Just when you thought the only thing Idaho was good for was shoving delicious golden potatoes and closeted gay sex monsters masquerading as Republican senators by the name of Larry Craig, down the throats of the American public, the lovely Spud State is at it again, this time in the form of fat anger bear and certifiable lunatic, Harley D. Brown, who hopes to take his hatred of all things Brown (minus himself and Idaho's #1 crop, of course!) all the way to the U.S. Congress, as Idaho's next awesomely insane Representative. Wooohooo!
But what exactly can Brown do for you? Oh, well that depends. Are you bald, white, angry, and tippin' the scales at 250 lbs plus? Do you hate the dirty border hoppin' illegals comin' to steal your jobs and have their way with your young supple wives and daughters? Are you sick and tired of all the college-educated elitists over in Washington who think (white) taxpayer money should go to helping the dumb poors and terrible minorities instead of just Real Americans like Wall Street bankers and Jim-Crow lovin' potato farmers in overalls? Are you ready to round up all the pot smokin' hippies, rainbow-wavin' queers, and assorted other Godless deviants of humanity and ship the whole lot of 'em to some remote island no one cares about, in the middle of nowhere, like Manhattan?
Well, if so, my friends, you're in for a real treat in Harley D. Brown, the demented love child of one wild, drunken night of passion (and regret!) between Mr. Clean and the Wicked Witch of the West.
But don't take my word for it. Why not go straight to the source, and hear from the big man himself where he stands on the most pressing issues of today?
- It is my passionate, intense and burning desire to attack and annihilate that monstrous national debt, the biggest threat by far to our dearly beloved children and grandchildren. We owe it to them to pass along a DEBT-FREE USA. I would be absolutely delighted to lead the charge against this enemy of us all. I believe that well over 90% of what the Feds do today is unconstitutional and should be eliminated by We the People. The sooner the better!
- Mighty War Department.
- Keep The Queens Out Of The Marines (And Out Of The Other Armed Forces Too!)
- Gun Control...Is Hitting Your Target!
- "If The Government Wants To Take My Guns, I'll Give Them The Bullets First!"
- The Government is supposed to be our servant, not our Master. Who ever heard of a servant demanding, under penalty of law, to receive annual reports of every penny of the Master's income?
- I, Harley D. Brown, declare the US Tax code should be scuttled and declared unconstitutional on the legal grounds of being Void for Vagueness. Please consider sending a loud mouth passionate demolition expert to Washington, DC. I will destroy mediocrity and politics as we know it. Congress needs someone crazy like me to combat their insanity.
Kinda like when you got a fever, and you know the only prescription is...more cowbell!?!?
- Why has Obama NOT produced a valid birth certificate providing he was born on American soil? Because he can't. If he faked it, he would be guilty of Federal felony Fraud. The first thing that I'd like to do when elected and on behalf of the 1/2 million American citizens of my district, I promise to scream like a F-4 Jet fighter at full war emergency after burner take off power and demand he produce his birth certificate. If that doesn't work, I’ll make louder noises and get a lot more aggressive. In fact this is “DO OR DIE!” They will have to kill me to get me to shut up.
- If it is proven Obama is not the legitimate president, then everything he has done while in office and all the people he has appointed and everything they have done will be nullified. This would really dump hot coals into the shorts of those communist liberal progressive politicians.
- It would be like Luke Skywalker dropping his bomb into the ventilation shaft of the Death Star in "Star Wars."
- Immigration Policy: "Content Comming Soon" (Yes, that's how Wingnuts spell "coming"). But for now, it's "Adiós Amigos!" (I wish I was joking, really I do).
So, what else qualifies Mr. Brown for elected office, other than his obvious mastery of the English language?
- I was also a Taxicab driver and evangelist in Boise, Idaho where I led approximately 1,000 lost souls to the Lord Jesus Christ: Drunks and Winos, Hookers and Strippers, Bums, and Homeless; Hippies and Rainbow people, Bikers, and Villains, Truckers and Construction workers, Businessmen and Proletarians, psychos and weirdos, homos and lesbians; even some people who looked normal and smelled nice.
- I considered myself the "intake manifold to the Kingdom of God."
- Now that I am retired I have an intense burning desire to destroy all the works of those Progressive Liberal Politicians in Washington D.C. whom I brand as vile domestic enemies to the country and Constitution we're SWORN TO DEFEND.
What other pearls of wisdom can Mr. Harley D. Brown impart to us ignorant members of the public, being led blindfolded to the 7th layer of hell by our evil socialist masters?
- Just one of our submarines packs enough Fire Power to level a continent. The Terrorists should be terrified of the USA, not the other way around! This is because many US politicians are spineless jellyfish. (Someone's been watching the Nature Channel, huh?)
- 9/11 should have been more than enough provocation for us to use our "HEAVY EQUIPMENT." (Like your massive brainpower?)
- NEVER send a Marine where you can send a bullet and ALWAYS send the BIGGEST bullet you've got.