GOP Bands Together To Form Wall Of "No" To Preserve Their Favorite Wall Of "Ye$"

Oh No, Not Again!

New "bipartisan" financial legislation, supported by the vast majority of poor, hardworking losers like you and me, to help reign in Wall Street and put an end to not-at-all-selfish, bad-mortgage derivatives and other "fun" number games used by major banks to bet against their own investors, and screw over the rest of us Main Street schlubs, has been unanimously blocked by shrewd Republicans for the second straight day.

A very reasonable and politically tenable position, given the soaring popularity of massive, publicly bailed out banks, billionaire brokers, Wall Street fat cats, and big business these days, one that will likely lead to massive gains for the GOP in November's congressional elections.

Similar to the massive gains felt by most of the public, courtesy of Wall Street's very patriotic, likely illegal, get-rich-quick schemes to rake in billions in profits by duping the dumb American people out of their (now worthless) homes.

Hooray for Capitalism!

Of course, it makes perfect $ense for the Grand Old Party of rich, white men to block even simple debate on a publicly-popular bill to at least monitor said rich, white men because if that happens, how will they continue enabling some of Wall Street's most deviant practices (like robbing the poor and giving to the rich) in order to fatten their wallets and keep the campaign coffers stuffed to the brim with cold, hard corporate cash?

"The Senate voted 57-41 on a procedural measure allowing lawmakers to move toward debate on financial regulatory overhaul legislation, falling short of the 60 votes needed. All GOP senators present voted against invoking cloture, joined by at least one Democrat, Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE)."

Hmmm, Ben Nelson. Sounds so familiar, where have I heard that name before?

Ohhhhh right! That Ben Nelson, the same insufferable pro-life fetus whore who also voted no on beginning the whole health care reform debate because he likes to see poor people suffer (so long as their not in Nebraska), and now has to keep up his esteemed image as a greedy, selfish, grumpy pants, (corn)flake, who must now do whatever the Republicans tell him ever since his notorious about-face, joining his fellow Democrats to vote in favor of affordable, quality health care, automatic death-by-shovel sentences for Granny and baby Trig, and mandatory abortions for every fifth Republican senator, forever.

Oh, the beauty of Democracy!

But despite failing to open debate on Wall Street reform for the second consecutive day, the rascally Democrats vowed to remain on the offensive, charging that the GOP's latest obstruction of even simple debate on the legislation, puts them squarely on the side of Wall Street and against the will of the people.

What, what, what!? Republicans against the will of the people?? Surely, you jest with such blasphemy!

Not this Dirty Harry, who, while speaking on the Senate floor, said the vote "reveals who believes we need to strengthen oversight of Wall Street, and who does not [and] forces each Senator to publicly proclaim whether party unity is more important than economic security."

And the problem with that is?

"The Senate is a body where we proceed to legislation and then offer amendments and then debate takes place," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said. "But the Republicans have set a new standard, and that is they want to negotiate. Negotiate—that is the new banner. I wonder when the end of the negotiation takes place?"

Ummm, when the Democrats stop being little pussies, too afraid of their own scary majority status, and the GOP stops being greedy a**holes?

In other words, never.

"They're claiming that only a fully negotiated and agreed-upon bill can come up for debate. That is absurd, stunning, unheard of. They want all the details to be worked out beforehand behind closed doors, not in the view of the public," Reid said. "That's unprecedented in the more than 200 years we've been a Senate."

Oh, Harry, you're not that old!

What's so hard to understand here, anyway? The GOP simply doesn't care for bills that are made "behind closed doors," "open doors," or "any doors," for that matter, when it has to do with health care reform, financial reform, or any positive, Democrat-led reform that actually tries to help the American people not get screwed more times than Bristol Palin at the Wasilla high school prom.

In the end, this all means nothing really, because no matter what, Republicans will continue to find some terrible reason, excuse, or worst case scenario, just make up some lies, about how there's no way, come hell or high water, the dirty, no-good Soviet DEMONcrats will ever pass this elitist, COMMIE legislation to regulate Wall Street, and ruin America on their watch.

Their platinum and gold, diamond encrusted, special edition Rolex watch, that is. A gift of gratitude from their very generous, very powerful, very FAT friends of the feline variety.