Bush To Obama: Good Night, And Good Luck!

Money. Chances are you don't have any.

Maybe you did at one time, but thanks to a combination of corporate greed and government incompetence, you're lucky if you can scrape together loose change in between your couch cushions.

Luckily, this time around we decided to elect a leader with brains. The problem is he doesn't formally become president until January, so until then, we still have to pretend to care what that goofball president we've been blessed with for the last eight years says.

So while lame duck president George W. Bush dazzled the crowd with the new Lego town he's been working on, boring intellectual elitist and thank-god soon-to-be-president Barack Obama unveiled his economic team and urged Congress to pass a costly, job-creating stimulus bill as quickly as possible.

(Hint: As quickly as possible means anytime in the next 57 days before he is officially inaugurated.)

While God, I mean Obama, emphasized the importance of acting swiftly and boldly to tackle the economic crisis, he did have some sharp words for the wizards in charge of Detroit's "Big Three" automakers, who are requesting a $25 billion dollar government bailout to help save the industry they single-handedly ran into the ground.

While Obama admitted that "we can't allow the auto industry to vanish," he said giving a "blank check for an industry resistant to change was not the solution to its long-term decline."

Translation: Next time you fly to Washington to convince Congress to bail your ass out after greedily bankrupting an entire industry, it would be probably be to your advantage to forgo the luxury private jet and instead slum around with the other pathetic povs flying coach.

Or if you can't hold your noses for that long, perhaps it dawned on you three geniuses that the old automobile (I am assuming you do know what a car is) can be used as a cheaper alternative for moving from point A to point B.

Oh wait, I forgot who we are dealing with here. Everyone knows GM, Ford, and Chrysler don't make cars reliable enough to get from Detroit to DC.

But you guys already knew that, didn't you?

The "Big Three" A**holes Crying Poor To Congress