The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Anger Bear Todd Palin Will Not Hesitate To Harrass You With Misspelled, Error-Ridden, Special Needs Emails Ordering You To Endorse President Palin
Contrary to popular opinion, it's not just Mama Grizzlies who bellow, roar, and seethe with white, hot anger when feeling even the slightest bit threatened by hunters, poachers, the lamestream media, or whatever dark, ominous forces are bothering the massive, predatory beasts now.
And rest assured, Mama Grizzly's husband, Anger Bear Todd, won't hesitate to bite the freakin' head off of any dumb, hapless schmuck unlucky enough to cross his big, bad, error-ridden, grammatically incorrect path!
Don't believe me? HA! Try it. I dare you. Just look at the electronic beatdown Papa Bear unloaded on fellow scruffy bearded Alaskan Teabag Joe Miller, for having the snowballs big enough to so much as even question whether wifey Sarah, the Sarah Palin, was "qualified" for the job of President of the Wasilla Moose Club, let alone the entire 50 states.
Anger Bear & (soon-to-be) First Lady Todd to the rescue!
Can you believe the nerve of that bearded bastard Joe Miller?? St. Sarah spent all morning slaving away on a Facebook status update for someone she thought was a friend. And this is the thanks she gets? A tepid, half-assed, "It is not my role to comment" when asked whether former half-term governor, Republican vice presidential runner-up, and world famous social networker Sarah Palin would be a qualified pick for the presidential race in 2012.
Speaking on "Fox News Sunday," Miller, who has been backed by Palin in his Senate race, said that he is focused on his current campaign and that, “I am not going to get distracted by other candidates.”
Oh yes you will, Joe! Yes you will, God damn it! When a superstar like Sarah endorses some silly nobody like you, you Joe Miller, are contractually, no make that Constitutionally bound to endorse that person for president, even if that person happens to be an unelectable, unemployed Arctic drifter with no real qualifications 'cept makin' as many precious li'l miracles of God and moose piles o' money as is humanly possible.
Clearly, a certain "Joe Miller" has no idea how hard it is to post a status update on Facebook!
But then again, perhaps Todd failed to think through his whole, "Put yourself in her shoe’s Joe for one day" argument, and not just because it makes no sense and is more special needs than li'l Trigger could ever be.
Besides, if Joe put himself in Sarah's $500 designer, RNC-funded f**k me pumps, he would probably wind up out of work and knocked up by Todd's special (needs) sperm too!
And that would just be gay and gross, wouldn't it, Todd? Who's with me??
I'll tell you who's not with you, other than that good-for-nothin' Joe Miller jerk, and that is, naturally, the lamestream media, who per usual, are really the ones to blame for this whole imagined email-gate scandal. Not including the other culprit called English grammar, of course!
But all's well that end's well, and what could be a better, more satisfying ending than another delicious, error-ridden, gibberish Tweet from the Grand Master Twat herself, Sarah Palin, to finally put to rest this whole media-concocted scandal about sweet Mama Grizz and her loyal Anger Bear Hubby Todd, in 140 presidentially-unqualified, mentally retarded-qualified characters or less.
Hmmm, not sure what the hell "There's no there, there" means, unless of course she's referring to something a caring parent or skilled hunter might say to comfort a sad child, newly dumped & pregnant teen, or suffering mammal they just shot, or whatever.
The point is if a Palin said it, it must be 100% based in facts and truth.
The sad part is that Tweet took 5 hours, 3 ghostwriters, a six pack of any brew (but treacherous Miller!), and no less than 50 grams of the finest crystal meth Wasilla has to offer.