Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are...To Tempt Right Wing Republicans & Destroy America With Toxic Gay Blood!

On this darkest of days when freedom died all because evil, liberal lawmakers threatening to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell went ahead and did just that, voting 16-12 to let deviant homosexuals come ever closer to openly serving as an out 'n proud queer in the United States military, A Few Good Men are bravely standing up to this most terrifying threat to humanity since that gay Teletubby Tinky Winky tried to turn America's children into raging mini Eltons and Ellens.

A Few Good (straight, Christian) Men like the patriots and prophets comprising the not-at-all-tainted Family Research Council, now that George Rekers (who?) is persona non grata for hiring persona non straighta for an all-expense paid 10-day European sexcation.

So, now that all that's behind them (ha ha behind!), and the Family Research Council is once again seen as morally superior, mentally stable, strapping pillars of heterosexuality with nothing to hide, listen up America, and heed their warning!

For if thee liberals and socialists cast their vile DEMONcratic will upon the good, decent American people by repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell, the last remaining defense against the terrible temptation scourge of homosinuality will be felled, and America will suddenly be left to its own sexually confused devices, with nary a closeted right-wing minister to guide them!

And then who knows what kind of fiendish, depraved, cesspool of sin will become of the United States Armed Forces, once the DADT sacred seal of sexual purity is lifted?

Straight, petrified soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines getting fellated in their sleep, forcibly against their will. Terrified commanders too scared of being labeled homophobes to do anything about Sergeant Stripes gettin' grabbed, groped, or even Tickle-Me-Eric'd while stationed in some abandoned desert outpost in the middle of Afghanistan.

Pretty soon, the entire U.S. Army will be teeming with rainbow-colored gays, since all the straights will have already quit, out of fear of catching the dreaded gay virus of fabulousness and fashion sense rampaging through the barracks.

Well, the concerned, God-fearing minds on the Family Research Council and fellow freak fringe group America's Survival are not about to sit back (like a bunch of sissy fags) and let the liberal/homosexual cabal turn their precious U.S. military into a "terrifying free-rape zone" where "disease-tainted gay blood" courses through the ranks, threatening the very one woman+one man heterosexual fabric this nation was founded upon!

Sure, their "Asking For Trouble" video warning against the hideous blight of homosexuality may have been removed from YouTube and every other major, (liberal-run) media outlet because its insane, viciously homophobic perpetuation of stereotypes, myths, and lies demonizing gays has no basis in science or reality, but that's never stopped 'em before!

Who needs science when you've got scripture or facts when you've got faith??

Everyone knows that repealing DADT will lead to “transgendered individuals who want to dress up as members of the opposite sex and would cry ‘discrimination’ if they are not allowed to do so.”

Which may be slightly difficult considering both genders wear identical uniforms, but hey a person can dream, right?

"We are today releasing an analysis of publicly available documents which show that homosexuals in the military are three times more likely to commit sexual assaults than heterosexuals are relative to their numbers," FRC Senior Fellow for Policy Studies Peter Sprigg said, based on his very scientific "analysis" of pulling things out of his ass. "We believe this problem would only increase if the current law against homosexuality...were to be repealed."

"Taken together, these figures suggest that homosexuals in the military are about 3x as likely to commit sexual assaults as heterosexuals are." Especially the "most common type of homosexual assault in which the offender fondles or performs oral sex on a sleeping victim."

Oooh, like Rip Van Twinkle?

"If open homosexuality was permitted in the military, these numbers can only increase," Sprigg said. "The number of homosexuals would grow, the threat of discharge for homosexual behavior would be eliminated and protected class status for homosexuals would make victims hesitant to report assaults and make commanders hesitant to punish them for fear of appearing homophobic."

The next thing you know, straight soldiers will be tied, bound, and beaten to a bloody pulp all because they have the good, moral, kind of sex (missionary only!), not the going-straight-to-hell Adam and Steve kind.

"In a number of these cases the victim was sleeping or intoxicated," Sprigg said.

"Under those circumstances, their memory may be clouded and so the evidence may not be strong enough to stand up in a court-martial and actually prove guilt on a charge of forcible sodomy for example. Nevertheless, something inappropriate may have happened...and the victim will think twice about coming forth."

Think twice??? More like two thousand times!

Because then people might think he too is a terrible gay (gasp!), and nothing is worse than that, not even nightly anal rapings by his bunkmate to keep it that way!

Good thing retired Col. Dick Black, who served in the Pentagon during the creation of DADT in 1993, understands these sorts of things.

"We faced this when we started tightening up on rape," Black said. "Women were intimidated about coming forward -- they'd be called sluts or you know they hung out in bars or whatever."

"When it comes to homosexual assaults, if the perpetrator is allowed to serve openly, it will be the straight men who find themselves facing embarrassing questions about what they were wearing the night they were attacked," Black said.

OMG! Then men would be the stupid whores who "asked for it," instead of women, and everything would be upside-down, and life as we know it would be forever destroyed.

See, things were much better when everyone was allowed to rape who they wanted, and no one made a big fuss about it! Women wouldn't have to be embarrassed by testifying against their accuser, and run the risk of being labeled "loose" and men could continue having their forcible way with the hot li'l numbers begging for it by dressing all sexy-like in mini-skirts and stiletto heels.

"I think we're going to see the opposite direction when it comes to homosexual assaults," he said. "You've got typically a one-on-one situation and there would be tremendous political pressure placed on the victims to remain silent. It will be very similar to the situation we had with women 50 years ago when they were reluctant to come forward and report rape because they would be mislabeled."

And that was just slutty women! Who cares about those tramps anyway? But, imagine the stigma if a strapping young manly man had to step forward and accuse a fellow male soldier of giving him the business (while he slept like a li'l angel) after a drunken night at the mess hall? Just think of all the pain and suffering he would go through once people found out about his late-night male bonding bondage sessions and started calling him a gross gay?? It's simply outrageous! Is there any worse fate?

Other than being an uncloseted homo, of course!

Well, that, or a Republican. But then again, aren't they pretty much the same thing?

Minus that one tiny "closet" detail, that is!

Psyche! Maine Voters Decide Not To Give The Gays Equal Rights After All

Maine voters came thisclose to becoming the first electorate in any state to say sure, why the hell not let the gays marry like the rest of us one man plus one woman miseries before deciding eh, on second thought, they'd rather keep that hetero perk all to their newly puritan selves.

After all, this is Maine, people--not some Kumbaya-chanting hippie commune like Iowa.

Besides, with Sen. Olympia Snowe already crossing the aisle as the sole Republican to support health care reform, Maine's trailblazer reputation is already secured, so there's no need to get all wild 'n crazy and start actually treating the gays like real citizens who are afforded the same constitutional protections as everyone else. We're not trying to ruffle any feathers here! That's part of what makes Maine, well Maine.

If being ordinary and unexciting wasn't a part of its history, how else could this proud, 40th most populous state of 1,316,456 be home to the thriving Northeast metropolis known as Portland–South Portland–Biddeford?

Although, gay marriage has now lost in every single state in which civil rights are left up to the voters for a positively St. Louis Rams/Detroit Lions-like record of 0-31, gay rights activists and the handful of hetero Americans who thought the whole 'separate but equal' issue was settled with the Supreme Court's unanimous 1954 landmark Brown v. Board of Education ruling striking down segregation as unconstitutional under the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, were disappointed to learn that (much like California) the same standards of jurisprudence simply don't apply to queers in Maine either.

Turns out that even Maine's independent streak and irrepressible Yankee spirit of fairness and individuality wasn't enough to stop the hate juggernaut or the indisputable fact that when marriage equality is decided by voters, Jesus tends to trump justice.

I mean if gay marriage cannot win in the original bastion of same-sex sin California, was it ever realistic to expect a rainbow-colored welcome banner in Maine, with or without the Mormon-led cruasde against the scourge of Homosinuality.

As long as America allows civil rights to be decided by voters at the ballot box instead of as a Federal constitutional matter before the U.S. Supreme Court, true equality and freedom--like the founding fathers intended--will never be realized.

Think about it, if we treated blacks like we treat the gays, half the South would still be hosing down black kids trying to go to school, ride the bus, or God forbid, drink from a (whites-only) fountain.

But I guess we could always compromise and enact something like Don't Ask, Don't Tell. We can all just run around with paper bags over our heads and Hazmat suits on our bodies so nobody knows anything about anybody. That way, who's black, white or sparkly-rainbow colored would all remain hidden under a common cloak of freedom.

Just like the good old days!

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/03/maine-gay-marriage-vote-e_n_344688.html

Sen. Coburn's Chief Of Staff: Playboy Will Make You A Gay!

Whoever said the Republicans were out of ideas, obviously never met Sen. Tom Coburn's delightful chief-of-staff Michael Schwartz whose bold, groundbreaking solutions for curing homosinuality sent shock waves through this weekend's Values Voters Summit.

Of course everyone knows the evils of homosexuality, but what you probably don't know is that pornography is directly linked to contracting the queer bug because ALL porno is GAY porno. It is!

“Pornography is a blight,” Schwartz told the audience. “It is a disaster. It is one of those silent diseases in our society that we haven’t been able to overcome very well. Now, I may be getting politically incorrect here. And it’s been a few years, but not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys around 10 years of age…”

Ummm, please tell me he's not about to go all Pee-Wee Herman on us now?

“But it is my observation that boys of that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it.”

Schwartz told the crowd about Jim Johnson, a friend of his who turned an old hotel into a hospice for gay men dying of AIDS. “One of the things he said to me,” said Schwartz, “that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark… he said ‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

There were murmurs and gasps from the crowd. “Now, think about that,” said Schwartz. “And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants! You know, that’s a good comment, it’s a good point, and it’s a good thing to teach young people.”

Ya hear that Johnny??? All those nudy mags under your mattress? Take one look, one look my young friend and it's leather pants, feather boas, and nothing but Barbara Streisand and Broadway shows for you. Got it flamer?

So eat well, exercise, be kind to others, and for the love of God, whatever you do, always remember the golden rule, son: tits and ass=faggot!

Obama Looks To Congress To Help The Gays "Ask And Tell"

President Barack Obama may be down with the gays (in that he doesn't want to ship 'em off to a remote island), but some members of the rainbow mafia aren't satisfied. I guess all of New England just isn't good enough for some people!

Those greedy gays just won't leave Barry alone now that he rules the world. They think it's time for Obama to start honoring his promise only to forsake them until the election was over and he could assume his rightful place in the Oval Office. Then, with a graceful waive of his magic fairy wand, he could give finally give the queers those damn equal rights they keep bitching about.

But, suddenly Mr. hot shot Obama forgot about his gay and lesbian friends. It's not that he doesn't think they deserve the right to die for the country that refuses them the same constitutional rights as everyone else, it's just that he doesn't plan to intervene personally to stop the ongoing expulsion of homos from the military.

While the president certainly wants to do away with the hateful and unjust "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs says critics must understand that a repeal requires "more than snapping one's fingers."

A policy such as this requires a "durable legislative solution," but rest assured Obama is busy working with lawmakers to do away with this abominable policy once and for all.

But, in the meantime, pipe down, take your dishonorable discharge like the man, woman, or tranny that you are, and while we're on it, would it really kill you to tone down the whole "gay thing" for once in your wretched life?

Remember people, the goal isn't to make you more comfortable with them, it's to make them less uncomfortable with you!

Homosexuals May Soon Be Able To Die For America, Too!

With one graceful wave of his magic wand, homo-loving socialist president-elect Barack Obama is going to let gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and other sexual miscreants serve openly (gasp!) in the military by repealing 1993's controversial "don't ask, don't tell" policy. The Army's polite way of saying, "Homos, No Welcome!"

Obama's White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs made the earth-shattering announcement during a YouTube Q & A exchange when some dude named Thadeus from Lansing, Mich., dropped the GLBT bomb on him, asking, "Is the new administration going to get rid of the "don't ask, don't tell policy?"

Looking straight into the camera, Gibbs made clear the Obama administration's desire to turn America into one big, gay dance party. With guns.

"Thadeus, you don't hear a politician give a one-word answer much. But it's, 'Yes.'

Ya, hear that Thadeus?

Barack Obama believes in equality! He thinks that everyone, not just straight people should be able to die proudly for their country.

Well, that and who can resist some hot girl-on-girl action?

Be All You Can Be?