Oy Vey! Rick Santorum's Gift To The Jews Is A Holiday Wish From Jesus Christ

Leave it to sweater-vest rocking, missionary-sex crusading, Christ loving, gay-bashing Republican Rick Santorum to know just what the Jews of South Carolina (all six of them!) want to hear around Hanukkah time: A quote from Jesus Christ in the New Testament threatening people who don't follow HIS word. Here's looking at you, Jews!

Because nothing says "friend of the Jews" more than a gold and red "Holiday Season" card inscribed with a Christian Bible verse reminding the Chosen people why, by refusing to worship Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, they have chosen to go straight to hell.

Or as the Jews say, Chell.

Which, coincidentally enough, feels remarkably like South Carolina.

Seriously, Rick, haven't the Jews suffered enough?

Oy Vey! Since Weiner's Unkosher, Ultra-Orthodox Jews In New York Help Elect A Different Kind Of Prick: A Republican!

OMG, did you hear the news, America? The mind-blowing, earth-shattering, life-altering, universe-imploding news straight out of Anthony Weiner's pants New York's 9th about Barack Obama being un-elected, thanks to a special election to replace fallen Democratic cocktease, err congressman, and Twitterin' fool, Anthony Weiner with someone a little less circumcised and a little more racist.

Hooray??

You see, a funny thing happened on the way to Kew Gardens. Apparently, instead of just voting to replace Anthony "Cock Shot" Weiner, his entire former NY-9 district got together to cast their 2012 Election votes a good year-plus ahead of time in a referendum on that terrible failure Barack Hussein Obama for everything Republicans hate about him (his skin color?).

Turns out, New York is sick and tired of being a godless, gay, Jew-less, Socialist mecca for no-good terrorist Muslims, which is why NY-09 decided to use this special House race to elect a Republican for the first time since 1922.

That's right, people! The fair citizens from southern Brooklyn to south central Queens (Rego Park, what what!) have chosen 70-year-old Muslim hating maniac and Teabagging delight Bob Turner over 56-year-old (not quite ultra) Orthodox Jew Democrat David Weprin as the new President of New York of America.

Because contrary to what the Jew-run lamestream media would like you to believe, Jewish voters actually hate Obama (just ask Fox News!), which is why the black hat, ultra-orthodox Jews chose Turner, a Catholic, over Weprin, a Jew Obama, a Jew-hater.

But that's not all! It's also because of the gays getting gay-married and Muslims building Muslim-y Mosques all over the once-sacred streets of strip clubs and sex shops in Lower Manhattan.

According to the AP:

Democrats enjoy a 3:1 registration advantage over Republicans in the district, but it’s relatively conservative by New York standards in national contests to make it upset territory, going for President Obama with only 55% of the vote in 2008 with similar numbers for John Kerry in 2004. The district’s unique ethnic makeup — heavily Jewish (especially Orthodox), heavily Irish and Italian, and heavily Asian and Hispanic — and strong local character makes it difficult to declare it representative of the nation of large.

But voter frustration with Obama put Weprin in the unlikely spot of playing defense. Turner, a 70-year-old Catholic, vowed to push back on Obama's policies if elected.

Weprin became embroiled in New York-centric disputes over Israel and gay marriage, which cost him some support among Jewish voters.

Orthodox Jews, who tend to be conservative on social issues, expressed anger over Weprin's vote in the Assembly to legalize gay marriage. And Weprin was challenged on the right of the sponsors of the Park 51 community center, a proposed Islamic center and mosque near the World Trade Center site, to locate their project in Lower Manhattan.

So congratulations to Bob Turner, the new representative of your crazy, racist, homophobic, Jewish aunt with five cats, 500 square feet of prime studio space, and zero tolerance for gross gays, even grosser Muslims, and of course, the grossest of all, charming, chocolate-colored presidents.

Mazel Tov to Bubby! You've successfully traded a Weiner for a dick!

Oy Vey! Like Everything Else, Michele Bachmann Works Up The Nerve To Say "Chutzpah" In The Most Idiotic Way Possible

Michele Meshugana Bachmann went on her favoritest Fox News for the third time in one week not to talk about her homosexual husband's tendency to listen to struggling men talk about their terrible same-sex attractions all day long (for Jesus!) and also to once again remind the world why anyone too dumb and crazy to complete a coherent thought should probably never be in charge of anything, let alone the actual United States of America.

But instead of just giving her predictably asinine thoughts about how defaulting on our debt will do nothing to hurt U.S. credit ratings because "we have the money to pay it" (psst: even if we don't really pay it) and Jesus said we're too big to fail, Michele decided to go ahead and offend Yiddish-speaking bubbies across this great nation.

Oy Vey!

"It more fashionable for the president to scare people and say the sky is about to fall, we're gonna lose our credit rating. No we won't, we have plenty of money to pay it, just pay it, take that issue off the table..."

Yes, ma'am!

"Here's the big issue. The president doesn’t want to have to be confronted with priorities in spending, because he has a lot of chutzpah."

Except she pronounces "chutzpah" "shoot-spa" because apparently Michele has only ever heard of Jews, she has never actually heard Jews (they probably aren't allowed in MN-06!).

Besides, "Shoot-spa" is what Michele calls the rifle range. Ya know, the place that normal, decent, non-Jewish Americans go to relieve stress from cartoonishly closeted hubbies flitting about every which way, or making humiliating mispronunciation gaffes of Jewish-y words on national teevee. National Jew-run teevee!

Oh well. It's like they always say, better goy than gay!

Wonder how she pronounces, "My husband is a "faygala?"

Julian Assange & John Galliano Don't Have A Jewish Problem, All Their Problems Just Happen To Be Jews!

What is with the Jews these days? The damn yids just cannot stop forcing otherwise renowned, well-respected, wealthy, international middle-aged men (of mystery), notably John Galliano and Julian Assange, to say terrible, bigoted, ignorant things about them in bars, interviews, and other public places vicious anti-Semitic rants are typically discouraged.

Apparently, killing Christ just wasn't enough for the greedy bastards!

First, they shystered Christian Dior creative director and real life Mugatu, John Galliano, into innocently proclaiming "I love Hitler" before reasonably informing the Jewish couple sitting next to him in a Paris bar, "People like you would be dead. Your mothers, your forefathers, would all be f****** gassed."

Ooh La La! Looks like someone's extra foam, no whip, skim soy chai latte didn't agree with him this morning, huh?

Hopefully, there will be more of an appreciation for weirdly androgynous flaming fashionistas who look like the bizarre love child of Salvador Dali, John Waters, General Franco and Cher after a wild, drug fueled orgy weekend in Ibiza, at his posh new rehab treatment center. Which is all the rage for racist mustachioed wrecks who get smashed and start shrieking about Final Solutions and five-inch stilettos in the wee days before Fashion Week.

Haute Couture? Haha, more like Hate ze Jew!

Which brings us to the other dapper, albeit androgynous, albino lad from across the pond, Wikileaks founder and serial condom breaker, Julian Assange, who has simply had it up to here with all the Jews and Queers conspiring together trying desperately to bring him down. (Or was it to go down?)

In a phone conversation with Ian Hislop, editor of the British satirical and current affairs magazine Private Eye, Julian Assange furiously complains about an anonymous Private Eye story criticizing Wikileaks' association with its Russia representative, a raving anti-Semite and holocaust denier rather confusingly (and ironically!) named Israel Shamir.

Turns out, Assange wanted Hislop to know that he'd barely even met Shamir, and that Private Eye had been taken in (the dumb bastards!) by a cabal of reporters for the Guardian who hate Assange and who happen to all be total Jew faces, complete with devil horns.

So, umm, touché?

[H]e went on to say that we were part of a conspiracy led by the Guardian which included journalist David Leigh, editor Alan Rusbridger and John Kampfner from Index on Censorship—all of whom "are Jewish."
I pointed out that Rusbridger is not actually Jewish, but Assange insisted that he was "sort of Jewish" because he was related to David Leigh (they are brothers-in-law). When I doubted whether his Jewish conspiracy would stand up against the facts, Assange suddenly conceded the point. "Forget the Jewish thing."

Already forgotten, Julian!

Moving on, then.

The other thing about the whole Jewy and sort-of-Jewy people who are out to get him is that they are all total homos, too! Just ask ol' Jul!

"The reporters on the Guardian disappointed me," he continued. "They failed my masculinity test." (Wait, what?) "They behaved like gossiping schoolgirls," he said.

Oh, I get it! The way you pass Julian Assange's masculinity test is by looking like an effeminate silk-scarf wearing weirdo, while secretly Wikileaking your man seed hither and yon, in unsuspecting ladies' hoohas until there's a li'l Julian in every part of the globe, on as many continents as humanly possible.

OMG, quick someone alert the Republicans! Finally, a reason to keep abortion legal the whole world can get behind!

Though, knowing the Jews, they've already trademarked, patented it, and turned a tidy profit off it.

Naturally, Assange disputed the Private Eye report on his WikiLeaks Twitter feed, saying, Mr. Hislop had “distorted, invented or misremembered almost every significant claim and phrase."

"It is serious and upsetting. Rather than correct a smear, Mr. Hislop has tried to justify one smear with another."

“That he has a reputation for this, and is famed to have received more libel suits in the U.K. than any other journalist as a result, does not mean that it is right,” Assange said. “WikiLeaks promotes the ideal of ‘scientific journalism’ — where the underlying evidence of all articles is available to the reader precisely in order to avoid these type of distortions. We treasure our strong Jewish support and staff, just as we treasure the support from pan-Arab democracy activists and others who share our hope for a just world.”

Yes, a just world where you are what your brother-in-law is, which may be a Jew, a gay, a Nazi, a secret Muslim terrorist, or in Julian's case, a total asshole.

And anti-Semitism isn't an archaic, outdated relic of an ignorant and tragic past, but the hottest new hashtag trending on Twitter.

Right after #CharlieSheenCokeWhores, of course!

Sarah Palin's State Of Her Living Room Address To A Grieving Nation (Psst: Jews Eat Christian Babies!)

Everyone knows that the real victim of the recent tragedy in Arizona isn't the innocent little 9-year-old girl who was shot dead, the young Democratic congresswoman in critical condition with a bullet lodged inside her brain, or even any of the 20 other individuals killed or wounded at the hands of a Glock-totin' desert dwelling madman. Heavens, no!

The real victim of this unspeakable tragedy is none other than, Sarah Palin, of course! Why, just think of all the terrible, awful things she's had to endure at the hands of the evil (JEW-RUN) lamestream media simply because she, the Ice Queen of Alaska, occasionally puts maps with gun crosshairs targeting specific politicians on the internets. Err, at least when she isn't Tweetin' 'bout "Homos" and killin' the Mexicans, Muslims, and other scary M-word minorities Americans must hate for freedom and Jesus, that is!

Without further ado, ladies and gentleman, I present to you Sarah Palin, President of having no real job except exploiting horny old white men and dumb-as-doorknobs women with as many kids as shotguns, by spreading hate and fear of everyone but themselves, for money, speaking from her living room fireplace in Wasilla.

Quick, Piper, start the camera rolling in 3...2...1, now!



Ahem, thank you for your applause America. Even in a time of tragedy, you still find time to praise me! You're too kind, really! Except for those bastard liberals, pundits, and journylists blood libelin' me, accusin' me of causing crazy people to do crazy things with guns. Those haters 'n has-beens have better be careful. Because if they do not watch out, I will literally put the scope of my huntin' rifle on another member of Congress. I will do it, so help me God. Socialism.

Let's get one thing straight here. There is nothing, I said, NOTHING wrong with former half-term Governors of the Arctic Circle/Guardians of Russia and current reality teevee stars using interactive map hit lists with gun crosshairs aimed at vulnerable congressmen and women because everyone knows "Take up your arms' means voting."

Besides, it was a good map! I mean, it did have like all 50 states on there, not to mention beautiful color graphics in case a person wanted to print it out and take it with them while traveling on say, a murder spree across the continental U.S. of A. Isn't freedom just the absolute goshdarn bestest!?

"And we certainly must not be deterred by those who embrace evil and call it good."

Sweet Jesus no! We must give these people reality teevee shows, pour moose piles of money and undeserved attention on them, and then get shot in the head by one of their crazy, 'merican flag-wrapped followers all in the name of freedom!

Remember people, we must never let the random acts of one deranged apolitical criminal turn us against each other, because what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks do you think Sarah is here for?

Oooh, good start Sar! But enough about those pesky, n'er-do-well, Christ killin' Jews. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! Back to me, me, me, ME, ME, ME!

So how's that whole hatey, killy, reloady, crosshairsy, blood libely thing workin' out for ya?

Just like Clockwork Glockwork. Wink, wink.

Oh, you betcha!!

Shana Tova U' Betcha! Sarah Palin 's Facebook Wishes Y'all A Happy Jew Year!

Oy Vey!

As Jews across America and the world get ready to celebrate Rosh Hashanah and usher in the Jewish New Year, the Chosen Ones were greeted with a heartfelt message from none other than the Frozen One, Sarah Palin, who took to her personal Bimah, the social networking site for Tweens known as Facebook, to connect with her throngs handful of loyal Jewish(?) followers who have inexplicably succumbed to this false idol and also happen to have the last name Cohen or Goldberg.

Hooray!

But what rambling, incoherent ghostwritten Facebook message did Sarah not come up with this time? Will it be full of nonsensical run-ons, inverted syntax, and/or grammatically incorrect gibberish per usual? Or since everyone knows the Jews tend to be smart, intellectual people who typically don't appreciate the sad, pathetic prose of special needs snowdrifters, what magical, blessed, non-Jeebus words will Her Arctic Highness come up with on this second holiest of High Holidays?

Will it be full of good (Apples 'n Honey) cheer, Jew-y humor, and Yahweh-willing, chock full o' clichés about how Israel is the bestest, greatest, most freedom lovingest country in the world (after America of course!), and as such, Her evil Muslim enemies are our evil Muslim enemies too? Ooooh, you betcha!

"As Jewish families gather to celebrate the New Year and a new beginning marking the Day of Creation, I want to join them in praying for a good and sweet year ahead. This day marks the beginning of a period of reflection and repentance. It is a time to remember our responsibilities to our families, our communities, our country, and our world."

But remember Heebs, eat up now and don't forget to save some Jew-y repentance and suffering for the next even holier holiday, Yom Kippur, capisce? Oh what, are Jews too busy snipping off the penises of infant boys to learn fun Italian words, either?

"This is also a time to remember who we are as Americans and our responsibilities to help our friends and allies as they seek peace and security. The people of Israel have overcome so many challenges, taken so many risks, and made so many sacrifices in the pursuit of peace and a better life for their children. This New Year begins with a new hope for peace, but the threats to Israel – and to us – have not gone away."

Or at least since I first heard of that magical, dragon-filled land called Honah Lee, wait, or was it Galilee, when Gramps McCain and Co. taught me all about this whole wide world, outside of the frozen meth lab of Wasilla, filled with exotic wonders like people who wear beanies on their head, pray to a Wall that Weeps, and don't even eat freshly shot mammals unless they follow some weird 'dietary guidelines' like split hooves. Hahahaha, weirdo Yids! But contrary to popular opinion, they don't have horns...I know, I know, I totally thought so too!

"These are challenging times as Iran continues to work on building a nuclear weapon, Hamas attacks innocents on the eve of peace talks, enemies refuse to recognize Israel’s right to exist, and even in Europe and the United States we hear voices from those trying to delegitimize Israel."

Or, thanks to moi, those who simply use Facebook to delegitimize it!

"To our Jewish friends and neighbors on this Rosh Hashanah, may you be inscribed in the Book of Life. And for our friends in Israel, know that the American people will continue to stand with you in this New Year as you strive for peace and security."

You may now be seated!

Shanah tovah u'metukah. - Sarah Palin

OMG, someone get the Holy Father, she's speaking in tongues! The no-good Jews must have cast a spell on her!

PS: We forgive you for murdering Jesus!

But what do Sarah Palin's true, Jesus-blessed, not eternally-damned, Christian brothers and sisters think about all this hopey-changey Star of David hullabaloo? Seems non-controversial enough for the heat-packing Born-Agains and pro-life FemiNazis that comprise Sarah’s audience...or does it?

Well, well what do we have here? Looks like someone (hint: Mary Sheridan Faubion-Arling) has mistaken our lovely SarBear as another God-forsaken Jew type, too busy braiding challah to remember "Mother of God, Mary's birthday!" like some common heretic.

Well excuuuuuse her, if she is too busy "sewing holes in America's knees" to celebrate every obscure Judeo-Christian celebration on the face of the Earth. I mean what's next, asking her to wish gross Muslims a Happy Ramadan? Ugh, as if!

Besides, sewing holes for 500 million pant legs isn't exactly a relaxing sleigh ride through the neighborhood with Todd, now is it? Though with a little help from the whole gang (we're looking at you, Trigger!), that shouldn't take too long.

Of course, that does beg the question: What the heck is America doing on its knees so much that there are holes in them? Praying, we assume??

But alas, that is a question for another time, Sar's got to go check on her special Rosh Hashanah moose casserole (she wasn't sure if Mama Grizzly falls under the whole Kosher thing), so she just went with a traditional, delicious sauce made from the tears of Jesus and blood of Christian children, instead!

Besides, even when it comes to St. Sarah of the Snowy North, apparently, there is still such a thing as too much of a good thing, and it's not even coming from the elitist Jew-run media this time.

Let's not forget what McCain economic advisor Doug Holtz-Eakin warned the nation today about Sarah Palin being like the finest cocaine, and as such, how it is very difficult, impossible even, for us to stop putting her powdery white goodness up our collective, metaphorical noses. Err, in honor of her newest friends, the Jews, shall we say, our collective schnozzes?

But seriously, if we're talking about Sarah Palin, wouldn't the correct drug metaphor be crystal meth?

Besides, forget the usual preparation of boiling Sarah, evaporating her, grinding her powdery residue, and then sniffing her delicious snowflake like remains for the desired high.

For the full effect, you gotta straight up SHOOT the flake, snowball style!

Hilarious Future GOP President Mike Huckabee Never Met A Jew, Gay Joke, Or Heaping Plate Of Anything He Didn't Like!

Born again non-morbidly obese person Mike Huckabee has taken a hiatus from his previous job scarfing down double bacon cheeseburgers as the 400 lbs+ ex-Governor of Arkansas, to sit down with one of the hoity-toity, arugula-eating elitist magazines he's always shrieking 'bout at his current gig spewing nonsense for Fox News, to discuss some of his all-time favoritest topics like gross gay people, beautiful Jesus, and how he would totally be a Jew (go Moses!) if he weren't already an Evangelical Christian wingnut, who has taken Christ as his personal savior.

Oh, goody! Wonder if this self-proclaimed "nice guy" and God-blessed comedic talent will announce his candidacy to unseat that illegal Kenyan Socialist Barack Hussein NObama in 2012, or if he'll be too busy making hilariously offensive dirty jokes about the "ick" factor of banging gross old people and even grosser gay people?

In due time, my friends, in due time!

But first things first, what about those Jews everyone's always talkin' about, 'cept Sarah Palin who prefers twitterin' her two-sen$e in 140 nonsensical characters, indecipherable to those not born 'n raised in the abandoned meth lab of Wasilla. What about them?

“I worship a Jew!” Huckabee told the New Yorker. “I have a lot of Jewish friends, and they’re kind of, like, ‘You evangelicals love Israel more than we do.’”

Oh, hahahahahaha, so true! Errr, except for that one tiny little Jewy detail about Jesus not being the son of God, or the Messiah or anything, and not being saved when the Rapture comes as a result, but no big deal right? Heck, let's not let silly things like facts or details get in the way of a good discussion. On the bright side, they do like to kill Muslims, too, which is always a bonus!

"I’m, like, ‘Do you not get it? If there weren’t a Jewish faith, there wouldn’t be a Christian faith!'"

And then who would we persecute, slaughter, and vilify for having the blood of Christ on their hands??

Besides, if he really didn't love Israel sooooooooo much, why would he walk around wearing a yarmulke (which is a hat for Hebes, for those not as in touch with their Semitic roots as ol' Maccabee Huckabee), when it's convenient, from time to time?

“I think what I should do is convert,” Huckabee said, squinting in the sunshine. “This covers my bald spot completely.”

Oy vey! What an amazing idea Huck! Then all those other right-wing Jew-lovers throughout the heartland, who wave swastikas, buy your Jesus books, and vote for you in straw polls will be certain to keep supporting you and your wonderful work as God's true messenger and heaven-sent representative of the Chosen Ones here on Earth.

Sounds promising!

Not as promising as, say, Huck's stand-up career, but close enough!

Huckabee does deviate from Party orthodoxy on some issues. But what makes him even less predictable as a politician is his sense of humor. At times, he seems unable to resist the force of his own funniness. I joked with him once that I would write about his (fictitious) affair with Nancy Pelosi. He e-mailed back, “The only thing worse than a torrid affair with sweet, sweet Nancy would be a torrid affair with Helen Thomas. If those were my only options, I’d probably be FOR same-sex marriage!”

OH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is hilaaaaaaaarious! Everyone knows Huck loves his perfectly FEMALE wife and would never, ever, nerrrver, neverrrrrrrr have an affair, but if in some wild, crazy twist of fate, he had to be a terrible gross gay, he would probably be in favor of terrible, gross gay marriage, because it is almost as sinful and evil to be unmarried as it is to be a horrible homosexual. Not quite, but almost!

There is a special place in hell for those well-dressed, limp-wristed, Lady Gaga-adoring abominations before the Lord. The Constitution in his head says so!

Which would help explain why a sweetheart like Mike would ever compare homosexuality to incest and drug addictions, or spend his days as Governor of Arkansas doing important, Godly things like eating deep-fried lard, banning gay adoptions, and preventing gays from becoming foster parents.

Just Like Jesus Would Do!

But, it's not like Huck is homophobic or anything.

“I’ve had people who worked for me who are homosexuals,” he insists. “And I don’t walk around thinking, Oh, I pity them so much. I accept them as who they are! It’s not like somehow their sin is so much worse than mine.” 

Except of course that it is! Like ten billion times worse, even!

And it is not just because he is personally repulsed by these unnatural things, like the wrong penis-to-vagina ratios, or say, an entire family of obese Southern-fried wingnuts, or anything grotesque like that.

He has called homosexuality “sinful and unnatural” and is fond of amusing audiences with the witticism “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

“I do believe that God created male and female and intended for marriage to be the relationship of the two opposite sexes,” Huckabee said in his New Yorker profile. “Male and female are biologically compatible to have a relationship. We can get into the ick factor, but the fact is two men in a relationship, two women in a relationship, biologically, that doesn’t work the same.”

Of course, Huckabee was oh so surprised to hear that Arkansas state representative Kathy Webb, a lesbian from Little Rock, had said, “Huckabee doesn’t seem to have a whole lot of tolerance and good will for gay people.”

“It’s not personal,” he replied. “I could argue that people who want to change marriage are angry at me for wanting to keep it like it is!”

Which is of course the holy consecration of one huge, hideous man and one equally enormous woman in the eyes of God, Man, and Arkansas' fattest finest export, a one Mike Huckabee!

But what about some arguments that don't have to do with "God" or "ickiness," but rather that other made-up, nonsense concoction liberals are always squawking about, "Science?"

“There are some pretty startling studies that show if you want to end poverty it’s not education and race, it’s monogamous marriage,” he said. “Many studies show that children who grow up in a healthy environment where they have both a mother and a father figure have both a healthier outlook and a different perspective from kids who don’t have the presence of both.”

Well, well whoda thunk the key to ending poverty isn't education or even making everyone perfectly pure and white, as Huck's fellow Fox News friends would have you believe. No, no, it's to make everyone perfectly straight instead!

Of course, in light of the new, 25-year study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics concluding that children brought up by lesbians were actually better adjusted than their peers, one would think a sharp, scientific mind like ol' Mike would be even slightly curious to know whether allowing gay people to marry had a positive or negative effect on children and society, right?

“No, not really. Why would I be?” he said, and laughed. The ol' card!

Why, just look at the strapping paradigms of health and fitness that sprung from his sacred, bessed heterosexual loins!

One glance at his fine, hearty brood, and you'll understand where the man's coming from, too!

Other than a starring role at the circus sideshow or record-shattering performance at the local all-you-can-eat buffet!

But at least we know why Mike has such an appreciation for humor and jokes. His entire life is one! I mean, how else do you expect him to cope? God??

Ha ha, yeah right! Unless El Savior comes beer battered and deep fried, no thanks, Huck will take a pass. He just doesn't have the stomach for it!

Picture-Perfect: A Huckabee Family Portrait

Class Dismissed! Alabama Shows America How It Rolls: Square Wheels + Right-Wing Angles = Lowest Common Denominator

Ah yes, Alabama, the Crimson-tinted land of enlightenment and progress. One of the last remaining beacons  of light and hope in the dismal failure known as the post-antebellum "United States Experiment." But producing cotton, resisting integration and assassinating civil rights leaders isn't the only thing the Heart of Dixie brings to the table. No sir-ee!

When it comes to education, Alabama is naturally at the top of the class, with the brightest of minds headin' south of the Mason-Dixon line to teach all about how man descended from Adam before generously donating part of his rib to create that other highly emotional, lesser intelligent, inferior species called women, in case he got hungry or his cave needed a good spring cleaning or just some tidying up. You can never be too prepared!

But that's not all! The fine educators down in 'Bama also know a thing or two about mathematics, the origins of which has nothing to do with the terrible Arabs of course, because such uncivilized (non-white) people know nothing of numbers or equations, only terrorism, subverting women, and threatening Comedy Central cartoonists for drawing an animated version of Muhammad, the single worst offense in the entire history of mankind.

Almost as bad as like 10,000 Holocausts, at least!

Which is why it comes as no real surprise that one of Alabama's very own esteemed educators decided what better way to teach the kiddies about angles, lines and other boring geometric concepts than by using a hypothetical assassination of President Barack Obama?

Much like most mathematical concepts involving random letters and numbers divided by square roots and multiplied by negative integers, this too makes perfect sense!

The Secret Service investigated a teacher in Jefferson County, Alabama after he "he picked the wrong example" and used a hypothetical assassination of President Obama to teach angles to his geometry students, the Birmingham News reports:

The teacher was apparently teaching his geometry students about parallel lines and angles, officials said. He used the example of where to stand and aim if shooting Obama.



“He was talking about angles and said, ‘If you’re in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president,’ ” said Joseph Brown, a senior in the geometry class.



The Secret Service questioned the math teacher, but decided not to arrest him or charge him with a crime.

Instead, Superintendent Phil Hammonds called the incident “extremely poor judgment” and “a poor choice of words,” but said he has no plans to fire the teacher. “We are going to have a long conversation with him about what’s appropriate,” Hammonds said.

Yes, a sternly worded conversation should just about do it. After all, no harm, no foul, right??

"We did not find a credible threat," said Roy Sex­ton, special agent in charge of Birmingham's Secret Service office. "As far as the Secret Service is concerned, we looked into it, we talked to the gentleman and we have closed our investigation."

It's about time, too! I mean it did already happen like almost an entire day ago, for cryin' out loud!

It's not like the man was encouraging his students to kill HUSSEIN OBAMA using parallel lines and cotangents, or anything even remotely like that. C'mon, that would be insane!

No, no, he was simply showing his class the fun, patriotic things you can do with shapes and angles, like shoot illegal Muslim terrorist presidents from Kenya in the head, and save America from black socialist Hitlers hellbent on providing everyone (even the gross poors) with affordable health care.

Kinda like how slavery wasn't the forced servitude of an entire people, but simply an outreach program by rich white Southern planters to help poor Africans come to America to learn better farming methods, not to mention the very generous, all-expense paid transatlantic voyage complete with shackles and chains (at no extra cost!).

Superintendent Hammonds said he will investigate the matter further, and will talk to students and teachers before recommending to the board what to do with the teacher.

Promote him??

"As a district, we are embarrassed by his actions and what he said," Hammonds said. "There is nothing that can be said to rationalize what was said. We take this very seriously. There is no place in our society for a person to make these comments."

Except when you're the distinguished teacher of high school students in Alabama. Then, by all means! After all, this is America, the land of freedom and fried meats on sticks!

Unless of course, parents start calling in wanting to know why little Johnny was suspended for pretending his fingers were a loaded gun, while geometry teacher Gregory Harrison can turn a lesson about the difference between perpendicular and parallel lines into a quick how-to guide to assassinating half-black presidents, without nary a consequence.

Because, then you might be forced to actually do something to appease all those hippie-dippie parents demanding to know why the district didn't feel it necessary to actually do anything, such as FIRE, the obtuse Jihadist geometry teacher with the irregularly shaped brain teaching their kids.

Guess in 'Bama, that's just how the Tide rolls?

Good thing the new zero-tolerance policy is being enforced by someone, even if that someone happens to be a white-power supremacist moonlighting as a geometry teacher passionate about right angles, radii, and circumference (other than what evil, Christ-killing Jews do to their newborn sons' wee-wees, of course!).

But on the bright side, who knew they even still taught geometry in Alabama!?! I figured that was as irrelevant as evolution, the whole civil war/slavery thing, scientific explanations for natural phenomena (you mean rain isn't just God crying?), and anything else $arah Palin doesn't explicitly approve of, condoms and fact-based, chapter books she didn't pretend to write, included!

Pat Buchanan Has Seen Quite Enough Christ Killing Jews Nominated To The Supreme Court, Thank You Very Much

Actual insane person and shameless anti-Semite Pat Buchanan took to his syndicated column on fringe major news network, MSNBC, to ask the one question on everyone's mind following President Obama's heretical nomination of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court.

No, no not the whole does playing softball make you an automatic lezzie question. Get your mind out of the gutter, people!

The other big question people keep asking themselves, after realizing that not one, not two, but THREE dirty Jews will soon be sitting on the Court, thanks to Comrade Barry's Bolshevik plot to do away with Christianity (and good, white, civilized people) once and for all!

"If Kagan is confirmed, Jews, who represent less than 2 percent of the U.S. population, will have 33 percent of the Supreme Court seats," Buchanan wrote. "Is this the Democrats' idea of diversity?"

How else would the pesky Jews be able to control the banks and media in Christian America?

You see, Uncle Pat understands your concerns. Believe me he does! Why else would he feel the same frustrations as all those black leaders expressing disappointment over Kagan hiring way too many white people while Dean of Harvard Law?

Because as a white Christian male in America, he has been through it all. The shame, humiliation, degradation, discrimination, and persecution that comes with being a person of no color in today's America. He feels your pain, brothas!

But while leaders in the black community may be upset, the folks who look more like the real targets of liberal bias are white Protestants and Catholics, who still constitute well over half of the U.S. population.
Not in living memory has a Democratic president nominated an Irish, Italian or Polish Catholic, though these ethnic communities once gave the party its greatest victories in the cities and states of the North.
What happened to the party of the Daleys, Rizzos and Rostenkowskis?
And not in nearly half a century has a Democratic president nominated a white Protestant or white Catholic man or woman.

Thank goodness there is still one party with the good sense and common decency to nominate pure, white judges, instead of one Christ-killer after another!

Otherwise, where in sweet heavens (or fiery hell) would all the poor, persecuted white Christians go once America is completely overrun by terrible Jews, homosexuals, abortionists, and assorted other causes of God's wrath in the form of catastrophic disasters like hurricanes, terrorist attacks, oil spills, and other indisputable proof that God hates sinners.

So, sorry, Jews! Maybe next time you'll pick the right Testament to follow and son of God to worship and then maybe people will like you instead of trying to kill, or convert and save you from eternal damnation and hellfire.
Not to mention the wonders that getting rid of those horns will do.

On the bright side, at least now Sarah Palin won't mistake you for a wild moose or elk when spraying lead bullets from her personal aerial hunting 'copter 10,000 ft above ground, just as Jesus Would Have Done.
If those damn Jews didn't get to him first, that is.

New Poll Shows Majority Of Republicans As Crazy As Their Leaders!

As Obama Derangement Syndrome--the disease where otherwise normal people are transformed into rabid, Hitler-waving lunatics who harass and throw crumpled dollar bills at defenseless old men with Parkinsons all because a semi-black man occupies the White House--continues to infect Teabaggers, the entire Republican Party, and other unstable nutjobs posing as patriots, a disturbing new Harris poll shows just how deep this deranged Republican rabbit hole goes.

And judging by the recent spate of violence and vandalism targeting Democratic lawmakers in the wake of Americans actually getting health insurance that doesn't try to either off them or profit off them, a return to even partial sanity doesn't seem likely any time soon.

Let's take a look at some of the polls more 'enlightened' findings shall we?

• 67% of Republicans (40% of Americans overall) believe that Obama is a Socialist
• 57% of Republicans (32% overall) believe that Obama is a Muslim
• 45% of Republicans (25% overall) agree with the Birthers in their belief that Obama was "not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president"
• 38% of Republicans (20% overall) say that Obama is "doing many of the things that Hitler did"
• Scariest of all, 24% of Republicans (14% overall) say that Obama "may be the Antichrist."

Yes, America look around you. Chances are if you have six Republican friends (God help you), four of them likely believe Barack Obama, not Karl Marx, penned The Communist Manifesto, at least three of them think Obama is an illegal, Kenyan-born secret Muslim terrorist who hijacked the presidency, two or more believe that our 44th president and the worst mass murderer in the history of mankind, Adolf Hitler, are kindred spirits, and at least one is certain that Barry is the Devil incarnate.

With scholarly geniuses like these running around, and legally able to cast a vote, is it really any surprise that weasely human disgraces like Eric Cantor are still in power?

You remember Eric, don't you? The caring GOP Representative from good, ol' Virginia who is very upset about the Democrats being very upset about crazed gangs of Teabaggers attacking the homes and offices of Democratic lawmakers, strewing coffins on their lawns, rupturing gas lines at their homes, sending various pictures of nooses, expletive-filled death threats and wishes of terminal illness to their offices, and all the other totally normal behavior you'd expect from grown adults who don't want everyone, especially dumb poor people, to have health care and must naturally resort to violence as a result.

Which is why, unlike the crybaby Democrats who loooooooove using the vicious threats against them as "media vehicles for political gain," sending press releases and holding press conferences to address said attacks simply to score some "political points," not because they fear for their lives by a bunch of gun-totin' former Klansmen, Eric Cantor would never use a press conference as a cheap political stunt. Never!

He would only use something as sacred as a press conference to pretend something terrible happened to him too, like say, a bullet through his office window, to show how a real red-blooded American freedom fighter acts when trying to curry public favor for political gain.

Time to buck up, Democrats! Stop complaining about your lives being threatened and your property being destroyed, ya big babies!

Be a man like Eric Cantor and hold honorable press conferences blaming the lame victims for "inciting" the violent attacks against them, not the courageous, patriotic perpetrators of the bloodshed and violence.

You didn't hear Eric the Brave complain when Barack HITLER Obama facilitated the cold-blooded, methodical slaughter of 6 million of his fellow Jewish brethren, now did you?

No, you didn't. That's because real men don't cry. They cry wolf.

Since When Is The Extermination Of Jews Not An Effective Argument Against Health Care?

After countless Obama equals Hitler signs, various Nazi references, and numerous, hilarious jokes about NObama's coming health care reform Holocaust, Jewish groups and the rest of the population with functioning brains have finally sounded the alarms about the disturbing proliferation of swastikas and anti-Semitic banners, signs, and slogans every time the teabaggers rally together to praise freedom and shout obscenities at that Kenyan man.

And to think, all it took to get the Jews riled up was a poster showing piles of Jewish corpses with the caption National Socialist Health Care: Dachau, Germany--1945.

All class, those teabaggers!

After Thursday's Bachmann-led "Super Bowl of Freedom," David A. Harris, President of the National Jewish Democratic Council issued this statement:

"Today's G.O.P. "Tea Party" on Capitol Hill opposing health insurance reform invoked disgusting Holocaust imagery and outright anti-Semitism. Top Republican Party leaders including House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH), House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA), and House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence (R-IN) stood before a crowd that included a banner protesting health care reform and displaying corpses from the Holocaust. Yet another sign charged that Obama takes his orders from the Rothchilds. Such vile invocations of Nazi and Holocaust rhetoric have been condemned in recent weeks by rabbinic movements, the Interfaith Alliance, and the American Gathering of Jewish Holocaust Survivors and their Descendants."

Not surprisingly, Republican leaders have been somewhat less vocal on the matter, finding no problem whatsoever with teabaggers throwing Nazi comparisons all over the place or showing dead Jews at Dachau to warn Americans of the fate they'll suffer under ObamaCare.

It only took Rep. Eric Cantor's (R-VA), the only Jewish Republican in Congress, over three months to finally utter a peep about GOP hero Rush Limbaugh's innocent claim that "Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, also ruled by dictate."

But at least this GOP leader grew the balls to stand up and say large, graphic photographs of slaughtered Jews may be "inappropriate" and that since you asked, no, he doesn't "condone the mention of Hitler in any discussion about politics because obviously that is something that conjures up images that frankly are not, I think, very helpful."

But do you know what is helpful? A half assed response some 12 weeks after the incident occurred when no one even remembers what the hell he's referring to anyway. But whatever. A real mensch, that minority whip!

Then there's former Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) who thinks it makes perfect sense for tea partiers to show posters of Nazi concentration camp victims as a way to link health care reform to Nazism.

"You bet" it's appropriate, Tancredo said, arguing that because protesters during the Bush administration used photos of a decapitated president, everything is fair game.

"It's all ugly," he said. But he does agree with unnaturally orange-hued House Minority Leader John Boehner that health care is the biggest threat the country has ever seen.

"It is in fact socialism," Tancredo said. "It is a true, very scary threat."

He couldn't, however, answer when MSNBC anchor David Shuster asked if Medicare and the Veterans Administration, both single payer programs, pose a similar threat.

In fact, Tancredo was so offended by Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas for even mentioning that Tancredo avoided military service during the Vietnam War and deferred being drafted after college because he was being treated for depression, that he stormed out of the interview.

"I'm a veteran," Moulitsas said after Tancredo claimed veterans would prefer vouchers over VA care. "I did not get a deferment because I was too depressed to fight in the war I supported in Vietnam."

"That's a cheap rotten stupid thing to say," Tancredo said, adding that it sounded just like something a certain Third Reich leader with a cute mustache would say.

If he wasn't too busy reforming health care, that is.

Baruch Obama Saves The Jews!

Remember that whole to do about how Obama is really a secret Muslim terrorist who would love nothing more than to gleefully watch Israel sink into the Mediterranean, along with the rest of the pesky Jews? Well, much like Sarah Palin's knowledge of anything other than how to field dress wild game and wayward ex-boyfriends, this too was proven false.

Turns out the State Department's been running a super-secret operation to get Jews the f**k out of Yemen and into a land where they won't coincidentally be the target of every increasingly violent incident rocking the country. So, basically that leaves the United States and Israel.

Of the 350 Jews living in Yemen before the operation began (apparently they have them), about 60 have already been resettled, and about 100 more are on their way. Those remaining will most likely stay in Yemen in a "government enclave" to protect them from rising anti-Semiticism in the form of crazed al-Qaeda terrorists running around, solidifying their stronghold on the country.

But the secret evacuation of anyone, let alone an entire community of (less than beloved) Jews living for centuries in near total isolation in the Arabian Peninsula, is no easy task. There's the usual growing pains like trying to board a flight with live chickens, understanding that running water and electricity are not omens from God but inventions from man, and other minor adjustments living links with the ancient world make when joining the rest of 21st century society.

To complicate matters, the U.S. State Department risked opening themselves up to criticism for helping a bunch of Jews no one knew existed escape a country no one's really heard of, at a time when refugees around the world are clamoring for a haven of their own.

I mean it's not like the U.S. likes Jews more than any other persecuted group seeking salvation it's just that they serve dual humanitarian and geopolitical purposes. Not only would America get to rescue a group threatened because of its religion (Brownie points!!), but also hopefully prevent an international embarrassment for its embattled Arab ally.

Despite his efforts, Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh was having a difficult time protecting himself, let alone a bunch of weird stone-age Jews with curly hair. The alternative--risking broader attacks on the Jews--could well have undermined the Obama administration's efforts to rally support for President Saleh at home and abroad, and prevent Yemen from becoming the the next 'stan we feel compelled to invade.

The Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society's network has been helping arrange housing and disburse food stamps, cash and other refugee benefits to the Yemeni arrivals. However, many of the adults aren't yet capable of budgeting, following a schedule or sitting still in a structured classroom to learn English.

Well, well looks like someone's fitting into America just perfectly!

New Poll Finds 58 Percent Of Republicans Are Actually Insane Birthers

It is no secret that the Republican Party is in the midst of a severe identity crisis. They just can't decide who they are or what they want to be! Are they a proud group of fiscal conservatives with a healthy aversion to big, bad government? Or are they the party of kooks and wingnuts who hate the coloreds so much they'll do anything to prove Barack Hussein Obama isn't a real citizen of White, Christian America, even if it means listening to a blue-eye shadow loving Jewish dentist-lawyer-real estate agent...from Russia (gasp!)?

Turns out they're the latter. Surprise!

A whopping 58 percent of self-identified Republicans (yes, they still make those) either think President B. Hussein Obama wasn't born in the United States (28 percent) or aren't quite sure (30 percent) where the hell this secret Muslim elitist came from (Hint: Kenya). You can never trust those certificates of live birth nowadays!

True, 42 percent of loyal GOPers do concede Obama is a natural born citizen of the U.S. of A, but no one cares what these pseudo-Republicans think anyway since they obviously don't care about America being hijacked by a Muslim socialist.

Perhaps the biggest surprise from this fun little poll of craziness is the farther South you go and older you get, the more you start believing the crazy, (not) lightly-veiled racist rantings of pill-popping talk radio god Rush Limbaugh and insane Fox News host Glenn "Madman" Beck.

Luckily, 77 percent of Americans in general think the president is actually a U.S. citizen and not a migrant Kenyan. Which means not everyone in the country is a Republican or a 75-year old former Klansmen with two-teeth, a loaded shotgun, hair-trigger temper, and a zero-tolerance policy for any Negro, Jew or Homo who wanders onto his front lawn.

And The Winner Is...A Name We Can't Pronounce Anyway

Iranians streamed into polling stations on Friday to decide whether they want their country run by the same ranting hard-line conservative with a penchant for Banana Republic jackets they've had to listen to for the last few years or a reformist who might not dress as smartly but has a definite upside in that he doesn't hate freedom, Jews or the United States.

Unfortunately, Iran 2009 is quickly turning into Florida 2000 (minus the hanging chads and old people), with both incumbent Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and challenger Mir Hossein Mousavi claiming victory. Uh-Oh.

Hours after the polls closed the candidates appeared to be locked in a dead-heat, until in a surprising turnabout, Iran’s state-run news agency suddenly declared Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had won by a landslide.

Which wouldn't be a problem if reformist challenger Mousavi hadn't already also made his own victory announcement, declaring, “I am the absolute winner of the election by a very large margin,” before adding that, “It is our duty to defend people’s votes. There is no turning back.”

You see, Mousavi is very worried that that dapper lunatic Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will once again rig the election in his favor, in a shout-out to his old adversary George W. Bush.

It wouldn't be the first time Ahmadinejad borrowed something from one of his evil American enemies. Like arch-nemesis and current devil-in-chief Barack Hussein Obama, whose wildly successful "Yes, We Can" campaign slogan was such a hit in the states, Ahmadinejad figured why not press his luck and give the ol' slogan a nice Iranian once-over and have a go himself.

Not that it makes any difference anyway, since all important policies are decided by unelected Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. And everyone knows he really gets his orders from a charming secret Muslim named Barry.

So maybe the Jews don't control everything!

If Only We Could Blame It On Gangsta Rap And Death Metal...

For anyone worried that Barack Obama is turning this country into one big hippie commune without a healthy American dose of guns and nutjobs, fear not.

There's still plenty of right-wing loons around to storm into various public buildings and open fire on the unsuspecting public. Like 88 year-old white supremacist James Von Brunn who shot and killed a guard for fun at the Holocaust Museum or mentally ill, unemployed anti-abortion activist Scott Roeder who murders abortion doctors while they pray away their sins at a Sunday morning church service.

The same salt-of-the-earth anti-abortion radicals and anti-Semitic extremists the recent Department of Homeland Security report warned us about, before being logically dismissed as just another smear attack on conservatives by arugula-eating liberals who know nothing about keeping this nation safe.

Sure, the DHS memo warned that the election of a black president coupled with a crumbling economy could lead to a surge in violence by the same upstanding citizens afraid that President Obama would take away their semi-automatic weapons and herd people into concentration camps because that's what Jewish-controlled governments do.

Since high-profile attacks from far-right lunatics never has and never will be a problem in this country, clearly, the DHS memo was nothing more than a hit job on conservatives and veterans. They should be ashamed of themselves, thinking innocent extremists with military training, no job or money, and plenty of hate could be capable of hurting anyone.

Whatever happened to the good old days of Columbine, when all unspeakable acts of violence could be pinned squarely on that Marilyn Manson character for making all the kids shoot each other with his rock songs?

Why This Night Is Different From All Other Nights

Barack Obama will make history on Thursday night not only as the first U.S. President to ever host and attend a Passover Seder at the White House, but as the first secret Muslim terrorist to celebrate the Jews' escape from pyramid-building enslavement in Egypt.

While presidential proclamations in honor of Passover have been common throughout past administrations, this year's Seder is believed to be the first of its kind.

Sure, passover meals were held in the Clinton and Bush White Houses for staff and aides, but neither president actually participated. Bill was busy having a "private" lesson on Judaism with his personal tutor Monica Lewinsky in the Lincoln Bedroom and well, Dubya doesn't care much for Jew crackers with weird "M" names he can't pronounce.

The White House was mum on details of the Seder, except to say that it will be "a small, private event very similar to - and mark the anniversary of - the Seder Obama held last year while he was still battling Hillary Clinton in the Pennsylvania primaries."

The guest list includes the president, First Lady Michelle and their daughters, Sasha and Malia, as well as a dozen staff members and friends, most of whom joined Obama's impromptu Seder last year when the first night of Passover fell during a campaign stop in Harrisburg, PA.

After all, that celebration did turn out to be prophetic. In addition to the traditional closing line, "next year in Jerusalem," last year's participants jokingly added the line "next year in the White House!"

This time it will probably be "next year in economic prosperity" if I know Barack Baruch.

Ann Coulter Under Investigation For Being Too Perfect

Smile If You're Insane!

Giraffe-necked darling of the right Ann Coulter is reportedly under investigation for being her usual ray of sunshine self, this time for her not-at-all sketchy attempt to register to vote in Connecticut while already being registered to vote in New York.

Which should come as a real surprise from the original long-legged poster babe of attractive pundits who mask their insanity by having blonde hair and wearing skin-tight f**k me dresses. No offense to Sarah Palin, of course, who has also found great success using this model, albeit the less educated, brown-haired, endangered-wolf hunting version.

This isn't the first time Miss Coulter has come under scrutiny for violating election laws (she was investigated in 2006 for allegedly filing a false registration in Florida), but just like last time, we're sure our dear Ann did nothing wrong and is simply an innocent victim of yet another unsubstantiated witch hunt by the godless left.

My guess is those damn "self-obsessed 9/11 widows" had something to do with it. Or maybe the pesky Jews. Ann always said they were up to no good. And when is she ever wrong?

Slutty Or Psycho?

Madoff Does His Best To Perpetuate Resentment Against Successful Jews

Bernie Madoff: Giving Jews Everywhere A Bad Name

Professional swindler Bernard Madoff, who is accused of masterminding a $50 billion investment fraud scheme, was placed under court-ordered round-the-clock house arrest in his lavish $7 million New York City apartment after prosecutors decided ruining hundreds of people's lives deserved more than a slight slap on his velvet ensconced wrist.

Take that Bernie. Your wild nights roaming the streets of NYC, looking for innocent people to bilk out of their life's savings are officially over.

The new, tightened bail conditions against Madoff does away with the 7 p.m. curfew and instead bars the 70-year-old fraudster from leaving his posh Upper East Side apartment except for court appearances, and the other annoying things you need to do when you send billions of other people's dollars to money heaven.

The charges against Madoff, who happens to be Jewish, has of course sparked the obligatory backlash against Jews, who obviously are all to blame for anything involving reckless money schemes.

According to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), the new outpouring of anti-Semitism on the Internet ranges from "deeply offensive stereotypical statements about Jews and money -- with some suggesting that only Jews could perpetrate a fraud on such a scale -- to conspiracy theories about Jews stealing money to benefit Israel."

Duh. Everyone knows that when it comes to defrauding investors of billions, Jews never act alone. The entire Jewish community conspires together to steal innocent people's money and ruin the country.

Just like when the stingrays conspired to kill Crocodile hunter Steve Irwin in an elaborate plot to rid the world of nature-loving men with blond locks and a penchant for the word, "Crikey!"

At least the murderous stingrays got what they deserved. The Jews, on the other hand, get off, scott-free.

But, don't worry. I think it was mostly "Jewish" money.

A "Jewish Problem?" Please, Not For Mr. Baruch Obama!

Baruch Being A Good Jew At The Wailing Wall In Jerusalem

He Loves America And Israel, Too!

Looks like we'll need to find another group to blame now that the Jews are off the hook.

Barack Hussein Obama's so-called "Jewish problem"--you know, the one the media predicted would cost him the elderly Jewish Mecca of Florida and as a result, the election itself, never quite panned out.

Then why all the fuss?

Well for starters, as a general rule, Jews don't necessarily flock to vote for secret Muslim terrorists with the middle name Hussein.

They also just adore those Clintons and consider them to be honorary tribesman, so many were understandably miffed when that dark unknown guy with the weird name beat their beloved Hillary to win the nomination.

It took a little time but eventually even the older, more set-in-their-ways Jews warmed up to the man, as everyone, save for those with the worst cataracts, began to see what a mench Obama was.

John McCain, his new running mate Sarah Palin, and a crumbling economy basically took care of the rest.

If there is one thing Jews do not want to see, it is the "more experienced" presidential candidate handling money-related matters like a panicky school girl, albeit a white-haired one, wrinkly one.

Next on the list would probably be some right wing Alaskan nut job, who thought Jews had horns until the day before she accepted the VP nomination, wailing and shrieking about her deep love for Israel.

So, I guess it is safe to say that Barack Obama's whole Jewish problem turned out to be nothing at all.

With one big exception of course:

"Who Me, Harmless Ol' Joe Lieberman?"