The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Democrats Yay, Republicans Nay On Merry Christmas Eve Day!
In the wee hours of morning, the Senate, err rather, the socialist Democratic Senate passed on a 60-39 party line vote a sweeping health care bill that will tighten insurance regulations, provide coverage for 31 million more Americans and cost $871 billion over the next decade.
"This is for my friend Ted Kennedy, aye," said Sen. Robert Byrd, who much to the dismay of Sen. Tom Coburn and heartbroken teabaggers countrywide, was able to stave off joining his old pal just long enough to roll his ol' bones down to the chamber to cast his vote with the rest of the meanie Dems who want to help insure Americans out of some weird, inexplicable desire to help people.
Then just for laughs and also delirium from lack of sleep, Master Harry Reid mistakenly voted no before changing his vote to yes, which caused quite a hoot in the chamber, especially from Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell.
Until it vanished without a trace, leaving only the tattered remnants of a frumpy sad sack minority leader with a history of bad judgment and a penchant for screwing the American people.
After the awkward vote, Reid joked, "I spent a very restless night last night trying to figure out how I could show some bipartisanship and I think I was able to accomplish that for a few minutes."
Yeah, cause now we all believe you don't want to shoot yourself in the face over that little faux pas. Thanks, totally not awkward now.
In case anyone cares or knows who the hell he is other than a washed-up MLB pitcher turned washed-up Kentucky Senator, Jim Bunning was absent for the vote. Not like he was voting for that unchristian piece of sh*t anyhow.
So with Vice President Joe Biden presiding over the session (presumably to make sure he was the only one f**king things up...ahem, Harry) to prove for the fourth time in as many days, that the Democrats could muster the necessary majority and stop being the kind of blubbering pansies that Dick Cheney gets off on.
Channeling Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid opened the floor saying, "The work goes on. The cause endures… and yet here we are, minutes away from doing what others have tried but none have achieved."
Republican leader Mitch McConnell responded, "This fight isn't over. My colleagues and I will work to stop this bill from becoming law. That's the clear will of the American people — and we're going to continue to fight on their behalf."
Umm, yeah about that...You've all been working so hard, why don't you boys go and take yourself a break. You've earned it! Get some rest. Spend some time with Grandma and the kids. Shoot some quails. Roast some chestnuts. Sip some eggnog. Tend the fire. Sing some good holiday cheer and thank the Lord Jesus for making you a real freedom-loving American unlike the sorry SOBs and miserable wretches who keep electing you to office.
Hahahaha all those pathetic povs, just one honey glazed ham bone away from death and/or bankruptcy.
But either way, Merry Christmas and God Bless America!