Malcolm Stevenson "Steve" Forbes, Jr, aka Steve Forbes, the snooty, silver-spoon fed son of inherited wealth and former Republican Presidential candidate no one remembers (pssst: he wasn't that good!) is once again in the spotlight for being ummm, well, the petty, pampered heir of the famed Forbes publishing empire, and mouthpiece for all of Mega-Rich Corporate America. Yay?
Well, Mr. Moneybags Forbes over here is absolutely tickled pink (but not gross gay pink!) to hear the wonderful news that 150-year old ancient fossil and longest serving member in the history of Congress, West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd has finally kicked the ol' bucket. Phew! Dude was taking forever to die!
Because now that Byrd's ol' creaking bones are no longer around to ruin everything for everyone (or at least for those with billion dollar trust funds from daddy), America's fine banking institutions are once again free to screw over as many dumb, schmucky Americans as their cold, little hearts desire, without even having to worry about the big, bad government poking their stupid, consumer-protecting noses all over the place.
Steve Forbes is sooooooo ecstatic that Robert Byrd is dead that he just couldn't wait for the old man's body to turn cold before sharing the "good news" with all his fellow corporate billionaires, media moguls, Wall Street fat cats, and Grand Obstructionist Pals on his favoritest Twitter!
Because now that Byrd is cooked (ha ha, sucker!), the prospects for financial reform may be buried with the ol' bastard too!
In fact, the only thing better than sayin' Bye Bye Byrdie would be if every other Democrat in the Senate also died, and maybe Scott Brown too, if Mr. Cosmo is even so much as thinking about voting in favor of regulating Wall Street.
They're perfectly capable of (not) doing that all by themselves, thank you very much!
Better stick to your other job wowing the ladies as a birthday suit coverboy, if you know what's good for you, Scotty!
And Steve Forbes will go back to his other job gleefully gettin' jiggy wit it on old men's graves in 140 thrilled characters or less, as Rich America's #1 classiest ghoul, and fearless defender of the only thing deader than Byrd's corpse, financial reform, and Forbes' flat tax:
His presidential chances, of course!
Besides, Steve's already done all the financial reforming America needs by wasting millions of dollars on his own two epically-failed presidential campaigns. For Freedom!
Or at least the freedom to be a complete douchebag and the sleaziest Grand Oil Puppet since