!

Herman Cain Likes His Illegal Immigrants Much Like His Fast Food: Deep Fried!

Whether he's touting his foreign policy skills by grunting nonsense syllables like "Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan" or rescuing the nation's economy by changing from the gold standard of coins to the Godfather standard of pepperoni slices, and installing the wacko, fictional tax plan he stole from SimCity 4 that repeats the arbitrary number "9" three times while taxing the shit out of poor people, Herman Cain is full of brilliant ideas.

Kip Katsarelis, a senior producer for Maxis, the company that created the SimCity series, was excited that politicians may be looking to video games for ideas.
Adopting such a simple tax structure, Katsarelis said, would allow fantasy political leaders to focus their energy on infrastructure and national security. “Our game design team thought that an easy to understand taxation system would allow players to focus on building their cities and have fun thwarting giant lizard attacks, rather than be buried by overly complex financial systems.”

Of course! But what if those giant lizard attacks were more like scared, border-jumping Mexicans looking for a better life? Then what would Herman Cain do?

Why, just fry the illegal alien bastards to death with an electrified border fence. Easy peasy!

“It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’”

Oooh, sounds sexy! Charred Mexicans hanging over the entrance is a beautiful way to decorate America's borders! A "Teabagger Tapestry," if you will.   

But what if, for some reason, this miraculous deterrent still doesn't keep them away?

Can you say 2nd Amendment remedies, what what!?

From the New York Times:

The [border wall] remarks, which came at two campaign rallies in Tennessee as part of a barnstorming bus tour across the state, drew loud cheers from crowds of several hundred people at each rally. At the second stop, in Harriman, Tenn., Mr. Cain added that he also would consider using military troops “with real guns and real bullets” on the border to stop illegal immigration.

As a special bonus, Herman Cain's solution to securing our borders also doubles as his latest, greatest Godfather pizza topping sensation: Refried Mexican Beans!

¡Ay, Caramba!

[image via Every Joe]

Uh-Oh, Meg Whitman's Illegal Mexican Housekeeper Was, In Fact, Illegal, Mexican!

Since there is no Buy It Now button to instantly purchase the utterly unwanted job of California Governor, eBay Power Seller™ and notorious employee abuser Meg Whitman is instead forced to engage in a bidding war, like some petty commoner, in the hopes that it is indeed possible for the one-time CEO of the world's largest online garage sale to buy her way into power in the bankrupt Golden State of both unstable people and even more unstable land, California.

She was thisclose too!

Until suddenly, out of nowhere, (Nut)Meg's stupid, treacherous illegal immigrant housekeeper Nicky Diaz–Santillan decided to open her big fat Latina trap and tell the whole world (aka anyone whose zip code starts with 9) all about how Meg Whitman not only knew she was a terrible undocumented worker when she was hired, but also treated her like a hot "piece of garbage" during her 9-year tenure with the wonderful, classy Whitman family. She even went out and got herself high profile, legal, American lawyer lady Gloria Allred because everyone knows you can't trust some dumb brown illegal, unless there is a white person standing next to them, to make their plight of being "exploited, disrespected, humiliated and emotionally and financially abused" by a known serial abuser, believable.

According to attorney Gloria Allred, Nicky Diaz–Santillan, who worked for Whitman for nine years, was fired in June 2009 "for what appeared to be political reasons involving Ms. Whitman's decision to run for governor."

"The inconvenient truth of the hypocrisy of Meg Whitman as illustrated by her employment of an undocumented worker and her exploitation of her was going to be revealed, because Nicky wanted to be legalized," Allred said, adding that, "Nicky was terminated in a sudden, cruel and heartless way."

Allred said Santillan intends to file a claim for wages that had been unfairly denied.

Ugh, figures! Those greedy slave laborers! Give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile.

“When I met with Meg Whitman on June 20, 2009, I asked her for assistance,” Santillan said. “I explained to her why I came to the United States. I explained that I was married and our economic situation in Mexico was very bad. We had no job, no food, no place to live and for that reason we made the decision to come here.”
“Ms. Whitman just laughed,” Santillan said.

OMG, Hahahaha, illegal immigrants are hilarious aren't they?? But unlike all those other lawsuits filed by former employees of Meg Whitman, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on who you ask, the media, or the maid, there are no allegations of any physical abuse in all of this.

C'mon, Meg! We expected more from you! Where is all the shoving, beat downs, and raging temper tantrums we've come to know and love you for, huh? You've disappointed us all here, Meg! You expect more from standard!

According to Diaz–Santillan, Whitman indicated four days later that she couldn't help the former housekeeper. "She said, 'I cannot help you and do not say anything to my children. I will tell them you already have a new job and that you want to go to school and from now on, you don't know me and I do not know you. You have never seen me and I have never seen you. Do you understand me?'"

¡Ay, Caramba! When will you people learn the only way to get "rid" of a problem is to bury it under the infinity pool in your backyard, not unceremoniously fire 'em in the hopes that they'll be rounded up by Jan Brewer's Brown People Patrol, rolled into a chalupa, dipped in salsa, and shipped back to Mexicanland, where they belong!

Naturally, Whitman's people denied the allegations because well, what else are they gonna do when they have an election to win? Tell the truth?? Hahaha, now that's rich! Not as rich, as say, Meg "Moneybags" Whitman, but still!

Of course, senior advisor to the Whitman campaign, Rob Stutzman, said it was "curious" that Santillan would bring forward allegations against Whitman a mere 35 days before the election. It's even "more curious," he said, that the news conference featuring the former housekeeper was being orchestrated by Allred, who has a "clear relationship" with Democratic gubernatorial nominee Jerry Brown.

What?? No, it’s not curious. You mean to tell me that in a hugely important race, someone who maybe doesn't appreciate scummy liars running for office, got some dirt that Republican gubernatorial candidate, outspoken Mexi hater, and chronic underling abuser Meg Whitman hires no good, illegal Mexicans to yell at and exploit, and also help with the laundry & dishes and those two terrible sons, and released it to the public? No. Freaking. Way. So umm, yeah, nothing curious about that.

Perhaps it would have been curious if the people who don't much care for Meg Whitman went out and found her illegal housekeeper, only to decide and wait until after the elections to let everyone know their awesome candidate is really a hypocritical fraud whose personal mottos, "I'm richer, thus infinitely better than you" & "Do as I say, not as I do" extend not just to assaulting frightened Asian employees, but hiring/abusing cheap domestic slaves as well.

"With the polls tied, it comes as no surprise that the morning after a successful debate for Meg that the sleaze machine of the political left is now focused on the politics of personal destruction. Gloria Allred is a shameful manipulator and the timing of today's news conference so close to the election should serve as a warning to Californians that they are witnessing dirty political smears at their worst," Whitman spokeswoman Andrea Jones Rivera said in a statement.

Rivera, huh? Hmmm, that sounds suspiciously Mexican-y to me. Careful now, Meggy, you know what happened the last time you acted all good Samaritan-like and took pity on a poor, gross immigrant by forcibly enslaving her in your CEO mansion in exchange for a few pesos, right?

"This is a shameful example of the politics of personal destruction practiced by people like Jerry Brown and Gloria Allred," Whitman said. "The charges are without merit."

And who would know more about a lack of merit than ol' Moneybags Meggy over here?

Besides, I don't get it, after all Meg is tall enough that she could have hired a non-Mexican and still looked down at her.

But nooooooo. Instead, she took pity on some dumb, poor immigrant and gave her a job, and now she's gettin' screwed for it. Ha ha, welcome to America, bitch!

Don't worry, I hear there is still one place you can always get dependable migrant domestic labor, on the cheap!

You might have heard of it. Think it's called eBay.

Jan Brewer Can't Remember Why She Started Doing This ‘Running For Governor’ Thing In The First Place!

Heroic Nazi-hunting Governor Jan Brewer is ready to lead the great Mexican-huntin', parched desert wasteland formerly known as Arizona, back to its White Power glory days...err, if she could only remember a single reason why or even a single word of her favoritest English language!

Warning: It's very painful. Or as Politico's Ben Smith notes, "reflects either an amazing lack of preparation, or sheer panic."

And likely, a hearty dose of stupidity too!

Apparently the Mexican speechwriters responsible for Jan Brewer’s opening statements all got deported!

¡Aye Carumba!

With $600 Million Dollars, Why Not Just Hire The Hard-Working, Industrious Mexicans To Build A Bigger Wall?

If You Build It, They Won't Come!

Hooray, America! Congress has saved the nation from the menacing brown threat streaming uncontrollably in from the sun 'n drug-soaked south to steal our jobs, sex-up our supple wives & daughters, and show us dumb gringos how a real Salsa Verde is made.

So now that Congress has passed this $600 million border security bill, sending tons o' troops and weapons and laser-powered death beams to defeat this swarthy Spanish enemy, and everyone is still buzzin' from all this yummy war stuff, will Republicans find it in their tea-soaked, terror-filled hearts to actually work with gross, terrible Democrats on comprehensive immigration reform, as promised?

Ha ha, dream on mis amigos!

The Grand Old Position on immigration reform has gone something like this: Secure the border immediately, and then we'll talk about all this boring, attention-to-detail stuff like how to actually deal with the problem instead of enacting scary, discriminatory bye bye brown people laws in parched desert, now Whites-Only states like Aryanzona.

Now that the Republicans have gotten their awesome $600 million in star-spangled 'splosives and smart bombs, as well as "1,500 new border personnel, a pair of unmanned drones and military-style bases along the border," surely they'll be ready to sit down and participate in a bipartisan discussion on immigration, like actual adults elected to the world's greatest deliberative body, whose job is to do these weird, annoying cooperation things, not act like petulant schoolchildren who got budged in line for the slide.

"In my many meetings with folks on the other side of the aisle to try to gain their support for comprehensive reform, I repeatedly heard them say that once we showed we were serious about passing border security legislation, they would be able to begin working with us to fix other aspects of our broken immigration system," said Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.), the Democrats' point person on immigration reform.

"It is my hope that the bill we are passing today will break the deadlock that has existed in Congress and will clear the path for us to finally resume bipartisan negotiations in good faith," Schumer said. "With this bill's passage today we have clearly shown we are serious about securing our nation's borders."

Yes, Chuck, we certainly see your seriousness and applaud you for your valiant efforts. And much like you, we too hope for resumed (wait, doesn't that imply that it ever existed in the first place?) bipartisan negotiations. We pray for it every night before bed, right after saying a special prayer to keep Granny and li'l Johnny down the street safe from NObama's roving death squads!

But, as energy, financial and health care reform efforts, not to mention unemployment benefits, the stimulus, environment, and basically every major piece of legislation before it have shown, taking the Republicans at their word makes about as much sense as Stalin trusting Hitler not to pull some insane double-cross invasion, or taking British Petroleum's word that the leak is plugged, the oil spill is under control, and the devastation has been kept to a minimum. By minimum, we mean only half the Gulf has been transformed into a glistening wonderland of crude oil and marine carcasses.

And judging by the past actions of this curious batch of Republicans, who care about this country so much they're are willing to do whatever it takes to destroy it, along with its awful, chocolatey-hued Kenyan leader, the Democrats' trust in the Republicans' willingness to do anything in good-faith ('cept impeach that no-good Socialist bastard in the not-so White House) seems a tad naive and ill advised.

Failing to give the GOP their immigration cake (chocolate-free like they like it!) without securing anything concrete in exchange, like say, a firm commitment to vote "yes" on any comprehensive legislation, will likely just lead the esteemed patriots on the right to demand more delicious birthday cake, then exotic pineapple upside down cake, then fancy-schmancy seven-tiered wedding cake, then who knows, maybe ice cream cake, or probably a whole different dessert altogether (flan?), until eventually they just say, "eh, cake is for Marie Antoinette and other elitist socialists like Michelle Obama only, so screw your damn frosted circle of sweet, moist deliciousness, and stupid immigration reform too!"

Following which, they will immediately return to their brilliant, fail-proof strategy of filibustering everything, while simultaneously whining (or if it's Glenn Beck, weeping) about being excluded from the process by meany Democrats until they are swept back into power by the easily-duped voters who suddenly think balancing the budget is best done by hemorrhaging money every which way, except into the hands of the people.

But on the bright side, at least you don't run the risk of some crumbs falling into the hands of dirty Mexicans!

I mean who wants to eat churros or tres leches cake anyway?

And knowing them, they'll probably take delicious American apple pie and turn it into something gross and Mexicany, like apple paella!

¡Aye Carumba!

Republicans Love Blacks & Mexicans So Much, They Just Can't Stop Saying & Doing Weird, Racist Things All The Time

The world's dopiest illegal stasher of $7 million secret RNC debt, Chairman Michael Steele (who else, yo?) and most deviant duper of liberals and black racists in the White House and NAACP, right-wing media monster mogul Andrew Breitbart are joining forces to create the biggest, most bad-ass fund-raising juggernaut the Republicans, no, make that the world, has ever seen!

Because, surely, rich, old white people be clamoring to get their their photo taken with their favorite national joke, and favorite national scumbag, respectively, at an awesome, fun-filled (albeit lesbian free) event in Beverly Hills on August 12.

There, Tweedledee and Tweedledum of Teabaggers will likely delight the crowd with all the things incompetent, bumbling fools and weaselly, a**hole duos do to "make money" off people who actually want to give their money to a Party that considers these two losers as a super-sexy fundraising draw. Oooh, sounds exciting!

Perhaps they will argue about who is less racist and loves black people more, the RNC Chairman who is so off-the-hook down with the brothas, he leads a Party that openly admitted to using racism as an actual strategy for the past 40+ years, or the white media maverick who tries to get innocent black USDA officials and longtime civil rights leaders fired for learning a valuable lesson about how the only the color that really matters is green, via partial video clips that don't show anything except how much Andrew adores black people everywhere except in the White House or the NAACP.

In fact, the Grand Old Party is sooooooo not racist, they won't even fire a black man for doing everything he could possibly do wrong except being black because that would look really bad for the party still steaming over Northern aggressors' demanding they stop enslaving 'em or hanging 'em from trees.

To be perfectly honest, the color-blind men and women in the Republican Party would love nothing more than to never discuss race again except when refusing to fire woefully incompetent chairmen because of said race (pssst: black!) because running an organization into the ground is how you prove that color matters less than content of character. For reals yo!

Just Like Martin Luther King (or was it Glenn Beck?) dreamed it would be.

Either way, this Steele-Breitbart cash money bonanza is nothing less than a pure COMEDY GOLD MINE!

And we all know how the Republicans feel about gold these days.

Even the black (gasp!) kind that oozes its delicious marine-killing goodness all over America's coastal shores.

I mean, how much more not racist can you get? Wanna know what else is totally, 100% not racist?

Arizona's ¡Adiós Amigos! law saying hasta la vista to all those dirty Mexicanas streaming across the border, contaminating their once-pure desert air.

Thanks to Judge Susan Bolton of the Federal District Court in Phoenix, who has issued “a preliminary injunction blocking the more controversial parts" of Arizona's Nazi immigration law, like the awesome "carry your papers" provision that helps solve the immigration problem by constantly harassing brown or similarly colored people who look suspiciously like terrible, gross Mexicans.

The overall law will still take effect Thursday, but without the provisions that angered opponents including sections that required officers to check a person's immigration status while enforcing other laws.

The judge also put on hold parts of the law that required immigrants to carry their papers at all times, and made it illegal for undocumented workers to solicit employment in public places. In addition, the judge blocked officers from making warrantless arrests of suspected illegal immigrants.

"Requiring Arizona law enforcement officials and agencies to determine the immigration status of every person who is arrested burdens lawfully-present aliens because their liberty will be restricted while their status is checked," U.S. District Judge Susan Bolton ruled.

Liberty shmiberty! What about Aryanzona's liberty to discriminate against poor migrant workers who may or may not be terrible illegals from Mexiland coming to rape their wives and steal their livestock? Or was it the other way around?

Who is going to fight for them? Who's going to stand up for the poor, scared white folks simply trying to keep their beautiful country free from red-and-green sombrero wearing invaders salsa-dancing across barbed wire fences and roving gangs of armed white supremacists all for the chance to give little José and Rosalita a better life by getting wantonly discriminated against by toothless, trigger happy sheriffs prowlin' for La Bamba blastin' truckloads of lawless Latino laborers??

Why, the freedom fighting daughter of famed 1955 California Nazi hunter and blond haired angel of the parched, Mexican drug lord-overrun apocalyptic wasteland of Aryanzona, Gov. Jan Brewer, of course!

“I am disappointed by Judge Susan Bolton’s ruling. This fight is far from over. In fact, it is just the beginning, and at the end of what is certain to be a long legal struggle, Arizona will prevail in its right to protect our citizens.

And protect the pure white sanctity of these once grand, once wholesome, once beautiful milky hued land of Gila Monsters and old white retirees in Cubs hats.

“I have consulted with my legal counsel about our next steps. We will take a close look at every single element Judge Bolton removed from the law, and we will soon file an expedited appeal at the United States Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit.”

Ugh, thanks a lot for ruining everything SUSAN BOLTON!  Why do you hate white people that much? Has  Shirley Sherrod taught you nothing?

Guess you leave G.I. Jan with no choice but to classify you as a dirty, illegal Messican, place you under arrest, and deport you to a dark, creepy place where no one in their right mind would ever dare venture.

And now that Arizona's is no longer an option, guess that leaves just one place: bound and gagged in the basement of a faux lezzie S&M bondage club. Or, in other words, the next RNC fundraiser.

Michael Steele will personally see to it that every inch of her body is thoroughly strip-searched to satisfaction. Heck, just to be on the safe side, he'll even do it himself.

Some things are just begging to be screwed.

When Hate & Hombres Collide: J.T. Ready (Aim, Fire!) & His Posse Of Armed White Supremacists Head South To The Border!

To most average Americans, or at least those of us still blessed with a full set of teeth and the ability to formulate a single coherent English sentence without the words "sp*cs" or "n*ggers," Arizona's awesome, new ¡Adiós Amigos! law stemming the tide of gross border jumping beans streaming into the good ol' US of A from Mexicanland or Mexicoville or wherever it is dirty brown people come from, is the unconstitutional result of ugly, racist, Teabagger-fueled White Power hysteria.

But to some, like neo-Nazi J.T. Ready, Aryanzona's Nazi immigration law simply doesn't go far enough. Which is why he and some fascist buddies have decided to gear up, head South, and roam the desert lookin' for some good, old fashioned Mexicans to hunt! His #1 favoritest past-time!

Because proud Caucasians like J.T. Ready rely on more than just dumb, two initialed names and even dumber ideas to prove their white trash worthiness. They earn their swastika stripes by bein' the best damn roving gang of armed skinheads ever to go snipin' for smelly Mexicans before they're able to sneak across the border, steal all their jobs, and have their way with their women and children.

If the God damn gubmint is going to sit back and let America be destroyed by hardworking, industrious "narco terrorists" streaming like roaches over the border to provide a better life for their families, then J.T. Ready and his posse of Klansman and White Supremacists are left no choice but to take matters into their own two trigger-happy hands. For liberty!

A freedom he's been protectin' since like all the way back in 2007, when Ready posted on the New Saxon website, a forum that serves as "An Online Community for Whites, by Whites:" Hooray!!

The truth is that negroids screw monkeys and rape babies in afreaka [sic]. Then stupid white man who licks kosher jew rear lets negroids in...Stop Negroid immigration and integration now!!! Nature will take care of the rest."

Ummm, okay?? But that was like soooooooo three years ago! Surely, a man of J.T.'s Ready's girth and caliber has matured beyond "Negroid screw monkeys" and "kosher Jew rear" and graduated to more pressing matters like evil, sombrero wearing, La Bamba singing, women-sexin' menaces to a pure, white Christian America, like God and Jesus intended when they first arrived as immigrants on the shores of Ellis Island to purify the new land of any terrible coloreds and other non-white undesirables.

If they don't want my people out there, then there's an easy way to send us home: Secure the border," he said. "We'll put our guns back on the shelf, and that'll be the end of that."

The end, finale, finito! See, it's as easy as uno, dos, tres! All they need to do is secure our borders with electrically-charged barbed wire fences, landmines, armed guards (preferably with neo-nazi tendencies) with M-16s scouring the horizon from towers, lay a trail of tacos and/or pesos, and viola! Sit back and enjoy the fiesta!

And if the big, bad government refuses to declare awesome war on our neighbors to the South? Then what will Ready and his armed militia of Southern fried freakshows do if they see Mexicans trying to cross illegally into Arizona?

"We'll Kill Them."

Of course! He's been Ready his whole life...the go-getter!

Sadly, Arizona Radio Legend Steve Blair's "Scream Racist Things At Children" Campaign Fails To Gain Steam Among Those Not Wearing White Robes & Hoods

Oh goody, America!

Just when you thought Arizona couldn't get any more creepily racist and crazy, the Union's original black sheep goes and does something not totally gut-wrenching and horrible, dare we say even slightly normal, and we once again find ourselves confused as to the true identity of America's favorite wayward state of Mexi huntin' desert dwellers.

In case you missed it, what with BP's oily marine massacre down in the Gulf, Rush Limbaugh's 4th lifetime vow of love and fidelity (but 1st featuring terrible gay Elton John!), and/or the any number of racist shenanigans goin' on ever since Arizona enacted their No, way José law prohibiting weird, Mexicany-looking brown people, here is a quick synopsis of the original terrible story and thankfully, its not-completely demented resolution.

From the Arizona Republic:

A group of artists has been asked to lighten the faces of children depicted in a giant public mural at a Prescott school. The project’s leader says he was ordered to lighten the skin tone after complaints about the children’s ethnicity...

R.E. Wall, director of Prescott’s Downtown Mural Project, said he and other artists were subjected to slurs from motorists as they worked on the painting at one of the town’s most prominent intersections.

“We consistently, for two months, had people shouting racial slander from their cars,” Wall said. “We had children painting with us, and here come these yells of 'Nigger' and 'Spics.'”

The children depicted on the mural are, of course, little kids who go to the school — "a K-5 school with 380 students and the highest ethnic mix of any school in Prescott," with thousands of town residents volunteering or donating to the project...ya know, for the kids!

And while these children gathered at this happy mural encouraging "green transportation," Prescott's finest have been driving by, yelling "Nigger" and "Spic" at this school wall painted with pictures of children who attend the school, demanding this hideous montage be destroyed, or at the very least, the faces lightened to look like good, white American children, not brown or black or yellow miscreants who just wandered in from Tijuana or Thailand or God knows where.

Being Arizona, this "behavior" has naturally been encouraged by a city councilman, Steve Blair, who moonlights as some white power local radio host who uses the airwaves to rile up the good people of Prescott and demand the principal remove the black student's face from the mural or repaint the faces of the Black and Latino students as nice, normal light-skinned children. The way God intended.

Which almost happened!

But then suddenly, the principal of the school got himself some principles and decided "painting the children's faces white" because of the "controversy" may not be such a wondrous idea after all. Could be because of all the other people, like the millions of Americans who live outside the whites-only clusterf*ck town of Prescott outraged by this insane wingnut demand that the brown kids be "lightened" (a la Michael Jackson?) and descended on the town to protest this racist hysteria, which made the principal think, eh, on second thought, the mural would stay as it is, and that he was wrong. The End.

Oh wait! There's another glimmer of light coming from the scorched desert wasteland known as Prescott.

Vile, talk show creep and Prescott City councilman Steve Blair has been fired from his local-wingnut KYCA talk-show after bringing shame and humiliation on the town for screaming at paintings of elementary school children for being the wrong color, i.e., not pasty pale or the beautiful color of skim milk.

Guess even in good ol' Arizona, there is a limit to how unabashedly racist, unhinged, and hate-mongering local radio personalities can be.

But will Prescott give Blair the boot as town councilman too, or do their limits on repulsive Grand KKK wizards not extend to their local elected public officials? Perhaps they just love hateful sacks of children-bashers who crusade against colored 10-year-olds too much?!?

In 2010 Aryanzona, that sounds about right, err, white!

Teabaggers Launch Brilliant Counter BUYcott To Show Their Support For Aryanzona's New 'Bye, Bye Brown People' Law

Over the weekend, obese, greasy-haired, middle-aged white men, Ben Franklin-dressed human bags o' caffeinated herbs 'n spice, and assorted other "Jesus Saves" t-shirt wearing, toothless patriots of freedom descended on glorious Aryanzona to show support for the state's new Nazi immigration law, SB-1070, prohibiting brown people from sullying their beautiful parched landscape, by even so much as taking a single, colored breath of Arizona's soon-to-be pure, all white, desert air.

Naturally, among the geniuses behind the 'baggers brilliant new answer to the liberal national Arizona boycott, the lunatic fringe Arizona "BUYcott," is none other than publisher of AZ Tourist News and occasional Grand Wizard of the KKK, Tony Venuti.

You see, Tony over here has his own views on what to do with those gross Mexican (border) jumping beans, putting their grubby paws all over the sparkling U.S. of A, having their way with his young, supple wife and daughters as they stream uncontrollably across the border, and it ain't exactly amnesty or whatever fancy shmancy elitist word them liberals call it.

Because Tony knows the only way to get the no-good criminal Mexicans or "bad hombres" to "get their butts out of town" and "disappear like cockroaches" back to whatever pathetic, third world nation of chocolatey-hued wannabee Americans they came from, is to ID, harass, and if all goes well, discriminate the bejesus out of 'em. That oughtta show 'em who's boss of these parts!

"Let me tell you something, there’s gonna be procession down into the border South when you see a lot of illegal criminals knowing they are going to be compelled to be ID’d or thrown in jail, you’re gonna see them disappear back south like a bunch of cockroaches. Trust me. The other ones that are here, we’re gonna have to deal with them and I don’t know how that’s going to be dealt with. We don’t need to worry about that now."

Fuggedaboutit! We'll figure out some way to get rid of those dumb bastards later. But for now, let's just focus on important matters, like how to make life as uncomfortable as humanly possible for them no-good immigrants already here, so maybe they'll just crawl back over the border on their own, and we don't have to waste precious time and money, roundin' up the whole smelly lot of 'em.

Of course, national boycott aside, “the exodus of illegal and legal immigrants predicted by some as a result of Arizona’s tough new immigration law is expected to hurt a variety of businesses that directly and indirectly cater to immigrant populations.”  In fact, if Tony Venuti's wish came true and all of Arizona’s undocumented immigrants "disappeared," the state could lose $26.4 billion in economic activity, $11.7 billion in gross state product, and approximately 140,324 jobs.

¡Ay, caramba!

But rather than worry about silly things like the actual widespread, disastrous economic effects of Arizona's new ¡Adiós Amigos! law itself, the brilliant bags o' English Breakfast have decided to take their good fight against all things Fernandez down to ol' immigrant epicenter to show those Mexi-lovin', 'Merica hatin', liberal elitists how real white supremacists men will spend their money to save the nation from this spicy, jalapeno invasion.

Unveiled at last month's Woodstock for Wingnuts, "Winning Back America Conference" (from evil, half-black Kenyan presidents?), headlined by such distinguished luminaries as Liz Cheney, Fred Thompson, and $arah Palin, the brilliant BUYcott is the brainchild of St. Louis teabagger, Gina Loudon, whose stated goal is to "render boycotts ineffective."

"The whole idea is to spend money to offset the boycott," Loudon said.

An idea which has fallen just a tad short, considering it is already estimated that Arizona’s fragile tourism (old retirees sportin' Cubs hats?) industry has already lost $6-10 million in cancellations since the SS immigration bill was signed into law.

Boo-hoo?

While opponents of the law, like President Barack Obama (figures!) and every American citizen with a functioning brain, not tea-ready filtered water between their ears, think the bill will lead to racial profiling, discrimination, and unconstitutional violations of individual rights, Loudon knows this is nothing but another one of the Jew-run liberal media's lies to thwart the right-wing's perfectly reasonable attempts to make the USA better, stronger, and safer....for ignorant racist rednecks, and other freedom-loving patriots of white, Christian America.

Loudon claims the law will save officers’ lives while changing little, if at all, of what officers already do to crack down on illegal immigrants.

See a brown, stop a brown??

“The racism card is typical propaganda to incite and drive wedges between groups, which is how liberals get their votes,” Loudon said.

And to think, we simply couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks to your fine handiwork, all the Democrats have to do is sit back, relax, and let the fabulous, freedom-fightin' Teabaggers terrify every non-hood/robe-wearing man or woman in these great United States right back where they belong: Mexico six feet under internment camps the voting booth.

Just where the Dems want 'em!

When Gov. Jan Brewer Said Her Father Died "Fighting The Nazis" She Simply Confused Nazis With Mexicans, An Honest Mistake!

America's fiercest blonde-haired fighter of scary Mexicans, Aryanzona governor Jan Brewer just can't stop shrieking about all the wonderful reasons to round up the state's brown people and kill them ship 'em back to Mexicanland or wherever the hell it is these dark, menacing "things" come from.

But you know what hurts sweet Jan even more than terrible brown people milling about her whites-only state? Being called horrible, MEANY names like Satan, Marilyn Manson, or heaven's forbid, the absolute worst name in the history of insulting names, Hitler's daughter (gasp!).

Well this stings sensitive Miss Brewer more than you can possibly imagine. Deep, searing pain that rips right through her tan-but-not-Mexicanish-tan, desert fried flesh, and pierces straight into her shriveled sun-scorched, still-beating, little heart.

Why, you may wonder?

Ummm, maybe because Jan Brewer knows everything there is to know about being hunted by Nazis simply for being a Jew, Queer, Intellectual, Communist, or other putrid, non-Aryan minority of sin, and her hunting brown people couldn't be any farther from, say the Nazi policy of forced detention followed quickly by forced extermination. They're not even in the same realm, really!

She would know too, considering her father, her brave, warrior father, sacrificed everything to fight the Nazis, on their own dreadful, Jew-nourished, blood-soaked German soil. Hell, he died doing that. This takes real courage!

Almost as much courage as it took St. Jan to make up this wildly audacious lie, which in turn gave the rest of us the courage to proclaim that Jan Brewer deserves to be tied to a post outside the Holocaust Museum and left to rot, while the vultures (not the dirty Mexicans for once!) have their way with her.

Here's what Gov. Jan Brewer told the Arizona Republic: 

"The Nazi comments…they are awful," she said, her voice dropping. "Knowing that my father died fighting the Nazi regime in Germany, that I lost him when I was 11 because of that . . . and then to have them call me Hitler’s daughter. It hurts. It’s ugliness beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.”

Beyond anything she's ever experienced! Or fabricated! Or pulled out of her pasty white Neo-Nazi behind. Because her awesome, fearless father, the one who died braving evil Nazi forces in the heart of Deutschland, actually died a decade after World War II, of lung cancer, and the closest he ever came to "fighting the Nazi regime in Germany" was working in a weapons plant in Nevada during the war.

Nevada, Normandy, is there even a difference?!? All you have to do is substitute Hitler's foot-soldiers with Mexico's field workers and voila! it's Battle of the Bulge all over again!

And since we know upstanding, Republican politicians like Jan Brewer would never lie or exaggerate about how her father, Wilford Drinkwine (no joke...really, that's his name) met his heroic end fighting Nazis in Germany, the only logical conclusion is that the Nazis were actually running the naval munitions factory in Nevada, where Drinkwine worked as a civilian supervisor and "eventually died from the toxic fumes he inhaled there," a decade later in 1955...in California.

Of course! It makes perfect sense...

I almost forgot the Nazi's ultimate secret weapon against the Allies was a powerful, one-two punch of mesothelioma and black lung.

Naturally, Brewer’s press people are saying of course that’s what happened; Brewer very clearly meant that her dad worked in a weapons factory and was on disability afterward for respiratory problems he developed when she said "he died fighting the Nazis."

Just like how my father also sacrificed life and limb to defeat the greatest 20th century threat to humanity.

When he was 8 years-old in 1944, he skinned his knee pretty bad in a schoolyard incident while fighting the Nazi regime in Germany.

On a playground in Chicago's South Side.

"Complete The Danged Fence," So John McCain Can Keep The Mexicans Out & Himself In The Senate

After losing whatever semblance of a sane mind still remained in the ol' tank, due to a powerful combination of both the scorching desert heat and a horseback riding nutjob gunning for the old man's senate seat, John McCain suddenly realized there's really nowhere farther to fall once you've reached rock bottom.

Which can be so freeing! Because now old man McCain can do whatever his li'l cold heart desires, without having to worry about silly things like consequences. A win-win situation for everyone! Err, except those damn Mexicans, but who really cares about them anyway?

Certainly not Johnny! Or at least not since 2008, when he traded his soul for something much better than any dumb, gross immigrant--the chance to lose the White House with a sexy moose huntin' mama from Alaska, whose killer ability to wink makes up for her killer inability to speak coherent sentences on, umm, anything ('cept killin' moose of course!).

So now that Johnny's free as a bird from any and all expectations of possessing even the slightest bit of morals or integrity, the original maverick-turned-running joke can flip-flip like a hooked fish, senile old man, the devil himself, or whatever it takes to win, baby win!

Even star in his own, god-awful, desperate campaign ad titled, "Complete The Danged Fence," where he pretends to be a nice, sane old man having a normal, everyday "conversation" with a sheriff, while casually strolling through the desert, about what the hell to do with those darn border-hoppers infesting the once proud, once beautiful, once-white desert of Arizona.

That way, he can prove to the concerned white pointed hat and matching robe wearing citizens back home that he is not in any way, shape, or form some arugula-eating, Mexican-lovin' softy who wants to create a pathway to citizenship for even a single one of the no-good stinkin' Mexican jumping beans hoppin' every which way, 'til every last one of 'em ends up rapin' and killin' in the white man's state of Aryanzona.

No sir-ee!

Instead, he gets to wear an awesome NAVY hat (to show the world he means business and maybe remind the folks 'bout those few years spent in a Vietnamese prison, for freedom!), while having a hairless sheriff (so you know you can trust him) pretend his plan to "complete the danged fence" is the most brilliant solution to immigration since the Final Solution figured out how to finally rid Europe of those pesky Jews.

Then, to really seal the deal, Mr. Clean, the sheriff, can look you, John S. McCain, straight in the eye and proudly declare, "Senator, you're one of us."

And you can die happy and fulfilled, knowing that you too are a paranoid, racist old coot with no backbone, and even less principles.

In other words, the esteemed living fossil and still-proud GOP senator from the newly-gated, parched desert retirement community known as Arizona.

But you can just call it by its new name, Guantánamo.

Más o menos.

Sí, Se Puede Race-Bait To Win!

John McCain Says No Me Puedo To Sotomayor

Remember that old man with the sassy daughter and hot RICH wife whose biggest accomplishment other than getting beat to smithereens in a Hanoi prison cell was to unleash Sarah Palin upon an unsuspecting world?

Well now John McCain can add another notch to his already impressive resume: opposing the first Hispanic Supreme Court nominee in the history of America...for no good reason! Kudos Johnny!

The ever-savvy decision maker Gramps McCain simply will not vote for that Sotomayor lady on the same sound political rationale that most Republicans have for opposing a Democratic nominee to the Supreme Court: judicial activism (gasp!). The secret term for how this Hispanic lady might seem all nice now, but as soon as she gets on the high court, you can be sure she's gonna turn into one of those crazy liberals who "legislate from the bench" any time they make a decision Republicans don't like.

It has nothing, nothing, to do with the fact that HE should be the one nominating a Supreme Court justice instead of that annoying Barry fella who may or may not be a citizen of these United States.

"The American people will be watching this week when the Senate votes on Judge Sotomayor’s nomination," McCain said. "She is a judge who has foresworn judicial activism in her confirmation hearings, but who has a long record of it prior to 2009. And should she engage in activist decisions...if she uses her lifetime appointment on the bench as a perch to remake law in her own image of justice, I expect that Americans will hold us Senators accountable."

They will Johnny, they will! But seriously, everyone knows you haven't cared about accountability since selling your soul after that embarrassing loss to George W. in 2000.

Which is good because now Johnny doesn't need to pretend to not be a racist anymore like he did for a little back in 2007 during the big immigration reform fight. But that didn't work so well, so it was back to wingnut land for Johnny en route to winning Republican nomination before losing both the election and the respect of the world for seriously trying to pawn off that Palin woman as a legitimate vice president candidate.

Well, now John "Salsa" McCain is in serious jeopardy of losing his 2010 Senate primary in the Mexican-filled state of Arizona, to a guy who runs around shooting border-hopping Mexicans for a living.

Anyone who goes around killing illegals with their buddies for fun and to preserve America is obviously one of the more important people on the political right, and as such, will be a difficult opponent to beat come 2010.

Of course Johnny knows that which is why he will not vote for that Latina So-So lady in the hopes of showing everyone he loves America and hates Mexicans enough to be Arizona's proud senator once again!

Blech, Mexicans!