Nothing Spells Instant Relief From Cursed Gays & Wretched Women Like The Cool, Minty Flavor Of Sen. Jim DeMint

Angry, unstable, menthol-infused conservative wingnut Sen. Jim DeMint is quite disappointed, no make that terribly offended, that "no one" publicly came to his defense back in 2004, when he first expressed his wonderful, reasonable belief that hideous gay people and loose, unmarried sluts should be banned from teaching, even if "everyone" secretly whispered sweet nothings in his ear, urging him to continue his moral position (of being insane) when behind the safety of closed doors at the GOP's shared House for fallen congressional conservatives who got caught making sexytime with everyone but their own, long-suffering wifeys.

"[When I said those things,] no one came to my defense," he told the Spartanberg Herald-Journal. "But everyone would come to me and whisper that I shouldn't back down. They don't want government purging their rights and their freedom to religion."

Well, of course they did Mint! Because, if gross gays and dumb whores who have deviant sex outside of the sanctity of shotgun weddings in Vegas, weren't outright discriminated against and banned from teaching our highly impressionable children, that would be a terrible, bigoted attack on all Crazy Christians everywhere who know God despises homosexuality except when it is them secretly seducing underage congregants & altar boys with money and gifts, or hiring online male prostitutes to handle their heavy loads (of luggage, ya pervs!) during a 10-day European f**kation. This could not be clearer!

And fightin' minty Jim also knows his position (missionary only?) is not in the slightest bit discriminatory, morally reprehensible, fundamentally unconstitutional, or in any way totally batsh*t INSANE, because it is not just deviant, hell-bound homos he wants banned from classrooms, but loose, immoral harlots who prance around in come-hither, thigh-high f**k me boots, black leather jackets (Sarah Palin?), and offer their hoohas all to every Tom, Dick & Harry, without even demanding a 5 carat diamond ring first. Ugh, the depravity!

According to the Spartanberg Herald-Journal, "DeMint said if someone is openly homosexual, they shouldn't be teaching in the classroom and he holds the same position on an unmarried woman who's sleeping with her boyfriend -- she shouldn't be in the classroom."

DeMint did not apparently state his position on whether sexually active unmarried male teachers should be similarly removed from classrooms.

Do you even need to ask? Of course they shouldn't be, you fools!

We're talking strong, strapping young heterosexual chaps with a naturally hearty sexual appetite, sowing their God-given oats with every pretty ovary 'n breast possessing female in town, like Jesus said. Not some pansy queer or filthy whore spreading AIDS and sin all over the place, and then having the sheer audacity to stand in front of our children and teach them about the periodic elements with a mouth that moonlights as a homosexual (or otherwise) sperm depository. For shame!

But, it's not like ol' Jim DeMint's personal belief that wretched gays and single lady tramps are an abomination before the Lord who should be cast off with the rest of the sinners and sodomites in Guantanamo, is on his actual legislative agenda in the Senate. Not at all!

Because unlike miserable womens' rights, evil Socialist racial integration, and the rest of the indecent equality laws RAMMED down America's throat by radical liberal elites and activist Democratic judges, South Carolina's own Creme DeMint knows it is up to the local school boards, not the big, bad gubmint, to decide whether to discriminate against sinful sodomites and wayward sluts who refuse to stop their whoring ways and settle down, shut their mouths, and learn how to make apple pie and pot roast like normal, decent, God-fearing folk.

"Senator DeMint believes that hiring decisions at local schools are a local school board issue, not a federal issue," Spokesman Wesley M. Denton said. "He was making a point about how the media attacks people for holding a moral opinion."

Ah yes, the moral opinion that gays and unmarried harlots are immoral perverts who should certainly be tossed from the classroom, if not removed from existence completely, or better yet, burned at the stake while pitchfork wielding mobs of white men scream and throw pages of Scripture at them.

Ooooh, and I hear sexy Wiccan Christine O'Donnell is totally available to preside over the ceremonies, since she obviously won't be too busy dabbling with herself!

So remember people, when filthy fags and wayward women get you down, reach for the 100% natural, bigoted, satisfying down-home flavor of a true Southern specialty.

Because nothing washes away the gross, bitter aftertaste of homos and hos like the soothing, full-bodied, refreshingly minty wingnut taste of South Carolina's own Jim DeMint.

It's positively Delicious DeMented!