The Show May Be Over, But Traitor Joe's Always Open For Business (If That Business Is Screwing Over Democrats)

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing Sen. Joe Lieberman enjoys more than crushing hopes and destroying dreams. Except maybe the occasional chance to kick a whimpering, defenseless puppy down the street or really stick it to Democrats, ya know, the party he joined in 1970 and represented as a vice presidential candidate in 2000, before deciding eh, why not go against everything I've ever stood for my entire life in some desperate, pathetic attempt to remain relevant, and retain my smooth, surprisingly large, perfectly manicured grip on power?

**Sigh** Oh, that Joe!

Well, according to the liberal rag/commie manifesto The New York Times, Benedict Lieberman has been taking meetings with the two main Republican primary challengers: ball bustin' World Wrestling Entertainment executive Linda McMahon who apparently didn't think $50 million was enough to waste on a losing campaign the first time around, and former Rep. Chris Shays, another old, endlessly frustrating New England moderate conservative who also loves beautiful war but at least understands which political party he belongs to. Which is more than we can say for ol' Joe!

On the bright side, at least Democrats don't have to worry that Joe will wake up with an actual conscious and endorse one of them (heavens forbid!), which would be probably be as helpful as a bite from a syphilitic hyena.

In the meantime, some Connecticut Democrats who are eyeing the party's nomination for his seat are not particularly interested in getting Mr. Lieberman's support. They seem wary of associating politically with a man who went from being the Democratic vice-presidential candidate in 2000 to backing Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona, over Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential race.
Susan Bysiewicz, a former Connecticut secretary of state who is seeking the Democratic nomination for Senate, noted in an interview that Mr. Lieberman was unpopular with rank-and-file Democrats.
"Senator Lieberman's endorsement would not be helpful," she said, adding that she believed he was more closely identified with the Republicans these days.
Representative Christopher S. Murphy, a three-term Democrat who is also running for Mr. Lieberman's seat, said, "I'm not sure his support is relevant."

Hush it Murphy! You fool, you'll ruin everything!  If Lieberman finds out that endorsing a Democrat would be the quickest, most sure-fire way to screw over a Democrat, then that is just what he'll do.

And what more fitting way to bid adieu to our favorite Jewish Benedict Arnold than with a little Broadway ditty?

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say (you're an asshole?)
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day (use those big, firm hands!)
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine (for a loser pariah no one likes!)
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time (well, technically it's a turncoat)

Go, go, go Joseph you know what they say (it's actually probably better if you don't)
Hang on now Joseph you'll make it some day (and by "it" we totally mean money!)
Sha la la Joseph you're doing fine (Hadassah still loves you!)
You and your dreamcoat ahead of your time (more like nightmarecoat for everyone else!)

Oh, fuck it, just...

Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

[image via AP]

At Least There's One Thing We Can All Agree On: Getting Rid Of That Awful Joe Lieberman

Wah Wah...Is It The Ol' Heave Ho For Traitor Joe?

Beloved pariah and internationally celebrated Traitor Joe Lieberman has always prided himself on a few special qualities: physics-defying, almost impossibly droopy jowls, hideously annoying whine of a voice, the unique ability to weasel between parties, working both sides of the aisle to do whatever is best for the country, which naturally means whatever is best for his reelection chances, and of course, his uncanny knack for bringing both Republicans & Democrats together on one single issue: wanting nothing more than to slap that stupid, scowling smirk off his smug, pathetic face, while heaving his feeble 'ol bones straight out the Senate door.

Finally, something everyone in America can agree on!

Now, it is no secret that the sniveling sad sack from Connecticut has long been one of the most unpopular Senators (make that people!) in the country, perhaps in all of history even, which, considering some of the freak specimens currently calling Congress home (Jim DeMint anyone?), is no easy feat!

But looks like ol' Joe has topped himself once again, and not in a gross, gay way either. That's reserved for pure bred Republicans, only, ya crazy kids!

According to a new Public Policy Polling of Connecticut, only 24% of voters in the state say they would vote to reelect Lieberman in 2012 compared to 66% who say they'd basically vote for any carbon-based, oxygen breathing being over Jewish Benedict Arnold Joe Lieberman's dumb droopy face.

Sure, the man managed to leave the dumb Democrats after losing the primary to actual, non-pretend Democrat Ned Lamont in 2006 and still win reelection as an independent since everyone knows loyalty is not a word in Lieberman's vocabulary, but couldn't resist his adorable charm anyway.

But after Joe went ahead and endorsed that senile old man, John McCain, over someone with a working brain who didn't trade in their soul for a chance to be president, Barack Obama, in 2008, only to go on to never miss the chance to play spoiler and screw the American people over on some important issue or another every chance he got while in Congress, even the usually masochistic Democrats finally had enough!

Apparently, there is only so much getting bent over by a boring, backstabbing, conniving old man-whore the good people of Connecticut are willing to take before saying, hell no, we've had quite enough! Now take your stupid Vaseline and kindly scram back to the filthy rat hole you crawled in from, thank you very much!

But it's not just Democrats who can't stand the guy, even though a whopping 72% would sooner contract Ebola than vote for that old thing again. While taking 70% of the Republican vote was a key component of Lieberman's victory in 2006, 61 percent of Grand Old Patriots now say they would much prefer to swap him out for someone a little less smart, but a whole lot crazier, like say a Real Republican, who isn't afraid to draw Hitler mustaches on Obama's face, round up all the gays, Mexicans, Muslims and other undesirables and ship 'em off somewhere far, far away like Socialist Europe or something.

Even 63 percent of Independents, who usually don't know what the hell they want, except of course to never get their weirdo fringe candidate elected, and simply ruin the race for everyone else instead, say they'd rather make an actual decision (gasp!) and pick a viable side, then vote for ol' Bummer Bones Indy Joe, this time around. So, umm congratulations??

"Democrats, Republicans, and independents in Connecticut agree on one thing: they want Joe Lieberman replaced in the US Senate," said Dean Debnam, President of Public Policy Polling. "His path to reelection, at least at this point a couple years away, looks extremely difficult."

Difficult? Ha! The bastard's middle name is difficult.  Besides, that's never stopped fightin' Joe before! He'll just come up with another brilliant idea, maybe some sort of resolution dissolving Congress and granting sole legislative powers to himself and Hadassah, so America will never be without the dazzling charm and wit of the nation's #1 treacherous maverick with both a functioning mind and possession of his own soul.

Unlike his other beloved maverick pal, Gramps McCain, who gave up his already-decaying soul (his mind left loooong before) for the once-in-a-lifetime chance to unleash a lipstick-wearing Mama Grizzly Arctic drifter onto the world and still not even come close to winning anything, except maybe a chance at early retirement and a wonderful trail of lies, shame and disgrace in his wake. Hooray!

No need to worry about Joe's soul, though. He certainly isn't! Besides, there wasn't much there to begin with. No soul but plenty of power-hungry, selfish Joe-Centric goals. It's just the way the Lieb man rolls!

And since Joe doesn't mind shifting back 'n forth, up, down and every which way, so long as it serves himself, we'd advise Joe to consider losing the whole Jew thing and switch to Chinese Folk Religion instead.

Unfortunately, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. He'll have to wait another 8 years until 2020, when it's once again his time: the Year of the Rat, duh!

Whaddya say, Joe?? Satan/Lieberman 2020 does have a nice ring to it.

I think I smell a winner! Wait, or is that just the dang rat again??

Quick, exterminator!

Traitor Joe Lieberman Will Heroically Stand With Republicans To Fight For Rich People's Right Not To Pay Normal, Poor People Taxes

Permanent droopy faced Downercraticandipendent Sen. Joe Lieberman never met a terrible idea he didn't love, or missed the chance to play spoiler and screw everyone over on some important issue or another. It's his raison d'être!

When you're the intentionally annoying, token backstabbing leper, unwelcome in either party, you do whatever you can to stay relevant, in the hopes of once again feeling the shiny, warm gaze of the media's spotlight as its luxurious heat spreads throughout your frail limbs, filling the cold empty vacuum where a heart should be.

Which is why Traitor Joe couldn't wait to announce his awesome plans to do "everything I can" to stop Democrats from allowing Bush's upper-class tax cuts for the obscenely rich to expire, because haven't America's heirs and barons been through enough already? I mean it's bad enough they can't even prance around in diamonds and furs, toss $100 dollar bills into the air and laugh at the gross poors scrambling around below for sport, without feeling all weird and self-conscious anymore!

Ummm, there goes the neighborhood!

But does "everything I can" include stomping on the poor, unemployed, or otherwise downtrodden, while spitting in the face of average, hardworking blue-collar Americans in order to achieve this end?

Ha ha, only if he's lucky, my friends!

Naturally, Republicans would like nothing more than to extend all of the Bush tax cuts forever, because why on God's no longer Green Earth would the federal government need to fund itself? Sure, we're already an embarrassingly broke nation, and permanently extending Bush's tax cuts would result in a $3 to $4 trillion loss of revenue, but isn't that why ol' Georgey planted all those money trees behind the White House in the first place?

The flippin' cowboy genius!

Not surprisingly, arugula-eating, Socialist comrade Barack Obama only wants to extend, at least for a few years, tax cuts for the pesky, disappearing middle class, while ending the cuts on the top two brackets: reverting the 33% one back to 36%, and the top 35% one to 39.6%.

But apparently letting the $1.3 trillion Bush tax cuts on the richest human beings in world history expire and return to their slightly higher Clinton-era rates is considered very controversial in Washington, DC!

Even some Republicans like tanning bed salesman and Snooki's older brother, John Boehner, made the grave mistake of admitting that, given a choice between extending the tax cuts just for people who are less than very, very rich and no tax cuts at all, he would choose the former. Which, unlike everything else Republican leaders have said over the past couple of years, doesn't make less sense than one of Sarah Palin's tweets about "cackles of rads" and "cake inks."

Well this does not bode well with the rest of the Grand Ol' Patriots, and even some pseudo Democrats like ol' Joe Lieberman and Ben 'Nebraska' Nelson, who would simply prefer to hold hostage tax relief for 98 percent of the American people, in order to get (desperately needed) tax breaks for the top 2 percent, like say each and every 'illionaire in Congress!

Leave it to the lame, poor-loving Democrats to even so much as question why the richest of the rich need to keep their tax cuts!

Helloooooo?? Sure, the Wall Street titans, corporate CEOs, and banking executives did cause this whole recession thing, what with their predatory lending, and reckless bundling of toxic assets passed off as good investments not piles of hot garbage, which is why we, the American taxpayers, need to protect them from all this terrible damage they brought upon themselves!

How dare we ask our precious rich citizens to contribute as much to big, bad government as they did before El Savior George W. Bush came into office??

"When you have a huge national debt, when you have people who are unemployed, need to get to work, you do not -- not this year, not next year or the following year -- give tax breaks to millionaires or billionaires," said Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT). "That is obscene to my mind...I will do my best to defeat that proposal."

Ha, what a typical Socialist thing to say, Bernie! What's next, a national Give-Your-Gucci-To-A-Poor-Day?

But the big question remains, whatever will Congress do now? Since it is far more likely that dinosaurs come waltzing across the congressional floor than Democrats and Republicans actually coming to some sort of agreement before the deadline, all rates will go up this January, and Democrats will naturally be attacked for "raising taxes," or "destroying the suddenly-robust economy" or whatever.

Recently departed Obama budget director Peter Orszag believes he has the answer, which elitists can find in the Commie rag The New York Times:

In the face of the dueling deficits, the best approach is a compromise: extend the tax cuts for two years and then end them altogether. Ideally only the middle-class tax cuts would be continued for now. Getting a deal in Congress, though, may require keeping the high-income tax cuts, too. And that would still be worth it.

Why does this combination make sense? The answer is that over the medium term, the tax cuts are simply not affordable. Yet no one wants to make an already stagnating jobs market worse over the next year or two, which is exactly what would happen if the cuts expire as planned.

OMG, like totally! Because everyone knows tax cuts for the richest folks will definitely create more jobs....in China.

But then there's still the other little issue of putting this off until the presidential election season, when Democrats will suddenly have grown some balls, and certainly be willing to let all of the cuts expire, especially with a huge election on the line.

Much better to just keep kicking this can down the road, as far as it will go, indefinitely. If you're really lucky, eventually it might just pass through your trailer park or tent city.

Better yet, why not just kick Congress down the road, and let them expire instead?

Problem solved!

Constitutional-Lovin' Republicans (+Joe Lieberman) Discuss The Various Ways To Shred It...For Freedom!

Wingnuts from sea to shining sea, across this great land, are coming out in droves over the arrest of would-be Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad, each with their own unique perspective on how best to (mis)treat this awful terror suspect, and deny him his constitutional rights as a naturalized American citizen. Hooray!

But with so many congressional crazies saying so many asinine things, it's hard to decide which fair wingnut on the wall is indeed the nuttiest of them all!

Naturally, leading the chorus of shrieking weasels on the right is Arizona's own Mexican-hatin' maverick John McCain, who simply doesn't understand why we don't pick and choose which Americans deserve rights under the law.

Like which (if any!) detained suspects, especially Pakistani-born American ones, deserve to be reminded of their constitutionally-guaranteed right to remain silent.

"I think obviously that [mirandizing Shahzad] would be a serious mistake until we've—at least until we find out as much information as we have, and there are ways—legal ways—of delaying that."— Sen. John McCain (R-AZ).

Like a quick cat nap to help refresh your Alzheimer's-ravaged mind?

Of course, you might assume that someone who spent half a decade rotting away in a Vietnamese cage with no rights whatsoever in the defense of this nation and its system of justice, would have the utmost respect for the rule of law. You might also assume that said person would still have some semblance of integrity left in tact. You would, of course, be wrong on both fronts, however.

Luckily, that other shrill voice of hysteria reason, Rep. Peter King never really had any credibility to begin with, unless you consider his one-man boycott over the media's coverage of that no-good lowlife Michael Jackson's death, a sicko pervert he wouldn't even let in the same room as his child or grandchild. He doesn't care if the King of Pop moonwalked his way into it!

Well, luckily for us, Long Island's own King of Nothing, Peter King, has his own ideas about what to do with the newest scumsucker on the block, a common Muslim named Faisal Shahzad.

"I hope that [Attorney General Eric] Holder did discuss this with the intelligence community. If they believe they got enough from him, how much more should they get?"

"Did they Mirandize him? I know he's an American citizen but still." — Rep. Peter King (R-NY).

BUT STILL!! Sure he's an "American" and all, BUT STILL, does this really mean he deserves to be treated as one? Does anyone, really?

Eh, not really, according to Connecticut's favorite sniveling pariah, Joe Lieberman, whose own one-man jihad on fun and the dumb rule of law includes maybe changing the Constitution, sometimes, for some people, like those "affiliated with foreign terrorist organizations."

"I think it's time for us to look at whether we want to amend that law to apply it to American citizens who choose to become affiliated with foreign terrorist organizations, whether they should not also be deprived automatically of their citizenship, and therefore be deprived of rights that come with that citizenship when they are apprehended and charged with a terrorist act," Sen. Joe Lieberman said.

Ooooh, does this include his other terrorist affiliations, like big business and the Republican Party??

Although, we must admit, there is something incredibly tempting about the thought of Joe Lieberman no longer having the constitutional right to make the rest of us want to immediately denounce our citizenship, and hastily flee somewhere where they don't elect backstabbing traitors, moonlighting as constitutional shredders, as their esteemed representatives.

But surely somewhere in the Grand Old Party of terror-fightin' Constitutional scholars and loyal patriots of freedom and teabags, there is at least a single voice of reason, right?

"He is a citizen of the United States, so I say we uphold the laws and the Constitution on citizens. If you are a citizen, you obey the law and follow the Constitution. [Shahzad] has all the rights under the Constitution."

"We don't shred the Constitution when it is popular. We do the right thing."

And yes, apparently, there are times when that does include listening to the craziest mother of 'em all, Fox News's own blue-eyed angel of truth and tears, Glenn Lee Beck.

The now, sole voice of reason(?) left in the Republican Party.

So, God bless America? We're certainly gonna need it!

Though, I guess if things get really bad, we can just take Rush Limbaugh's advice and move to a place where silly, trivial things like the Constitution don't matter much anyway. Ya know, like Somalia or Arizona or whatever.

Look on the bright side, at least unregulated access to all of Rush's favorite narcotics will be a whole lot easier to snag!

Fun Facts: Special Diva, Downer, Dachshund, & Diddley Edition

World famous quitter Sarah Palin may not need hoity-toity teleprompters when delivering one of her $100,000 "reading off-the-hand" things to elitist students at Cal State University, instead demanding all the usual perks you'd expect from the one-time mayor of a snow-covered meth lab, turned half-term governor, turned professional Facebooker, teevee star and full-time diva.

Thanks to the arugula-eating college kids who dug through the trash to find her half-shredded contract, we now know Sarah is just like the rest of us hardworking schlubs who insist upon first class when forced to fly commercial and rub elbows with the gross public. Ugh.

But if little Miss Tiddlywinks is spared slumming with the rest of the gross, Real Americans on an actual 727, "the private aircraft MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger." In addition, her highness must be provided with a suite, plus two rooms at the best hotel, and bendy straws in her water bottles.

And you just wait and see what happens if her straws aren't flexible, God damn it!

This of course does not include Palin's upwards of $100,000 speaking fees for the trouble of reading a semi-coherent list off the palm of her hand before taking questions from the extensively screened audience members whose questions are predetermined, lest sweet Sarah find herself in the uncomfortable situation of having to actually formulate an original thought 'stead of readin' generic fightin' words about how America is the bestest, most beautifulest, freeest, most God lovingest, awesomest country in the whole wide world and that is why we must drill, baby drill until every last small business owner has health care for the economy of the Real America without evil socialist government taxes cause they're mean and we hate 'em!

On the other hand, Alaska is awesome just like capitalism and Fox News and Tea Parties, and that is why we need to get that suspiciously Muslim Kenyan out of the White House and back to organizing dumb communities in Chicago (or was it China?) or wherever it is that hardworking people of color go to help better their impoverished communities because they hate America.

You know who doesn't hate America? Joe Lieberman that's who!

Sure, countless months and asinine teabagger rallies have passed, with nary a peep or even a Wah Wah about how the poors are ruining this or black people make him uncomfortable, or secret oil wars are good, from everyone's favorite bundle of charm and delight, Joseph Isadore Lieberman.

We were beginning to wonder if everything was alright with Jewish Benedict Arnold since he hadn't said or done anything dumb and terrible to piss people off or even try to ruin everything for everyone like he usually does so well.

But fear not my friends, because Connecticut's biggest mistake since neighboring terrible gay Taxachussetts, is back to remind America why we despise this sniveling wisp of a man in the first place.

Like saying how Sarah Palin is "warm and likable," and a "powerful force" who speaks for "a lot of people out there."

"I think ... Sarah Palin for a lot of people has become a spokesperson. People worried that government has forgotten them, that it has grown too big, that the deficit is growing too large, and in some sense that we're not being as strong as we should be in the world—Governor Palin has spoken to those concerns as much as anyone."

"I do disagree with her on some of the specifics that she has said, but I think anybody who underestimates Sarah Palin as a political force in America does so at some peril, because she is speaking for a lot of people out there.

Especially those who kan't read good and/or have babies out of wedlock after a drunken night in the back of a pickup truck.

But that's not all! You see Joe has never quite felt comfortable with these massive majorities for the party that nominated him for vice-president way back in 2000, the very party he caucuses with, and which grants him the numerous chairmanships and high ranking positions on valuable committees he covets so much.

And that is why Joe is so very thankful that the Great Pendulum of American Democracy will swing back towards the Republicans— America's true party—come 2010 when the Grand Old Party retakes the House, Senate, and the nation back from brink of Socialist ruin at the hands of a radical black man from Kenya.

"There were a lot of people, particularly Democrats, who were declaring after the 2008 election that we were beginning a period of Democratic dominance that would go on for decades," Lieberman said during an interview with the conservative Newsmax magazine. "Now, all of a sudden, the momentum is with the Republicans. And that's—thank God—that's the way people have spoken, you know? That's our democracy."

And thank God (the Republican God, not the liberal "Allah," that is), that I, Joseph Lieberman, live in a Democracy where I can vote against this beautiful, heaven-sent tsunami of Republican momentum on things like evil ObamaCare (if it suits me) and still pray for this delicious GOP tidal wave to sweep me up in its frothy wake. Or if all else fails, just become an Independent because I, Joe Lieberman, don't answer to anyone, except Sarah Palin, my wife Hadassah, and the many interest groups who put money in my very deep, always hungry pockets. For America!

No, senator, thank God for you! I mean how else would we, the dumb public, know what a real, live chameleon looks like when trying desperately to survive in the jungle of American politics? Survival of the fittest is alive and well my friends!

Speaking of the evolutionary LIE that is survival of the fittest, creationist and former morbidly obese governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee, does not believe that children are puppies. As such, these youngins (which are distinctively different than their canine counterparts), deserve to be with fellow carbon-based, sentient beings like humans, not terrible disgusting blights on humanity like gross gay people.

In the interview, good ol' Huck explained why he supports the Arkansas law barring same-sex couples from adopting or becoming foster parents. "This is not about trying to create statements for people who want to change the basic fundamental definitions of family," Huckabee said. "And always we should act in the best interest of the children, not in the seeming interest of the adults."

"Children are not puppies," he said. "This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?"

Much better to just keep 'em in the pound orphanage where they feel comfortable (cold, hungry, and alone) than start 'experimenting' with two parents who love and care for them and want to provide them with an actual home and family and other such things that humans have no need for.

"You don't go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the ideal. That would be like saying, well, there are a lot of people who like to use drugs, so let's go ahead and accommodate those who want who use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, so we should accommodate them."

Hell no, we don't! That would also be like saying there are people out there who believe that humans and dinosaurs lived side by side, in perfect harmony, after God crafted Adam from silly putty, before springing Eve from his hearty rib in a moment of artistic expression, so we should accommodate them too. Ha ha imagine that!

Which is why the gays can feel free to adopt and sodomize as many puppies as they'd like but not babies because gays shouldn't be allowed to own those things. Ever.

Speaking of li'l miracles of God, that dumb community organizer who can't even see Russia from his porch and thus doesn't even know what a nuclear weapon is, Barack Obama, managed to get 47 other countries to sign on to his terrible and dangerous, "Don't Give Nukes To Terrorists Pact." Ugh. Why does this guy love Osama bin Laden so much, and why couldn't America have elected someone smart and responsible like Sarah Palin (or even Bristol!) as president of the world instead?

One wink and you betcha! the terrorists would know who's boss.

When not working hard to ensure Virginia remains for straight lovers, not gay sinners, Gov. Bob McDonnell showed his support for all things Southern, by declaring April "Confederate History Month," without even mentioning that little historical hiccup known as slavery.

Ooops. Of course, after Virginians criticized the governor for his innocent omission of the fact that white people owned black people as property, McDonnell quickly apologized for his insensitivity and added language to the decree calling slavery "evil and inhumane."

This makes one fellow GOP Governor of Mississippi, proud former slaveowner and defender against Northern Aggression, Haley Barbour, very upset.

He simply doesn't understand all the brouhaha over something as insignificant as the forced enslavement of an entire people in order to keep cotton costs low. Hello?? Ever heard of savvy business maneuvers? Is this not America, the land of opportunity?

"To me, it's a sort of feeling that it's a nit, that it is not significant, that it's not a — it's trying to make a big deal out of something that doesn't matter for diddly," Barbour told CNN.

Well, maybe for Bo Diddley, but 3/5ths doesn't count much anyway.

In that case, guess Sasha and Malia will have to come up with a more suitable namesake for First Dog "Bo" than the original R&B rock 'n roller. Something to really catch the white power essence of America's heroic struggle against Northern Aggression. How does Barbourian sound?

Joe Lieberman Wins His Millionth Consecutive Worst Person Award!

Seriously, I'm beginning to think the best public option for health care reform may be to kill Joe Lieberman and simply be done with the whole "Wah Wah nobody likes me because I'm a dishonest, deceitful, conniving, backstabbing, boring old fuddyduddy who sucks the oxygen from every room" routine. Because, quite frankly, it's getting a bit stale.

But the will of millions of Americans, and the 59 Democratic senators working hard to get something done other than desperately trying to get that chocolate-hued President tossed out on his behind, means nothing to ol' Joe! Nor does going back on his pledge to support the Medicare buy-in proposal HE insisted replace the so-called "public option" for no reason except the sheer enjoyment he gets from personally destroying other peoples' happiness.

It's just Joe's style.

From Talking Points Memo:

In a move that senior leadership aides say has left them stunned, Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) has told Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) that he will filibuster a tentative public option compromise unless it's stripped of its key component: a measure that would allow people aged 55-64 to buy insurance through Medicare.

The development casts substantial doubt on whether or not a health care reform bill can pass in the Senate, and even more doubt on whether a bill that does pass the Senate will be reconcilable with substantially more progressive House legislation in such a way that a final reform package can once again pass in both chambers of Congress.

Ummm yeah that's usually what happens when the key 60th vote suddenly decides he now absolutely despises and will have nothing to do with the very Medicare buy-in proposal HE SUPPORTED THREE MONTHS AGO simply because, well, it pains him terribly to do anything to help anyone except himself. Ever.

So, now the question becomes how will the White House and an enraged Harry Reid respond to the latest slap-in-the-face by professional turncoat Joe Lieberman? Shall they bring the smackdown and get his wayward ass back in line by threatening to strip him of his beloved chairmanships or continue the whole "Munich" approach since it worked so well with Hitler and all?

The White House is encouraging Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) to cut a deal with Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.) and eliminate the proposed Medicare expansion in the health reform bill, according to an official close to the negotiations.

But Reid is described as so frustrated with Lieberman that he is not ready to sacrifice a key element of the health care bill, and first wants to see the Congressional Budget Office cost analysis of the Medicare buy-in. The analysis is expected early this week.

“There is a weariness and a lot of frustration that one person is holding up the will of 59 others,” the official said. “There is still too much anger and confusion at one particular senator’s reversal.”

Which is why a really great idea would be to now change the bill, or at least get rid of the latest addition Joe insisted upon but now can't stand in order to appease the old coot until he comes up with the next pretend reason why he must ruin everything. For everyone. Again.

But hey, don't blame Joe. He's just doing what he does best!

After Monday evening's meeting with the White House to discuss how to proceed, Sen. Evan Bayh, a moderate Democrat, said, "To use an old cliche, the general consensus was we shouldn't make the perfect the enemy of the good."

Of course not! We should make the asshole its best friend instead.

Meghan McCain's Bountiful Breasts Know Joe Lieberman's No Traitor!

Sassy blogger Megs McCain is upset. And not just because some meanies on the teevee and radio made fun of her voluptuous curves and God-given set of full, ample breasts. But something far, far worse--the terrible treatment of her favoritest turncoat and longtime role model Senator Joe Lieberman.

For some absurd reason, everyone hates ol' Joe Liebs just because he has the "courage" to stand up to all those greedy Americans who can't afford adequate coverage by threatening to filibuster any health care reform bill that includes the dreaded public option.

You see Meghan understands what it feels like to be hated just for having big boobs, blonde hair, and a super famous daddy run for president. So she totally gets what Joe is going through standing up for his beliefs by betraying the Democratic Party and all.

"The older generation needs to understand that my generation does not respond well to anger, hate, and personal attacks. We are a generation of communicators, and to us, actions speak louder than loud words. Perpetuating negativity will only result in the tuning out of another generation of voters, and we simply can’t afford that. I find it especially ironic that most of those who criticize Senator Lieberman more often than not have never run for elected office. But as the old saying goes, those that can’t do, criticize."

Hahahahahahahaha! You're so right Meghan! Except when they get their own Daily Beast column. Then they do that instead.

"Let’s face it, it's easy to preach to the converted and many people have mastered the art of the negative sound bite. If I want to hear the liberal bias, I will turn on MSNBC. If I want to hear conservative dogma, I will turn on Fox. But where do people go to listen to the Joe Liebermans of the world? Where can we hear voices that dare to cross party lines, think outside the box, and say what they truly believe? If this country wants to simply be a place of extreme partisan politics, I think we are well on our way. If people like Senator Lieberman are treated with such disrespect for daring to be true to their political beliefs, there will really be no hope for independent thinkers of my generation to be inspired to join the political process."

And then where will impressionable young mavericks-to-be who confuse bipartisanship and outside-the-box thinking with selling out for political ends and personal gain turn to? I, for one, can't begin to imagine the kind of world it would be without American heroes like Gramps McCain, hip daughter Meghan, and of course charismatic merrymaker Joe Lieberman working hard on behalf of the American people.

"And for the record, Senator Lieberman is now an even greater source of inspiration and comfort to me in politics."

And you to us, Meggy. Especially with those two irresistibly soft lovely pillows.

Joe Lieberman See's Opportunity To Fulfill His Destiny As Biggest Buzzkill Ever

America's most boring, backstabbing, rat pariah Senator Joe Lieberman woke up this morning only to realize it was late October and he hadn't filled his "What can I do to piss everyone off?" quota for the month.

This made him very upset. So upset in fact that he was forced to quicken his slow, lumbering gait and hurry his droopy self over to reporters to hastily explain his reasons for wanting to screw up the whole health care reform thing. Perhaps a troubled childhood? Or maybe he's just jealous of that Harry Reid fellow for also being boring, old and annoying, yet oddly likable or at least compared to sniveling, self-serving frauds like himself.

"I told Senator Reid that I’m strongly inclined–I haven’t totally decided, but I’m strongly inclined–to vote to proceed to the health care debate, even though I don’t support the bill that he’s bringing together because it’s important that we start the debate on health care reform because I want to vote for health care reform this year. But I also told him that if the bill remains what it is now, I will not be able to support a cloture motion before final passage. Therefore I will try to stop the passage of the bill."

Of course, this man of honor (and the magic #60 for Democrats in a cloture vote) would totally side with Republicans to filibuster any health reform bill he doesn't agree with because that's basically what Democrat-turned-Independent-turned outcast congressional nuisances do when they aren't getting enough attention.

"I think a lot of people may think that the public option is free. It’s not. It’s going to cost the taxpayers and people who have health insurance now, and if it doesn’t it’s going to add terribly to the national debt…there’s so much in this health reform legislation that is so good, that I think they’re just putting an unnecessary burden on top of it by creating another Washington-based entitlement program."

Oh, Joe, Joe Joe! Just because you're still bitter about being embarrassed in the 2006 Democratic primary and having to switch parties (because no one likes you) doesn't mean you have to ruin everything and sell your soul all so some sketchy corporation continues to fund your pathetic campaign to desperately cling to power.

You may be a lot of things (whiny, petty, and mind-blowingly dull), but we all know you're not stupid. Or at least not in the Sarah Palin kind of way, which means you know very well the public option wouldn't be a government-funded entitlement for free health care like you claim, but a self-sufficient program financed by premiums and unable to draw on federal funds, with the whole concept being the opposite of difficult to understand and all.

Never mind the fact his statements are at great odds with the findings of most experts, who say that by lowering the government's subsidy burden, a public option will actually save money. Joe pays no mind to annoying trivialities like facts and truth.

Think about it. How else would he continue his impressive streak as the hands-down winner of the people's choice awards for douchiest senator ever? I mean you don't get to be the greatest mistake the public ever made for nothing!

Is The 5th Time A Charm For Joe Lieberman's Climate Bill To Destroy Earth?

America's least popular Democrat-turned-Independent-turned pariah Sen. Joe Lieberman has managed to do the one thing he does best: piss everyone off!

So it is with this dual gift of petulance and spite that Joe "Wah Wah" Lieberman forges ahead in his quest to revive the already five-time-defeated House climate change bill in the less conservative Senate by increasing funding for coal and nuclear power plants, a move certain to appeal to those who believe "climate change" is really just a code-word for raping Mother Earth for all she's worth. Ca-chiiing!

People like go-it-alone Joe and his patriotic crew of Republican "friends" and legislators who quite frankly won't be voting for any climate change anything, but get a kick out of watching ol' Joe scramble around angering Democrats and other liberal lame-o's who want a climate change bill because of its alleged ability to actually change the climate, as in the opposite of polluting the hell out of it.

While Joe's special climate change bill does include plenty of sweet perks to coal companies and the nuclear power industry (which also makes Republicans HOT!), its chances of passing in Congress appear bleak, since it is despised by most Dems and everyone else who would like to see the planet survive beyond their senate term.

“I don’t think we’re going to [pass a bill] without bipartisan support,” Lieberman whined. “And without a nuclear title that’s stronger than in the House climate change legislation, we’re not going to be able to get enough votes to pass climate change.”

Or at least not the kind that suffocates any and all oxygen-breathing organisms in its reach with a noxious blend of fossil fuels, greenhouse gas, a dash of Republican insincerity and greed, and a nice, hearty dose of the one-of-a-kind stupidity that is Mr. "Independent" Joe Lieberman.

Sen. Charles Grassley Still A Twitterin' Fool

Republican Sen. and Twitter sensation Charles Ernest "Chuck" Grassley has taken to the Internets once again to spew nonsense at that terrible President Barack Obama for having the nerve to fix the nation's health care system NOW instead of waiting indefinitely and letting it die a miserable death on the Senate floor, like Grassley and his bipartisan crew of morons and traitors would like.

A crew consisting of none other than Nebraska pseudo Democrat Ben Nelson (hey, it's Nebraska, what did you expect?) and America's least popular Senator from Connecticut, cranky old turncoat Joe "Wah Wah" Lieberman. Yeah!

Just like Twitter King Grassley, these caring lawmakers are committed to "providing relief for American families as quickly as possible, but believe taking additional time to achieve a bipartisan result is critical for legislation that affects 17 percent of our economy and every individual in the U.S."

Guess they just wanna doRITE!

How McCain's VP Choice Went From Cranky Jew To Crazy Shrew

Remember when John McCain went nuts-o and decided to select that Alaskan floozy Sarah Palin as his running mate even though her only qualifications were having female reproductive organs, a pretty face, and some of the god damn funniest lipstick jokes the world has ever heard.

If it seemed suspicious, that's because McCain never wanted to pick that hussy in the first place. He really wanted droopy fellow senior citizen Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.), but certain state's so-called "sore loser" laws (like crazy West Virginia), would have prevented a Republican ticket that included a sniveling, no-good, backstabbing, party-switching rat like Joe "Democrat" Lieberman on its ballot. So, it was sayonara to ol' Joe.

From there, the vetting process intensified with the remaining top candidates asked "stumper" questions like whether they were ready to use nuclear weapons and whether they would take a shot at Osama bin Laden even if it meant the death of civilians.

While other candidates like former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty failed to dazzle McCain or his vetting team with their thoughtful, coherent, even-handed (boring!) answers, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin “hit them out of the park.”

Although no one would reveal exactly what pearls of wisdom Miss Palin imparted, we can only assume Sarah Barricuda didn't blink when explaining why her aerial hunting skills may just be the solution needed to take that old raghead out once and for all--if the nukes failed to do it first, that is!

Sure, the McCain team had their doubts about Sarah's ability to serve as president, with chief VP vetter A.B. Culvahouse conceding that, “I don’t think she would have been ready on Jan. 20, but few people would.” So what sealed the deal for the feisty Alaskan ice queen?

According to Culvahouse, at the end of the interview, he informed McCain that Palin would be a "high risk, high reward" pick for the job. McCain’s response?

"You shouldn’t have told me that. I’ve been a risk-taker all my life."

Damn straight! How else would he have been able to leave his now-crippled first wife while she recovered from a freak automobile accident for a younger, hotter, blonder beer heiress with bigger breasts and a hell of a lot more money!?

Joe's Woes: The Life Of America's Least Popular Senator

It Ain't Easy Being Joe!

It is official! Dopey Joe Lieberman is no longer just the token pariah of the U.S. Senate, he is now also the honorable recipient of the people's choice award for douchiest senator. Ever.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, it's true! The charmingly cranky senator from Connecticut now boasts the “highest disapproval rating" in any Quinnipiac University poll in any state for a sitting U.S. senator — except for New Jersey’s Robert Torricelli, just before he resigned in 2002.

In fact, well over half those surveyed say they would prefer almost anyone to old Joe, including that crazy mop-top dude with the weird name from Illinois who tried to sell that "f**kin' golden thing" known as Obama's senate seat. Because at least he's honest when he screws you over.

So congratulations to you Senator Lieberman for a job well done. You don't even need to be arrested on corruption charges to be considered the greatest mistake the public ever made!

A "Jewish Problem?" Please, Not For Mr. Baruch Obama!

Baruch Being A Good Jew At The Wailing Wall In Jerusalem

He Loves America And Israel, Too!

Looks like we'll need to find another group to blame now that the Jews are off the hook.

Barack Hussein Obama's so-called "Jewish problem"--you know, the one the media predicted would cost him the elderly Jewish Mecca of Florida and as a result, the election itself, never quite panned out.

Then why all the fuss?

Well for starters, as a general rule, Jews don't necessarily flock to vote for secret Muslim terrorists with the middle name Hussein.

They also just adore those Clintons and consider them to be honorary tribesman, so many were understandably miffed when that dark unknown guy with the weird name beat their beloved Hillary to win the nomination.

It took a little time but eventually even the older, more set-in-their-ways Jews warmed up to the man, as everyone, save for those with the worst cataracts, began to see what a mench Obama was.

John McCain, his new running mate Sarah Palin, and a crumbling economy basically took care of the rest.

If there is one thing Jews do not want to see, it is the "more experienced" presidential candidate handling money-related matters like a panicky school girl, albeit a white-haired one, wrinkly one.

Next on the list would probably be some right wing Alaskan nut job, who thought Jews had horns until the day before she accepted the VP nomination, wailing and shrieking about her deep love for Israel.

So, I guess it is safe to say that Barack Obama's whole Jewish problem turned out to be nothing at all.

With one big exception of course:

"Who Me, Harmless Ol' Joe Lieberman?"

Wah Wah Joe Lieberman Sulks, Then Offers His Dull Congratulations

Aw, Joe, How Can We Stay Mad At Such A Cute Face?

Oh, Joe. We really appreciate your statement congratulating Barack Obama on his historic victory last night, even if you did do everything in your power to prevent it from happening for the last year or so.

You made us very nervous, Joe! Thankfully, though, not many people listened to the advice of a washed-up, Jewish (gasp!) turncoat with a dopey grin and suspect motives.

Boy, we were angry when you spit in the face of your fellow Democrats to endorse John McCain and whore yourself out at the Republican Convention, but we have learned to forgive.

We see now that your sincerity and willingness to let bygones be bygones is a true testament to your character.

"Now that the election is over, it is time to put partisan considerations aside and come together as a nation to solve the difficult challenges we face and make our blessed land stronger and safer."

We could not agree with you more, Joe. The only way to move this country forward is to have Republican and Democrats working together to solve the nation's most pressing issues.

President Obama (remember, the half-black guy you tried to ruin?) has already expressed his intention to build a cross-party coalition to get things done in Washington--based on ideas and action and not ugly partisan politics.

Sadly, though, you probably won't be a part of it. And not because you are a wandering orphan, unloved and unwanted by either Republicans or Democrats.

It's just that damn whiny voice of yours that we can't stand.