Still-President George W. Bush Stays Busy As Ever

"Hmm, Wonder If Laura's Gonna Like My Awesome New Poncho!"

You may think still-president George W. Bush has nothing better to do than spend his days lounging around the White House, poking at the staff, getting in Laura's way, and annoying everyone with his "awesome" new magic tricks.

Well, rest assured George is making the most of his final few months of absolute-if not-occasionally-lonely power.

In between his busy schedule of donning a Peruvian poncho and dancing around like a douche, President Bush still found time to ensure that law and justice rule the land by pardoning 14 convicted criminals on offenses ranging from cocaine and marijuana charges to wildlife violations, bank embezzlement and government property theft.

Sure, George might not have a problem with unlawful detention, "enhanced" interrogation techniques like water-boarding, blindfolding and binding detainees, or even torturing the occasional Muslim terrorist.

But, kill three bald eagles in southeast Missouri or get mixed up in some crazy food-stamp or illegal hazardous waste scheme?

No worries, Dubya's got your back!

"Wait, I Think I Got It Now"

"Oh, I'm Gonna Miss You Two!"