Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sarah Palin's So Gifted, She Can Even Say Funny Things Other People Wrote
In a nod to either Fidel Castro (minus the commie red star) or Brittney Spears circa 2005, professional celebrity and book tour legend Sarah Palin took her one-woman act to Washington, DC to appear as the GOP's representative joke-teller at the annual winter Gridiron Dinner. Oh, you betcha!
There the world's most famous losing candidate took a break from the usual incoherent bashing of the elitist media and what's-his-name in the White House to try her hand as the Beltway's newest stand-up comic.
And with dozens of zingers packed into all 11 ½ minutes of her speech, Sarah certainly didn't disappoint.
"Sometimes you just gotta trust your instincts," she said, "and when you don’t, you end up in places like this." But it had some value: "At least now I can put a face to the newspapers I do read." Ha ha, not so perky now, are you Couric?
Palin, whose intelligence has been widely challenged by many in the audience (and in the rest of the country), said she was pleased to appear before such an elite audience of intellectual heavyweights: "Or as I like to call it, a death panel."
But, look on the bright side, if the 2008 presidential election had turned out differently, "I could be the one overseeing the signing of bailout checks and Vice President Biden could be on the road selling his book, 'Going Rogaine.'"
HAHAHAHAHA then he'd be the one making $7 million dollar signing bonuses on a book he pretended to write and she'd be the one solvin' all the world's problems. Ya know by lettin' the people keep their hard-earned money 'stead of havin' to give it all to the big bad government.
While the Gridiron Dinner is typically off-the-record--as with most "Palin" events--the media couldn't stay away from their favorite dysfunctional love-hate relationship and an exception was made to allow coverage of their favorite Alaskan superstar.
"The view is so much better from inside the bus than under it," Palin joked in a swipe at rumored tensions between the running mates on the campaign trail. Aww snap! Who's laughing now, Gramps?
Then Sarah joked about the snow outside—"I'm lovin' the weather—feelin’ right at home" and talked about going out for a jog, "or as Newsweek calls it, a cover shoot."
Palin also revealed some juicy secrets about how she actually considered a different title for her amazing best-selling book: "How to Look Like a Million Bucks for Only $150,000," but that hot snowmobiling hubby Todd thought "The Audacity of the North Slope" sounded better. Not that he knows what it means or anything.
Sarah did find time to chide the evil Washington elite for wanting "Going Rogue" to have an index like a normal book, saying, "if it did, it would start with A for Alaska, and how the media didn’t understand, pages 1-432. B would be for biased media, pages 1-432." LOL! Dumb liberal media who hate Sarah so much that they constantly feel the need to swarm around wherever her maverick life of adventures takes her.
Which reminds her of a funny thing that happened just the other day.
She was looking at a magazine cover of President Obama and Chinese president Hu Jintao during a recent commercial flight when a nearby passenger said, "Hu's the Communist." Pause. "I thought he was asking a question."
Hahahah just kidding, Sarah wouldn't be caught dead flying commercial.
But either way, Sarah once again shined as the shimmering showstopper she is, despite some stiff competition from the Democrats' own sharp-tongued maverick, House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank in all liberal non-dining room table talking self.
Poking fun at politicians' obsession with that adorable new social media site with a cartoon powder blue bird, Twitter, Glitter or whatever you call it.
"Maybe I lack intellectual curiosity," Frank said, "but I'm not that interested in what Claire McCaskill has for lunch."
Maybe that's because you're gay.