Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Surely, Glenn Beck Likening Obama's Presidency To Evil Gorillas Enslaving Human Kind Has Nothing To Do With Race

When pudgy albino reminder of what happens when traumatic childhood meets troubled, emotionally unstable, born-again adulthood, Glenn Lee Beck, hits the airwaves, the result is usually an alternately comical and tragic mixture of hilarious nonsense tinged with saline tears, and culminating in the deranged rantings of a paranoid schizophrenic with a deep-seated hatred for black people. Errr, make that, the deranged rantings of a paranoid schizophrenic who will not just sit back and weep (faux tears) while America is overrun by a half-black president, who ironically enough, happens to have a deep-seated hatred for white people, particularly fat talking heads with limited education but unlimited sense of his own inflated ego and intellectual prowess.

This time the rollicking good cheer and utter hilarity manifested itself in the form of a not-at-all racist rant from Fox News' favoritest on-air Aryan and resident White Power scholar Glenn Beck comparing America under the Obama administration to "the damn Planet of the Apes."

What a fascinating thought! Lovely, actually! But what ever could darling Glenny B mean by such a bold, not-in-the-least-bit-loaded statement such as this? Surely nothing to do with race-baiting his viewers by comparing the U.S. under a black president to a science fiction movie about an earth controlled by monkeys, using the old, hackneyed stereotype comparing African Americans to our less evolved Simian counterparts. That would be too obvious, right?

So what was El Becko trying to say? From what we can decipher from his incoherent, nonsensical, rambling stream of consciousness monologue, likely something about how Democrats (and the shadowy black cabal) are going to enforce mandatory white-baby abortions, death sentences for dear ol' Granny, and march every last innocent (non-elitist) Caucasian to Ivy League Prisons throughout the East, where they will be forced-fed arugula and exposed to Keith Olbermann's talking points for 24 hours straight.

All we know, is that some point between fighting for jobs, middle-class tax cuts and reforms that will reign in special interests, Beck loses it, throws himself into conniptions, and is suddenly stricken by a severe fit of epilepsy, followed by a total loss of control over the gaping hole snuggly sandwiched between his nose and numerous chins.

"Special interest! What planet have I landed on? Did I slip through a worm hole in the middle of the night and this looks like America? It's like the damn Planet of the Apes. Nothing makes sense!"

Least of all the deranged madman having mental breakdowns and weeping Vick's VapoTears on the telly every night. 

"The guy who's helped destroy all these pensions, Andy Stern, he is now on the financial oversight committee. Is this who we want to take advice from?"

Wake up, people! I, for one, would much rather take advice from a born-again Mormon with no higher education to speak of except for his extensive first-hand knowledge of the destructive path of drug and alcohol abuse, as a way to deal with severe mental illness that has up to that point, gone undiagnosed.
"The unions who have collapsed all of the businesses, who have collapsed all of their pensions, they are bankrupting everything they touch and we go to them and we say, yes, tell me, what should we do? It's like any marital tips from Tiger Woods."

Hahahaha, everyone knows black men are insatiable sex-crazed fiends, whose only advice is to find the cheapest hooker with the tightest lips who isn't gonna go blabbing to the lamestream media about how you like to be tied up and whipped into submission while wearing a dog collar and leash.

"Hey, I got an idea. Let's appoint the guy who designed the Edsel and the Yugo to head up G.M.
This is how crazy it is. That actually might be an improvement. Let's get the inventor of Betamax to be our technology czar. Yes! Yes!"

No, no! Nothing less than Jesus Christ our Savior will do. We want Jeebus! We want Jeebus! Yay!

"Hey, the guy who created smokeless cigarettes, he's our new EPA chief."

And the dopey, weird ADHD kid with the sloppy joe remains on his shirt, who eats glue, picks his nose, and perfected the spitball will be our new most trusted source of news and information. Woohoo!

"We are turning to the epic failures of our time and hoping that they will fix it. How? I don't know if God is even powerful enough to help him fix it."

Aww, c'mon on now! God can do anything! After all, HE did save a desperate drunkard, with nothing to offer and no skills to speak of, and turn him into our beloved, golden-haired rodeo clown Messiah of the Times, now didn't HE?

Anyway, after his series of convulsions, Glenn then launches into one of his signature rants about the rampant crime afflicting four American cities, no doubt plucked from his infamous list of dirtbag cities: Oakland, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Newark. Oh and let's not forgot the that one bustling metropolis on everyone's mind: East St. Louis, of course!

Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of these four cities is their Democratic mayors and city councils. What does not dawn on Beck or any of his loyal freedom fightin' followers is certainly not the fact that they're all majority-black cities. Didn't even cross their enlightened, color-blind minds!

"They're doing a pretty good job, no? Progressivism is a cancer and if we keep going down this road, all of our cities will be crumbling because you'll be paying for the dirtbag cities that made choices to do crazy stuff that you weren't involved in."
Like say, let the black devil in to seduce their women and subvert the white man's culture with their home-style cookin' and Rhythm & Blues.

"Progressives need to you do be dependent on them." Huh??

"Hey, wait a minute. Hold it. Didn't I just see that welfare rolls are at an all-time high? What a wild coincidence."

Wild as in a pack of spotted hyenas roaming the 'frican Savannah looking to scavenge a free lunch off the hard, predatory work of others.
Which brings us back to the whole "damn Planet of the Apes" analogy, which obviously has nothing to do with America living under a black president. NOTHING! Couldn't be farther from the truth!

Thing is, with Glenn Beck's piercing intellect and various shades of meaning and subtlety in everything he says, it can be soooooo hard to understand what exactly is going on in that brilliant head of his.

Perhaps sweet Glenny simply meant America is like Planet of the Apes, in the sense that both contain the letter "E" and "A." Try wrapping your feeble pea-brain around that one, America!

Ooooh, wonder what perfectly logical, racism-free classic cinema comparison he'll dream up next.

Hopefully something that can in no way, under any circumstance, ever be misconstrued as the moronic, hate-filled ramblings of an embittered country bumpkin who does not much care for the policies of some gangbangin' black man playin' hoops in his once-pure, once-tennis court wrapped White House.

Like, Amistad, but only in the sense that the U.S., like the slave-ship carrying captured West Africans into slavery, too has a long and storied history of maritime exploration, and adventurous spirit discovering new and exciting transatlantic trade routes.

For precious freedom...to chain and shackle whichever inferior, non-white race or species they want.

1 comment:

Jack Reylan said...

The Professulas, trial lawyers and union organizers are Obama's core constituencies. Universities, libraries, museums and other public beneficiaries extort their patrons to lobby on their behalf using taxpayer resources. That's what ACORN and PIRG are about. They even encourage students to max out their loans and invest the proceeds so the school can up its total. Obama learned the trick when he worked for Don Kent at tuition-funded Arms Race Alternatives, while they denied admission to Young Americans for Freedom or even the pro-nuclear Social Democrats. Ted Markowitz used the Xerox 9700 to make fliers for the 1982 June 12th nuclear freezers, but persecuted students for smaller infractions. Look how they destroyed a supply side hero like Jeff Bell! Shows how much he valued free speech then and now, and who put him up to it, and what they were really up to, racketeering for federal funds. Sovern incited the 1968 riots so his cabal could get the booty: "UPI June 6, 1992 Sovern took over at Columbia after student protests of 1968 and New York's fiscal problems in the '70s resulted in less financial support for the school, a situation made more dire by recent federal government budget cuts. . . But Columbia will be looking for a new president in a period troubled by criticism for destroying records that were being reviewed for improprieties. Universities in general have been under greater scrutiny for how they charge the government for federally sponsored research." When Obama falls in 2010, we should go through the grant-grubbing Ivy Leagues that produce commie-nutty organizers with a flame thrower! Ivy League universities are not good at getting students jobs, only grants to be commie nutty organizers. If you are liberal, anything you do is inherently ethical for the cause, but if you are a conservative, and believe in GOD, family or business, your very moral fiber, even down to trivial autonomic responses, is subject to persecution as either dangerously criminal or the result of clinical illness. Bush 43 had two Ivy degrees and they treated him as stupid because he was conservative even though he had better grades and entrance scores and took a lot tougher courses than Gore. Professors are the ultimate molestor high priests because they extort and control your transcripts and your grants if you turn them in. Like a cult, they will make your children denounce you and everything you stand for as unworthy. The lowest level university bureaucrats actually suffer the worst affectations and are likey to be the most vicious persecutors of your children. No business ever trusts such left wing graduates who don't believe in capitalism and become crooks because they are taught the only way business makes money is crooked so they seek to avenge their unemployability through their own crookedness. The universities consider real jobs and competition beneath them, so they want their little sissies to live off grants, even in the hard sciences or business. How many of their engineering professors have Professional Engineering certification? Almost none! They love foreign students because they slave up and don't expect professors to actually work for the tuition, like American students do. (Surely You Are Joking Feynman p 215 "If I ask you a question during the lecture, afterwards everybody will be telling me, 'What are you wasting our time for in the class? We're trying to learn something. And you're stopping him by asking a question'." ) No middle class parent should consider sending their kids there, because these schools will destroy your entire family. The only schools that unders