Obama To NAACP: Rainbow Is The New Black

Notorious gay-ignorer President Barack Obama used his speech commemorating the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP)'s 100th anniversary to finally give the Queers of Color some much-needed presidential love.

And to prove that, despite his refusal to act on such weighty matters as the right to get married, serve in the military without being forced back into the closet, and the overall advancement of equality for gays and lesbians, Obama's still down with the gays, the President offered an enthusiastic shout-out to his rainbow brother and sisters.

"On the 45th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act, discrimination cannot stand. Not on account of color or gender--how you worship--or who you love. Prejudice has no place in the United States of America."

Racism, he said, is felt "by African-American women paid less for doing the same work as colleagues of a different color and gender. By Latinos made to feel unwelcome in their own country. By Muslim Americans viewed with suspicion for simply kneeling down to pray. By our gay brothers and sisters, still taunted, still attacked, still denied their rights."

But according to Mr. Perfect Obama, responsibility means more than just allowing black gays and lesbians to live their hedonist lifestyle without fear of getting their asses kicked by their straight, god-fearing brothers and sisters. It means "No excuses!"

"No one has written your destiny for you. Your destiny is in your hands and don't you forget that...We have to say to our children, 'Yes, if you're African-American, the odds of growing up amid crime and gangs are higher."

"But that's not a reason to get bad grades, that's not a reason to cut class, that's not a reason to give up on your education and drop out of school," Obama said. "I want them aspiring to be scientists and engineers, doctors and teachers, not just ballers and rappers. I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court justice. I want them aspiring to be president of the United States."

In other words, less 50 Cent more Colin Powell. Hell, even RuPaul's an improvement!

Obama Looks To Congress To Help The Gays "Ask And Tell"

President Barack Obama may be down with the gays (in that he doesn't want to ship 'em off to a remote island), but some members of the rainbow mafia aren't satisfied. I guess all of New England just isn't good enough for some people!

Those greedy gays just won't leave Barry alone now that he rules the world. They think it's time for Obama to start honoring his promise only to forsake them until the election was over and he could assume his rightful place in the Oval Office. Then, with a graceful waive of his magic fairy wand, he could give finally give the queers those damn equal rights they keep bitching about.

But, suddenly Mr. hot shot Obama forgot about his gay and lesbian friends. It's not that he doesn't think they deserve the right to die for the country that refuses them the same constitutional rights as everyone else, it's just that he doesn't plan to intervene personally to stop the ongoing expulsion of homos from the military.

While the president certainly wants to do away with the hateful and unjust "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs says critics must understand that a repeal requires "more than snapping one's fingers."

A policy such as this requires a "durable legislative solution," but rest assured Obama is busy working with lawmakers to do away with this abominable policy once and for all.

But, in the meantime, pipe down, take your dishonorable discharge like the man, woman, or tranny that you are, and while we're on it, would it really kill you to tone down the whole "gay thing" for once in your wretched life?

Remember people, the goal isn't to make you more comfortable with them, it's to make them less uncomfortable with you!