Sunday, April 4, 2010
This Just In: Barack Obama's Entire Family Is Officially Black...Gasp!
OMG!! So, while we were off stuffing our fat faces full of marshmallow Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs in celebration of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ's miraculous resurrection from the sweet hereafter, President Barack Obama was secretly filling out his evil Socialist Census, and what does Mr. Community Organizer go and do?
Finally 'fesses up and checks the box for "Black, African American or Negro." GASP!!
Which means, wait for it...our president, THE 44th president of the United States is...actually a person of color!? And to think, we were always under the impression he just had nice, deep glowing tan, like Italian prime minster Silvio Berlusconi is so fond of saying.
Well this just changes everything!
I mean who knows what else our President is hiding (other than his real birth certificate, of course!). Who knows if he even won the election by getting all those popular and electoral votes, or if he stole the darn thing right from under John McCain's old, maverick nose?? (With help from the elitist, arugula-eating, Jew-run liberal media, no doubt!)
What about his supposed white mom from Kansas? Does the guy even have a mom, or do they not do the whole "mom" thing over in Kenya? Maybe it's more of a two-daddy type thing over there. Like San Francisco, or Des Moines, Iowa (now that's its gone to the gays) or God forbid, even, Provincetown.
What we do know for sure is that President Barack Obama a). hates all white people, everywhere and b). filled out the Census for himself, alleged first lady Michelle Obama, their two, so-called "daughters" Sasha and Malia, and Michelle's mother Marian Robinson, who lives with the family in the White House. Which, one can only assume, is a custom unique to secret Muslim terrorists pretending to be Barry from the block.
Of course, this isn't the first time Obama's multiracial heritage has been front page fodder, the butt of late night talk show hosts, or a sure sign of the End of Days for wingnuts and assorted other patriots of white robes and matching hoods.
Even sassy host of last year's nerd prom (aka the White House Correspondents' Association dinner), comedian (and lesbian!) Wanda Sykes couldn't resist getting in on the hilarious multicolored action.
"The first black president!" she joked.
"I'm proud to be able to say that. That's unless you screw up. And then it's going to be, 'What's up with the half-white guy?'"
Not anymore, my friend, not anymore!