Billionaire ex-eBay CEO Meg Whitman, who for some reason spent $71 million of her own vast fortune to win the GOP primary for the utterly unwanted job of California Governor, is naturally "qualified" for the position because of her very important work selling assorted crap to the world via the Internets for a while.
But that's not it! Magnificent Margaret also has the exact temperament a person could want for their esteemed state leader, including a wonderfully short-fuse and proclivity for flying into violent rages over trivial things like cartoon computer games for people who hope their "Second Life" fares a tad better than the pathetic, miserable existence known as their "Actual Life."
Even better than flying into blind rages and spontaneously attacking frightened subordinates (then paying li'l six-figure settlements to shut the stupid Asian bitch up), is passing this awesome inability to control one's furious temper on to the rest of the storied Whitman clan, including her two notoriously delinquent sons, Griff and Will Harsh (whose surnames are not in the least bit ironic!).
Well Mama Meg should be beaming with maternal pride over the wonderful news that her eldest son Griffith Rutherford Harsh V is following in the family's footsteps with his first felony battery charge for breaking a woman's ankle after the stupid bitch said some terrible, MEANY comment about his favoritest Princeton fraternity.
A 22-year-old woman named Valerie Sanchez was riding a bus to Palo Alto's Blue Chalk Cafe on the night of May 26, 2006 when she crossed paths with Griffith Rutherford Harsh V, Meg's eldest son and a notoriously delinquent drunkard sophomore at Princeton at the time.
According to a police report filed later that night, Sanchez and her friends had mocked his fraternity and said "fuck you" and "fuck your fraternity" to him before Sanchez swiped Griff's baseball cap off his head. The altercation escalated when both parties arrived at Blue Chalk Cafe. According to Valerie's statement to the police, they were inside the bar when Griff "pushed" her "with two open hands on her chest and shoulder area." She fell down and felt her right ankle "snap." A nearby security guard witnessed the event and corroborated Valerie's version of the events.Sadly, the police did not buy Griff's airtight "version" of the incident, and the 6'1", 195-lb. Griffith was charged with felony battery, with the paperwork from his arrest identifying him as "clean shaven" white man with a "hair style" of "punk." And we can only assume, with a 'tude of gangsta, no doubt!
But even badass mofos like Griff need mommy's help from time to time!
The next morning, Meg Whitman, Griff's mother and then the CEO of eBay, posted Griff's $25,000 bail with a cashier's check and brought her son home. Nine court dates followed over the next year, but the charges were ultimately dismissed, although it's unclear why. (Why, there could be BILLION$ of reasons!)Of course, this wasn't Junior's first run-in with the law. The infamous Blue Chalk Cafe brawl, where Griff beat up a chick, occurred after his sophomore year at elitist, arugula-eating Princeton. Though originally a member of the class of 2008, Griff ended up graduating in 2009 after a year-long disciplinary probation, ironically including a ban from the snazzy $30M residential complex mother dearest so generously built.
Boys will be boys!
Good thing Meggy didn't register to vote until seven years ago because "she was focused on raising a family..."
Time, apparently, well spent!
Just look at the upstanding pillars of society Meg so skillfully reared from cradle to classy young delinquents who get tossed out of Princeton eating establishments for throwing alcohol and racial epithets every which way.
From the campus rag The Nassau Weekly:
Overheard at Charter [eating club]And let's not forgot the also-famous exploits of younger brother Will, who much like older bro Griff (and let's not forget mama Meg!), is well-schooled in the ways of acting like an out-of-control douchebag, who has no use for the word consequence since that is only for poor losers like me and you, not rich, spoiled billionaires like he and Griff.
Griff Harsh (Meg Whitman's son) throws beer in Guy's face.
Guy: You can't do that to people.
Griff Harsh (points at himself): Billionaire.
Griff's non-refundable membership to Cottage [eating club] was paid in full when he got suspended. So some of the officers would let Will attend some meals and formals events in his brother's place until Will got banned from there.
The story goes that Will yelled "what are all these niggers doing here?" one night when all the members of the Black Arts Company where there to celebrate a show they had performed. Cottage is know as one of the whiter clubs on campus so I assume that he was shocked to see so many black people there in a night. He was already on notice with Cottage officers because of an altercation he started with a bouncer early in the year.Well raise 'em she sure did! But now that her sons are all growd up, and have put their beer-guzzling, prep-school expelled, drunken, racist, hell-raising past of privileged little consequence behind them, Meg Whitman is now free to help rear the good people of California back from the brink of financial ruin and once again wreak havoc on meek, tech-savvy Asian underlings throughout the Golden State.
Hasta la vista, Ahnold, there's a new Governator in town!
Oh, and a word to the wise, no matter what happens, always remember, you "fell down the stairs," capisce?