Don't Worry Planet, Mr. Adorable To The Rescue!

The President At His Finest

After a very long day of flubbed inauguration oaths, never-ending parades, and boring balls where he and Michelle were forced to perform endless slow dances for the adoring crowds, Barack Obama finally got to take a load off.

Yes, even when undoing his tie, exhausted and drained, America's new president still manages to be the most adorable man we've ever elected into office.

He's even cuter when he spends each day of his first week in office gutting another one of Bush's god-awful policies to destroy America.

Today, Obama will single-handedly save the environment, before moving on to fix the economy, end the war, and bring peace to all of humanity, likely by the end of the week.

So congratulations Mr. President!

But really you can stop now. Seriously, dude, you had us at hello.

Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks!!

Eight long, dreadful years and this is what we get?

Blah, blah, blah, 9/11, terrorism, thank you Dick, thank you Condi, been a real pleasure servin' y'all these last 8 years keepin' America safe and all, good luck to the O-man, I know everyone's excited about making history, should be fun, let's just hope his luck's better than mine hehe. But seriously folks, for the final time: Good night.

Oh, and God bless America. Between me and you, she's gonna need it. W-out!!!!!!!

"I Think My Work Here's Done!"

Barack Obama: "A Mutt Like Me"

What Furry Friend Will The Obama's Choose?

Two wars, an economic crisis, rising unemployment, terrorism, the list of problems facing America goes on and on.

Even though Barack Obama is not officially sworn in as President until January 20, he decided to go ahead and start acting presidential a little earlier, piecing together his cabinet and assembling the best minds to tackle the pressing economic crisis.

Bush, who in case you forgot, is still in charge, said he was "cool with Obama helpin' and all" and didn't feel like he was being "one-upped by the lanky black dude."

Besides, Bush, added, "I'm glad someone wants to deal with this s**t, cause I sure as hell don't wanna do it...Now where the devil did I put my fishing rod?"

But even with the weight of the world on his shoulders, the ever-cool Obama did have time for some lighter moments during his press conference on Friday, the first since his historic win on Tuesday night.

And as for the big question on everyone's lips: What kind of puppy will the Obama's take to the White House?

"We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic...On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but, obviously, a lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me. So, whether we're going to be able to balance those two things I think is a pressing issue on the Obama household."

A presidential mutt, eh? Well, it's worth a try, I guess. After all, our last president was a pure bred and I don't think I need to remind you how well that worked out for us.

Finally, Something We Can All Agree On

I've gotta hand it to that Palin chick. She manages to bring together people at a time when unity is scarce and fierce partisan divides dominate nearly every issue.

Yes, America has finally found something that Conservatives, Liberals, Independents, Democrats, Republicans, (and even Libertarians!) can all agree on:

Sarah Palin is a very attractive, fascinating woman who just happens to make President Bush look like a god damn genius.

Bush Doing What He Does Best--Acting Presidential

I hate the administration of George W. Bush more than anything. I literally shudder at most of his policy decisions and find his whole presidency disastrous. The fact that this man has been the leader of the free world for the past eight years is utterly terrifying.

And a little funny. I know, I know...How could I say that?

This is the man who has just spent the last 8 years f**king everything up. The man who ruined our economy, started a war, ignored Katrina, polluted our skies, violated our rights, and routinely spit on the Constitution. I should hate this man!

But then he goes and does a thing like this and I can't help but find him adorable.