Thursday, December 17, 2009
Megan McCain Stumped By Clogged Drain; Where's That "Dumbass" Plumber Joe Now?
While the Senate dithers on about health care and Joe Lieberman does his best to make the entire Democratic caucus go into immediate cardiac arrest, the real action was unfolding in Meghan McCain's luxurious, handcrafted marble and porcelain tub. Or more precisely, deep in her fine, sterling silver drain.
Somehow, strands of Meggy's flowing blond locks must have gone maverick and come loose from their snug home atop her head, only to find themselves stuck--cold, tangled and alone--inside a watery grave--with little chance of rescue!
Meghan McCain may be THE VOICE of an entire generation of Republican trust fund babies, but that doesn't mean she has mastered the baffling science of pouring liquid gunk down the drain, waiting 10-15 minutes, running some water, and witnessing the miracle of Jesus disguised as a bottle of liquid plumber save her from suffering through a long, dreadful night with nary a bubble bath to comfort her.
Life can be soooooo unfair!
But being the quick-witted, sassy spawn of a booze heiress and former POW turned permanent U.S. Senator, Meghan McCain naturally took her bathroom battle to the Internets, where perhaps a strapping, young, plunger-wielding Republican knight in shining armor would hear her Tweets of despair and come just in time to save her from this hellish nightmare of her empty tub.
Certainly someone, somewhere in Twitterland will rescue this damsel in distress since everyone knows Republicans are world-famous for their plumbing skills.
Too bad her and Daddy's old pal Joe the Plumber aren't exactly tight anymore, ever since their little falling out over some innocent words Meggy might have said after the election about how "Joe the Plumber--you can quote me--is a dumbass. He should stick to plumbing."
And you my little Meggy should stick to blogging. That way, the only thing you risk clogging is the brain of the next hapless sack who stumbles upon one of your brilliant Daily Beast columns about the beauty of war and of course, the God-given blessing of having large, supple breasts.
And don't think for a second we all haven't noticed your mastery of the power button. You go girl!