As President Obama deals with the war in Afghanistan, providing millions of Americans with adequate health care, a sluggish economy and widespread unemployment, conservatives are grappling with some weighty issues of their own: "to 'teabag' or not to 'teabag.'"
Yes, proud, patriotic teabaggers all across the land are now faced with the pressing conundrum of whether to embrace a term previously associated with the incredibly sexy act of dipping testicles into the open, gaping mouth of another or slapping them atop the head, cheek or anywhere else balls can be swung.
But fear not because National Review senior editor Jay Nordlinger is here to guide these loyal, intelligent patriots through the murky haze of whether they want their movement to be defined by one of the more ridiculous sexual practices and if not, what they intend to do about it.
Perhaps they should embrace the term "teabagger" as a kind of badge of honor, and "own the insult" by taking what is intended as a slur and wearing it proudly?
"What about a special case — the worst word in American English, as some of us see it, namely the N-word? When I was growing up, in Ann Arbor, Mich., there was a little debate: Should school officials try to prevent black students from using the N-word? I don’t believe the issue was ever settled. And this brings up the question of whether “teabagger” could be kind of a conservative N-word: to be used in the family, but radioactive outside the family."
Regrettably, Nordlinger decides his brilliant suggestion to turn teabagger into the new N-word may not be such a good idea after all for a group of ignorant white people who don't hate black people but just don't feel comfortable having their country run by one, especially a secret Muslim terrorist one from Kenya, thank you very much.
Which is a shame really, because embracing teabagger as their version of n****r clearly is the most reasonable and intelligent way to lend credibility to a movement so savvy, they decided bobbing testicles would be the perfect description for a cause as noble as theirs.
"It may well be too late to purge "teabagger" from our discourse, certainly from discourse controlled by liberals. But I'm for giving it a try: for running "teabagger" out of town, even at this late date. It is really a lowdown term. "Tea partier" is a neutral term. "Tea-party patriots" is a positive term, used by some of the protesters themselves. "Teabagger" -- not so positive, and not so neutral."So the next time you and all the rest of your patriotic friends want to dress up as Ben Franklin and wave Nazi signs simply because you love freedom that much, a good idea may be to try to use a name that doesn't conjure up images of drunken fratboys getting hazed or all the funny ways you can use male reproductive organs for laughs and good cheer.
Oh, and here's a helpful hint: other words to avoid include feminine hygiene products, i.e. douchebaggers, anything with the name Joe in it (six-pack, plumber or otherwise), anything that includes the word nut, job, or any combination thereof, phrases with hidden homosexual connotations (bear, cub, fist, otter, twink, trick, top, bottom etc), and other abbreviated phrases or acronyms that may give the wrong impression, such as KKK, MILF, STD, ASS or DILDO.