The Show May Be Over, But Traitor Joe's Always Open For Business (If That Business Is Screwing Over Democrats)

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing Sen. Joe Lieberman enjoys more than crushing hopes and destroying dreams. Except maybe the occasional chance to kick a whimpering, defenseless puppy down the street or really stick it to Democrats, ya know, the party he joined in 1970 and represented as a vice presidential candidate in 2000, before deciding eh, why not go against everything I've ever stood for my entire life in some desperate, pathetic attempt to remain relevant, and retain my smooth, surprisingly large, perfectly manicured grip on power?

**Sigh** Oh, that Joe!

Well, according to the liberal rag/commie manifesto The New York Times, Benedict Lieberman has been taking meetings with the two main Republican primary challengers: ball bustin' World Wrestling Entertainment executive Linda McMahon who apparently didn't think $50 million was enough to waste on a losing campaign the first time around, and former Rep. Chris Shays, another old, endlessly frustrating New England moderate conservative who also loves beautiful war but at least understands which political party he belongs to. Which is more than we can say for ol' Joe!

On the bright side, at least Democrats don't have to worry that Joe will wake up with an actual conscious and endorse one of them (heavens forbid!), which would be probably be as helpful as a bite from a syphilitic hyena.

In the meantime, some Connecticut Democrats who are eyeing the party's nomination for his seat are not particularly interested in getting Mr. Lieberman's support. They seem wary of associating politically with a man who went from being the Democratic vice-presidential candidate in 2000 to backing Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona, over Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential race.
Susan Bysiewicz, a former Connecticut secretary of state who is seeking the Democratic nomination for Senate, noted in an interview that Mr. Lieberman was unpopular with rank-and-file Democrats.
"Senator Lieberman's endorsement would not be helpful," she said, adding that she believed he was more closely identified with the Republicans these days.
Representative Christopher S. Murphy, a three-term Democrat who is also running for Mr. Lieberman's seat, said, "I'm not sure his support is relevant."

Hush it Murphy! You fool, you'll ruin everything!  If Lieberman finds out that endorsing a Democrat would be the quickest, most sure-fire way to screw over a Democrat, then that is just what he'll do.

And what more fitting way to bid adieu to our favorite Jewish Benedict Arnold than with a little Broadway ditty?

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say (you're an asshole?)
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day (use those big, firm hands!)
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine (for a loser pariah no one likes!)
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time (well, technically it's a turncoat)

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say (it's actually probably better if you don't)
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day (and by "it" we totally mean money!)
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine (Hadassah still loves you!)
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time (more like nightmarecoat for everyone else!)

Oh, fuck it, just...

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

[image via AP]

At Least There's One Thing We Can All Agree On: Getting Rid Of That Awful Joe Lieberman

Wah Wah...Is It The Ol' Heave Ho For Traitor Joe?

Beloved pariah and internationally celebrated Traitor Joe Lieberman has always prided himself on a few special qualities: physics-defying, almost impossibly droopy jowls, hideously annoying whine of a voice, the unique ability to weasel between parties, working both sides of the aisle to do whatever is best for the country, which naturally means whatever is best for his reelection chances, and of course, his uncanny knack for bringing both Republicans & Democrats together on one single issue: wanting nothing more than to slap that stupid, scowling smirk off his smug, pathetic face, while heaving his feeble 'ol bones straight out the Senate door.

Finally, something everyone in America can agree on!

Now, it is no secret that the sniveling sad sack from Connecticut has long been one of the most unpopular Senators (make that people!) in the country, perhaps in all of history even, which, considering some of the freak specimens currently calling Congress home (Jim DeMint anyone?), is no easy feat!

But looks like ol' Joe has topped himself once again, and not in a gross, gay way either. That's reserved for pure bred Republicans, only, ya crazy kids!

According to a new Public Policy Polling of Connecticut, only 24% of voters in the state say they would vote to reelect Lieberman in 2012 compared to 66% who say they'd basically vote for any carbon-based, oxygen breathing being over Jewish Benedict Arnold Joe Lieberman's dumb droopy face.

Sure, the man managed to leave the dumb Democrats after losing the primary to actual, non-pretend Democrat Ned Lamont in 2006 and still win reelection as an independent since everyone knows loyalty is not a word in Lieberman's vocabulary, but couldn't resist his adorable charm anyway.

But after Joe went ahead and endorsed that senile old man, John McCain, over someone with a working brain who didn't trade in their soul for a chance to be president, Barack Obama, in 2008, only to go on to never miss the chance to play spoiler and screw the American people over on some important issue or another every chance he got while in Congress, even the usually masochistic Democrats finally had enough!

Apparently, there is only so much getting bent over by a boring, backstabbing, conniving old man-whore the good people of Connecticut are willing to take before saying, hell no, we've had quite enough! Now take your stupid Vaseline and kindly scram back to the filthy rat hole you crawled in from, thank you very much!

But it's not just Democrats who can't stand the guy, even though a whopping 72% would sooner contract Ebola than vote for that old thing again. While taking 70% of the Republican vote was a key component of Lieberman's victory in 2006, 61 percent of Grand Old Patriots now say they would much prefer to swap him out for someone a little less smart, but a whole lot crazier, like say a Real Republican, who isn't afraid to draw Hitler mustaches on Obama's face, round up all the gays, Mexicans, Muslims and other undesirables and ship 'em off somewhere far, far away like Socialist Europe or something.

Even 63 percent of Independents, who usually don't know what the hell they want, except of course to never get their weirdo fringe candidate elected, and simply ruin the race for everyone else instead, say they'd rather make an actual decision (gasp!) and pick a viable side, then vote for ol' Bummer Bones Indy Joe, this time around. So, umm congratulations??

"Democrats, Republicans, and independents in Connecticut agree on one thing: they want Joe Lieberman replaced in the US Senate," said Dean Debnam, President of Public Policy Polling. "His path to reelection, at least at this point a couple years away, looks extremely difficult."

Difficult? Ha! The bastard's middle name is difficult.  Besides, that's never stopped fightin' Joe before! He'll just come up with another brilliant idea, maybe some sort of resolution dissolving Congress and granting sole legislative powers to himself and Hadassah, so America will never be without the dazzling charm and wit of the nation's #1 treacherous maverick with both a functioning mind and possession of his own soul.

Unlike his other beloved maverick pal, Gramps McCain, who gave up his already-decaying soul (his mind left loooong before) for the once-in-a-lifetime chance to unleash a lipstick-wearing Mama Grizzly Arctic drifter onto the world and still not even come close to winning anything, except maybe a chance at early retirement and a wonderful trail of lies, shame and disgrace in his wake. Hooray!

No need to worry about Joe's soul, though. He certainly isn't! Besides, there wasn't much there to begin with. No soul but plenty of power-hungry, selfish Joe-Centric goals. It's just the way the Lieb man rolls!

And since Joe doesn't mind shifting back 'n forth, up, down and every which way, so long as it serves himself, we'd advise Joe to consider losing the whole Jew thing and switch to Chinese Folk Religion instead.

Unfortunately, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. He'll have to wait another 8 years until 2020, when it's once again his time: the Year of the Rat, duh!

Whaddya say, Joe?? Satan/Lieberman 2020 does have a nice ring to it.

I think I smell a winner! Wait, or is that just the dang rat again??

Quick, exterminator!

Former Bush White House Official (Not Named Dick Cheney) Charged With Attempted Murder of Wife, Self

Former Bush administration Deputy Counsel (and all around swell guy) John Michael Farren has left his wild days as the go-to guy for all legal issues concerning President George W. Bush and the White House in order to spend some quality time trying to kill himself and his lovely wife Mary at their upscale suburban Connecticut home, two days after she presented divorce papers over what she called his "explosive temper." Hahaha, women.

Apparently, Farren figured what better way to enjoy his idyllic, post-political life than by choking his darling longtime wife and beating her senseless with a flashlight before turning the knife on himself and threatening to slit his wrists in a beautiful homicide/suicide combo act of devotion.

Only slight problem being neither John Michael Farren nor his wife Mary are actually dead. Whoops.

So now Mr. Hot Shot attorney whose savvy legal knowledge was used not by one, but both Bush presidents (coincidence?), is spending his peaceful private sector days languishing in a jail cell where he's being held on attempted murder and first-degree strangulation charges for $2 million bond. Ha, chump change. Thanks to Bush's nice tax cuts, even someone in the White House's second salary bracket should have no problem covering that.

"We are saddened to hear the news," said David Sherzer, spokesman for George W. Bush. "This is a personal matter and we will not be commenting on it."

Fred Fielding, Farren's former boss in the White House counsel office, said, "This report is sad and stunning, and completely out of character to anyone who knows or has worked with Mike."

Usually, former Bush staffers get away with their crimes.

But then again their experience is typically more of the high crimes against humanity variety. Attempted first-degree murder of a spouse is soooooo vanilla.