"Governor" Palin's Very Important Book Tour Demands Strict Media Guidelines

Famous Alaskan floozy Sarah Palan continued her Going Rogue tour across the Lower 48, thrilling the good folks in small towns and mid-major cities with her wit, charm, and adorable maverick ways.

Next stop on Sarah's whistlestop tour is none other than Minnesota's world famous Mall of America, where our favorite Alaskan snowflake will delight huge "crowds" of ten or so people by sayin' a few words and signin' a few books before tiring of having adoring fans worship her and buy her overpriced, trashy book about how John McCain lost the presidency for her.

Of course, her majesty's exciting arrival in the twin cities also brings with it certain conditions. Especially if you happen to be some hippie dippie tree-hugging member of the liberal mainstream media elite.

For one thing, if you don't speaky the English, kindly get the f out of her face and go back to Arabia or Africa or wherever it is you came from because Sarah's event is for Americans only. Also, no fancy, smart-alec questions, dumb questions or any questions, for that matter, from you journalist whores who are simply jealous of Miss Palin's success because she's so smart and good-looking and can do whatever she puts her little maverick mind to.

What you can do however, is watch Sarah in quiet adulation for ten minutes while she assaults your senses and destroys your faith in humanity. Only then may you proceed to purchase your very own copy of her bestselling, Pulitzer-worthy 432-page testament to herself, Going Rogue!

A list of some of Sarah's totally appropriate media guidelines, courtesy of TV station WCCO of Minneapolis:

For Palin’s appearance at the Mall of America next week we received a list of seven media guidelines, including one stating there can be no foreign press — only English-speaking press and another that said media must address Palin as “Governor.”

The other rules include no interviews — but if the media want one, a request must be submitted to her publicist — plus no microphones, only background sound and pictures and only the first 10 minutes of her appearance can be taped.

Wow. This woman sure is something, isn't she? First she runs around breaking all the rules like some crazed maverick gone wild. And now all of a sudden, she's making laundry lists of arbitrary, asinine demands like insisting everyone call her "Governor" six months AFTER she quit being the governor (in her first term) to get rich selling the trashy lies of a delusional mind to good folks in the real America.

Seriously, when will this woman just lead her freakshow, freedom-lovin' followers into the promised land or off the bridge to nowhere or anything to just go away and leave us sinners, heretics, homosexuals, socialists, and abortionists all to our eternal hellfire burning selves?