The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Is This Really What's Best For Alaska?
Lovable Alaskan ice goddess Sarah Palin may not be governing her fair state anymore, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care what happens to the good people of Alaska. You betcha!
So, despite Miss Palin's affinity for wearing a trough full of makeup, ('cept when she goes "totally icognito" for a run), the mysterious goo spotted floating along Alaska's coast was not in fact the residue from Sarah's lovely face after a long day defending her family from the evil media, perverted late night hosts, and pyscho bloggers who hate special-needs children.
Instead, the odorous goo substance, which has been described variously as "goey", "gunky" and "hairy," and is believed to be formed of organic matter, is reportedly floating in strands of up to 15-miles long, with jelly fish and a dead goose also found tangled in its strands.
The US Coast Guard, who took huge "gobs of gunk" to investigate, were relieved to find that the strange goo is not an oil product, the remains of the ex-governor's "stage face," or a hazardous substance of any kind.
"It's definitely, by the smell and make-up of it, some sort of naturally occurring organic or otherwise marine organism," said Petty Officer 1st Class Terry Hasenauer.
"In recent history I don't think we've seen anything like this."