The Thinking Majority Give Tax Day Thanks, While The Other 5% Brew Tea & Carry Misspelled Signs

Except when in the process of getting teabagged, we presume??

But beyond that, turns out these loyal 'baggers would also rather pay exorbitant Bush-era taxes and give the evil government more money, than get to keep their hard-earned money and have a black man to thank for their flusher-than-usual wallets.

Of course, to the other 95% of Americans who didn't go into immediate cardiac arrest and/or cognitive shutdown as soon as a black man moved into the White House, this makes little sense.

Included in this still-thinking majority is, of course, the secret Muslim terrorist arugula-eating Kenyan Nazi himself, President Barack Hussein Obama, who seemed perplexed by the teabaggers' fury, considering the tax cut he implemented last year slashed taxes for all but the richest Americans. Think Cindy McCain. Or that hilarious cowboy with his loyal base of 'haves' and 'have mores,' who don't care whether he can say nuc-u-lar so long as they can keep gettin' rich tryin' to find 'em in the Iraqi desert.

So, while "average" Americans donned britches, false wooden teeth, and 18th century wigs to go with their pitchforks, swastikas and Hitler mustaches in protest of this oddly colored man and his terrifying vision of a fair, sensible tax policy, the half-black reincarnation of Karl Marx took to the podium to speak to the rest of the masses not turning into human bags of Lipton over the mind-blowing reality that taxes are actually at their lowest levels in 60 years.

OBAMA: We cut taxes for 95 percent of working Americans just like I promised we would on the campaign. […] So I’ve been a little amused over the last couple days where people have been having these rallies about taxes. You would think they would be saying, “Thank you!” That’s what you’d think!

Oh hahahahahahahaha! Yeah, that's what you'd think, if you actually had fissured gray and white soft tissue between your ears, instead of the putrefied remains of whatever went into Sarah Palin's famous meat patty surprise mixed with the salty drops of Glenn Beck's bountiful tears.

But as we all know (or at least the other, thinking 95% of us), "The relation between what is said in the tax debate and what is true about tax policy is often quite tenuous."

Be that as it may, even Tax Policy Center co-director William Gale conceded, "The rise of the Tea Party at at time when taxes are literally at their lowest in decades is really hard to understand."

Hmmm....

What's so hard to understand about a bunch of racist, ignorant, Benjamin Franklin dressed "morans" who get their fair and balanced news from fellow meat-headed heathens at Fox, being used like Bristol Palin in the back of Levi's pickup after a drunken Saturday night in the snow-covered meth lab of Wasilla?

Sure, the rise of the anti-tax, semi-literate KKK Grand Wizards and wingnuts comprising the Tea Party at a time when taxes are at their lowest in over half a century may be somewhat difficult to comprehend (kinda like two terms of Bush??).

But the tea party actually thanking a black man?? HAHAHAHAHA, now, that's rich!

Not as rich as the 95 percent of grateful, hardworking Americans who realize they no longer need to own an oil refinery, have a majority stake in Halliburton, or have a four-letter last name synonymous with shrubs that rhymes with mush, to receive tax relief, but hey, close enough!