Game Over For Illinois' Favorite Lego-Haired Crime Boss

In what was no doubt a stunning conclusion to the two-month trainwreck known as Rod Blagojevich's political career, the Illinois Senate unanimously voted 59-0 to immediately turn the esteemed Gov. into just another Mr. with a bad mouth and even worse hair style.

The conviction gives Mr. Blagojevich the wonderful distinction of being the first U.S. governor in more than 20 years to be removed by impeachment. Not to mention, the only IL governor to be ousted from a state that has seen four of its governors indicted on corruption charges since 1968. Quite a feat, my friend!

But don't think this is the end for Illinois' fearless crusader of justice. You don't get stripped of a bleeping golden thing like the governor's office and just quietly walk away with your dignity in tact to go prepare for the upcoming criminal trial you will also likely lose.

No, no, no. You continue to embarrass yourself, family, and every citizen of humanity on your farewell sojourn to join the rest of America in the unemployment line.

There, you will have plenty of time to plot your next fool-proof strategy to win over the hearts of Illinois citizens (and potential jurors) and show what an honest, decent, straight-shooting guy you really are.

If you play your cards right, you just might be able to get Drew Peterson on the stand as a character witness. Can you say trump card?

Blago Freak-Show Express To Derail At Senate Trial After All!

In case you haven't gotten enough of insane governor Rod Blagojevich's awkward road tour across America, fear not, because the freak-show express has come back home.

Yes, Illinois' own hero governor returns to bravely face lawmakers on the last of his three-day impeachment trial to deliver his closing remarks in a stunning senate showdown.

A surprising departure from the governor's previous winning strategy of boycotting the hearings to get noogied by Joy Behar on The View and act like a potty-mouthed buffoon for 48 consecutive hours on primetime TV.

But, of course, the move comes with certain Blago conditions. The conditions only an innocent person with nothing to hide would demand.

Like asking for 90-minutes to explain why it is all a big misunderstanding and he never tried to do any of the things he explicitly outlined in the hours and hours of wire-tapped evidence played while he was humbly pleading his case to the people's court.

Aside from his closing statement, Mr. Rod Blagojevich will not of course dignify this three-ring circus you call an "impeachment trial" by answering any questions from lawmakers or anyone else. Capeesh?

Good. Then stop bustin' my balls and let's get this f**king thing movin' already. I got little time and lots of famous people to quote. Maestro, please!

Knock, Knock. Who's There? Possible Charges For Patti, Too?!

Screw The Senate, Blago's Takin' His Case To The People!

Insane cartoon character Rod Blagojevich is hitting the media circuit in a desperate, last ditch effort to convince America he is not the foul-mouthed, puffy-haired demon governor he's been portrayed as.

In a move that forced even his defense lawyer Edward Genson to quit because it's impossible to work with an unhinged moron, Gov. Blagojevich decided that instead of attending the Illinois Senate impeachment trial against him on Monday, it would be a much better idea to run around spouting his mouth on any network willing to have him (and that shrieking wife of his).

So while Blagojevich charms the nation with appearances on "Good Morning America," "The View," and "Larry King Live," the Illinois Senate will hold a vote to convict him on impeachment charges and boot him from office.

But not because he is a classless scumbag facing federal charges for trying to shakedown everything from Barack Obama's senate seat to newspaper editorial boards to a friggin' children's hospital.

Not even close. It is all part of the vast conspiracy against Gov. Blagojevich for wanting to make taxes too low, doing too much to help the poor and sick, and just overall loving the citizens of Illinois too much.

But if there's one thing this tireless defender of freedom is sorry for it's using such foul language. He would never use the "f" word if he knew it was being recorded. To think there could be children listening!

Better Days: Blago Busy Signing Important "Documents"

Blago Doin' The Morning Rounds