Saturday, January 31, 2009

Republicans Concede Change; Grudgingly Elect First Black Chairman

Meet Michael Steele, New Boss Of Republicans

In case anyone actually cares, the Republicans have decided to drop the whole Klansman act and instead grudgingly join the rest of the 21st century in all its beautiful non-segregated glory.

It only took the maximum six ballots for former Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele to become the first ever African-American chairman of the Republican National Committee, after narrowly defeating his lone remaining challenger, Katon Dawson, one of the dwindling few true GOP patriots who still play golf at a whites-only country club.

Republican committee members weren't happy about it but figured it was better to just go ahead and let the colored man win, than cause a big stink for picking their real choices, white supremacist Katon Dawson or the just-as-lovely Chip Saltsman, whose brainchild "Barack the Magic Negro" delighted us for hours.

So congratulations Mr. Steele. We're even willing to overlook the fact that Mike Tyson used to be your brother-in-law.

And bravo to the Republican Party for also making history. We're happy to have you, even if it is oh, a couple decades late.



Anonymous said...

What colorful verbiage, however I think you are a bit mistaken. Perhaps the unique strengths and weakness's of each of the candidates might have led to the 6 ballots. The field was diverse with unique qualifications and characteristics in each candidate. And about "begrudgingly" I know alot of my very conservative friends were VERY excited about Mr Steele getting the chair, but I am sure you have more "reliable sources" at the top than I.

imissamerica said...

Perhaps you are right Anonymous. Perhaps it did take 6 ballots because all the candidates were just so uniquely qualified. Like the two I mentioned other than Steele, the Whites-Only Country Club member Dawson and "Barack the Magic Negro" Saltsman. Yes, I could see how an enlightened party of change could have Steele neck-in-neck with these two clowns. The joke is not that they actually picked the better candidate this time, but how close they were to once again self-destructing from a combination of ignorance and bad decision making. So bravo to Steele and the Republicans for finally not acting like a clueless party of racist has-beens.