From Rags To Riches: The Inspiring True Story Of Joe "You Lie" Wilson

Hey kids, remember those endless hours hitting the books and boring late-night cramming sessions? Well those days are over! Now, you can get filthy rich by doing nothing more than acting like a hotheaded douchebag in front of millions of people on prime-time television. It's true!

Just ask South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson, who's taking his star-making performance flouting hundreds of years of congressional decorum by shrieking "You lie" at the President of the world all the way to the bank.

Since his tremendous feat of making himself and his Grand Old Party look like a bunch of mindless heathens, rising star Joe Wilson has catapulted from nameless obscurity to shameful notoriety, raising a whopping $2.7 million from other right-wing anger balls who think momentary fits of Tourette's syndrome directed at the President during a publicly televised joint session of Congress is an effective way of voicing opposition.

So kudos to you Joe! For keeping alive the hopes and dreams of a crushed party with no agenda or vision for the nation, save for the swift defeat of its first black socialist president with rage, ignorance and two simple, powerful words: "You lie."

To show how much he appreciates the support of hardworking teabaggers who made his meteoric rise possible, Wilson's campaign released a statement calling the haul "a humbling honor."

At town hall meetings in the 2nd District of South Carolina and across America, people are not merely asking questions, they are demanding answers. They believe, as I do, that progress in America begins where the status quo ends — Washington's way is not always the RIGHT way.

The RIGHT way to get your point across is dressing up as Jesus Christ, waving a Confederate flag, carrying a loaded AK-47, and screaming in the face of frail, old legislators about the true birthplace of a certain illegal Kenyan president who also happens to be Hitler, Stalin, and Heath Ledger's signature dark 2008 portrayal of Batman's lipstick-smeared, white-faced nemesis.

Americans understand that these are times of great consequence. The change we were promised is not the change that has been delivered. We have a choice: we can sit back and watch, or we can stand up and act. One by one, Americans have chosen to stand up, I intend to stand proudly with them and the constituents of the 2nd District of South Carolina.

And together act like the proud bunch of bumbling idiots we are with no power to speak of, except of course for the power to speak. Loudly. About utter nonsense. At the most highly inappropriate moments possible.