Alaskans Face The Harsh Reality Of Life Without Princess Sarah

Oh no, the dreaded day has finally arrived! That fateful day when Sarah Palin bid farewell to absolute power in the snowy north and hello to marginal celebrity in the sinful lowers.

So with the lovely Miss Palin out, who exactly is moving in to her animal-carcass filled natural history museum of an office?

None other than former Lt. Gov. and initial-sharing twin Sean Parnell! But what does America know about their new Alaskan freedom-fighter? More importantly, what does America need to know about a one Sean Parnell?

Not much beyond his proud service in Alaska's House and Senate, dedicated work lobbying on behalf of Exxon Mobil in the Valdez oil-spill lawsuit (oops!), his loyal support of Sarah's mutinous gubernatorial bid in 2006 (before she was an international superstar), and his love of running, skiing, reading and fly fishing.

Unlike that other, lipstick-wearing S.P. who ruled Alaska with grace and charm before abandoning the state for grander ambitions in temperate, treacherous America, Sean Parnell will never quit. Or do anything exciting and fun like give interviews while turkeys are murdered in the background, shoot wolves from the sky, and go on abstinence tours with their underage knocked-up daughter. His are in their teens already and not even pregnant. This guy's so lame!