Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Holy Twit! Kansas High School Student Won't Apologize For Saying Gov. Sam Brownback Sucks Harder Than A Topeka Twister

War of the Words (in 150 or less): Brownback v. Sullivan

Thin-skinned crybaby Kansas governor of creationism and trolling Twitter feeds for meany comments by teenage girls, Sam Brownback, has decided to stop harassing 18-year-old high school students and start slashing arts education and civil rights for gays like the wise, compassionate Republican statesman he is.

Which is good news because Kansas was almost becoming a desirable place to live, if you're the kind of person who enjoys illiterate, gun-crazed wingnuts telling you what you can or cannot do with your body, while 300 mph tornadoes whip around cattle, buildings, and any remnants of civilization not tied down.

And you better believe Gov. Sam Brownback intends to keep it that way. Which is why he decided not to continue his insane wingnut quest to destroy the life of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old Kansas high school senior and member of the Youth In Government program who, during a field trip to the state capital, tweeted a joke about Brownback's dumbass speech to the students: “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot.”

OMG, the nerve! #kidsarecrazythesedays!

The Kansas City Star reports:
She actually made no such comments. “Joking around,” Sullivan says of the incident. Brownback’s director of communication wasn’t amused when the tweet was spotted during the routine daily monitoring of comments on Twitter and Facebook mentioning the governor’s name.
“That wasn’t respectful,” responded Sherriene Jones-Sontag. “In order to really have a constructive dialogue, there has to be mutual respect.”
Brownback’s brief speech to the students encouraged them to “be active in their government, community and public service,” Jones-Sontag says.
Nevermind that Sam Brownback really does "suck" and according to most everybody with a functional brain and opposable thumb, also really "blows a lot." Sherriene Jones-Sontag is so right! The best way to encourage students to participate in government and community affairs is by forcing them to shut their fucking mouths and do as they're told. Respectfully.

Even better is for the Governor's staff to troll Twitter feeds of teenagers and upon finding an offensive (because it's true) joke about their very own wingnut imbecile Teabagger-in-Chief, call the schoolgirl's principal to demand an immediate apology and force her to pinky swear never to utter any meany words about a certain elected public official with a serious Napoleon complex ever ever again.

But being the smart liberal young gal she is and not the cretinous Teabagger paradigm for "What's the Matter With Kansas?" Emma Sullivan refused to write some dumb letter of lies apology to Gov. Brownback because for one thing, she isn't sorry and still thinks he's a big idiotface who totally blows.

Apparently in Kansas, sticking to your guns works, with the school already backing down, because seriously who needs this kind of publicity? Certainly not Shawnee Mission School District who decided that Emma Sullivan does not need to write a letter of apology and won’t face any repercussions. Instead, releasing a statement saying they've "reviewed recent events surrounding the reported tweet by Shawnee Mission East High School student Emma Sullivan" and "[acknowledged] a student's right to freedom of speech and expression is constitutionally protected."

Guess who else relented in the face of free speech cries about a person's constitutional right to Tweet? That's right, the very yellow-bellied Brownbacked wingnut Governor who started this whole brouhaha in the first place.

Oh, and turns out, it was all his stupid staff's fault for over-reacting to the tweet:
"My staff over-reacted to this tweet, and for that I apologize. Freedom of speech is among our most treasured freedoms.
"I enjoyed speaking to the more than 100 students who participated in the Youth in Government Program at the Kansas Capitol. They are our future.
"I also want to thank the thousands of Kansas educators who remind us daily of our liberties, as well as the values of civility and decorum.
"Again, I apologize for our over-reaction."
Haha, score one for Emma Sullivan who, despite everything you thought, is actually lucky to live in Kansas.

Hell, Rick Perry would've had her executed.

Don't worry, Brownback, it gets better! Except then I don't think we'd be in Kansas anymore.

[Images via Getty]

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Poll: Fox News Viewers Less Informed Than Those Who Read No News; Which Is Weird Because Fox News Hosts Believe Pepper Spray Is A "Food Product, Essentially"

OMG, did you hear the crazy, Earth-shattering, mind-blowing news? No, no not that fat, crazed, out-of-control cops are pepper-spraying college students eyeballs out, macing old ladies, stomping on peaceful protesters, billy clubbing defenseless women and children, and bloodying the faces of law-abiding citizens in every major city around the country. The other headline-busting story about how Fox News is — gasp!—basically as informative and knowledge-providing as staring at an empty cardboard box for hours on end, or at least according to Fairleigh Dickinson University’s latest PublicMind poll.

Well, actually, that's not really 100 percent accurate, since watching a cardboard box doesn't usually suck knowledge from your brain like a new Dyson upright vacuum with ball technology, as is the case with Fox.

From the report:
The poll — which asked New Jerseyans where they find news and information about current events — found that Sunday morning news shows are the most informative, while Fox News actually leads people to be less informed than those who consume no news at all.

The poll focused partly on popular uprisings in Egypt and Syria. Asked whether the people of Egypt successfully topped Hosni Mubarak’s regime, 49 percent of Fox News viewers answered “yes” — the lowest on the scale — while 68 percent of NPR listeners answered in the affirmative, the highest on the scale.
Those who watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart performed well on the questions. Sixty percent of Daily Show viewers correctly answered that opposition forces in Syria have not yet toppled the government, second only to NPR. Forty-five percent of Fox News viewers answered “no.”
As Dan Cassino, a political science professor at Fairleigh Dickinson and an analyst for the poll, explained, "The (poll’s) results show us that there is something about watching Fox News that leads people to do worse on these questions than those who don’t watch any news at all."

Ummm, is that something named Gretchen Carlson??

Or maybe it's that other sexy blonde genius with the really deep, profound observations. No, not not Steve Doocy, although he is sexy. Think more vapid hair product sidekick who has big boobs not acts like one.

That's right, folks! It's everyone's favorite shrill voice of treason reason and idiotically spelled first names, Megyn Kelly who, along with fellow patriotic, non-pinhead patriarch Papa Bill O'Reilly sat down to discuss what really happened at UC Davis and teach all of America why it is perfectly acceptable for heavily militarized security guards to viciously attack a group of sitting students with pepper spray.

Oh, Fox yeah!

But wait a minute, O’Reilly said. “I don't think we have the right to Monday morning quarterback the police.”

OMG, he's so right! Peter King of Sports Illustrated is already in charge of that whole Monday Morning Quarterback thing.

“Especially at a place like UC Davis, which is a fairly liberal campus.”

Because liberals are not people. They are like buzzing hordes of locusts who deserve to be swatted, sprayed, or squashed in whatever manner deemed fit. Of course, if this were Liberty University, God forbid, and some psycho police lieutenant decided to generously and nonchalantly dust peacefully sitting protesters with pepper spray from point spray range, then maybe Papa Bear would have a problem with it.

“Pepper spray, that just burns your eyes, right?” O’Reilly asked Kelly.

OMG, totes! Just like getting Tased is exactly the same feeling as putting on socks and shuffling across carpet before touching your friend.

“Right,” Kelly said. “I mean, its like a derivative of actual pepper. It’s a food product, essentially.”

Exactly! Like jalapeno poppers, or salsa con queso. In fact, if you spray it on pizza, you have a federally recommended meal and an FDA-approved daily serving of vegetables, essentially.

Now, look, Megyn and Bill aren't saying the cops did the right thing or anything! God, no! "I agree [the tape] looks bad," Kelly said.

But looks can be deceiving! I mean Megyn looks like she just clocked out of the lunch shift at Hooters after an all-night coke and sex party at some 18-year old's house whose parents are out of town, but really she is a respected teevee news journalist (and lawyer?) on a very respectable, fair and balanced news network!

It's just that the protesters were sitting in a place where they weren't allowed to sit, so it's kind of their own fault!

Serves those pesky, rabble-rousing, hippie dippie college students right thinking they can just sit anywhere on campus, just because they paid tens of thousands of dollars in tuition for the very privilege to do so.

Besides, the police were just doing what the Chancellor told them, to try and clear the “Occupy” protesters’ encampment.

See, they were just following orders! It's not like anything bad ever comes out of that, right?

Whatever. The point is what right do we, tax-paying citizens, have to judge a publicly-funded cop for spraying a delicious (and nutritious!) simple food product in the faces of a crowd of college kids? (Maybe he was just trying to feed them?).

And not just any college kids. Liberal college kids doing something criminal and dangerous.

Like speaking out against the real people hurt by all this, the poor, long-suffering Corporations.

Because everyone knows liberals don't want to eat powerful pepper blasting from aerosol cans. They'd much prefer to eat the rich instead.

[image via TPM]

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Herman Cain Likes His Women Like He Likes His Pizza: Dense, Round & Stuffed Full Of Manly Meat!

Charming black walnut Herman Cain may have a way with the ladies (open-hand ass slaps only!), an uncanny knack for finding new and exciting ways to contradict himself on whatever subject matter is currently being discussed (you name it, he'll waiver on it!), and the unparalleled ability to offend anyone and everyone with his constant buffoonery, outrageous blunders, and cartoonish lack of knowledge on anything not related to dough, sauce, cheese and sexually harassing whatever hot tits in a skirt he hired to ride the Cain train now.


But it seems no matter how many women he's sexually harassed, policy questions he's "answered" (knowledge is for pussies!) with some insane combination of monosyllabic grunts and nursery rhyme gibberish, the runaway freight train that is the Herman Cain Presidential Express refuses to be derailed.

Just the opposite, in fact. You see, Cain is sort of like the political equivalent of Bigfoot; the more science disproves its existence, the more people become convinced that this elusive, mythical creature is currentlycamped out in their backyards. Because whenever Hermy says or does something mind-blowingly dumb (pick your fave, cringe-worthy "OMG is he serious?" moment), his poll numbers actually go up.

So what in the name of 9-9-9 is the secret to Herman Caini-Caini-Caini-Cain-Cain's improbable rise to the top of the GOP pack? Desperation? Perhaps. He is not Mitt Romney? No doubt. He is a walking, talking comedy routine and the polar opposite of a viable presidential candidate? Cain I get a hell yes!?

Just look to the Cain-Wreck's recent GQ interview to see why, despite the whole electrocute Messicans, screw the poors, push ladies heads in his crotch stuff, America just can't resist the one-of-a-kind Cain you don't even need to snort to feel its crazy, mind-numbing effects.

Alan Richman: Do you eat pizza as much as people say you eat pizza?
Herman Cain: No, because I'm very particular about the pizza that I eat. Godfather's is still a premium-quality product, and I cannot always find that. It's got to be as good as Godfather's or I won't eat it.

Oh, so that explains his campaign! It just has to be as good as Godfather's, a brand so delectable, you can only find it in gas stations in the most podunk cities around the country. Not just quality, Herman Cain quality!

Alan Richman: I understand that you like lots of meat on your pizza. Is this true?
Herman Cain: Yes.
Alan Richman: We won't do it today, but we'll have to argue about this one day, because I'm a crust man.
Herman Cain: You like a thin crust?
Alan Richman: I like a crunchy crust. You just want the meat piled on?
Herman Cain: No, no, no. We balance the ingredients to achieve what we call "a harmony of flavor."
Alan Richman: This sounds like a Republican platform.
Herman Cain: [laughs] We don't just throw stuff on there. We actually test, "Do you have too much sausage? Too much beef?" Because we want to balance the flavor out. So it is more scientifically developed than it might appear.

Ugh science?? I think we can safely say there's clearly nothing Republican about that!

Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?
Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.
Chris Heath: Why is that?
Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]
Devin Gordon: Is that purely a meat question?
Herman Cain: A manly man don't want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.

And Herman Cain ain't no sissy! C'mon, would a sissy continuously stuff his pie hole full of various carcinogenic pig parts after recovering from Stage IV colon cancer less than five years earlier? 9-9-9!! Manly Meat for president!!

Chris Heath: What's the best piece of pizza you've ever had?
Herman Cain: Obviously I'm going to say Godfather's.
Chris Heath: But is it true?
Herman Cain: It is true. It gets back to top-quality ingredients.

Obviously, I'm going to say you're full of shit because everyone knows Godfather's is the worst. Hell, not even Papa John will go near that shit.

Devin Gordon: Let me ask you about your rivals. Recently, in response to a question about you being the new "flavor of the month," you said you weren't a flavor of the month, you were Häagen-Dazs black walnut, which "tastes good all the time." If Mitt Romney was an ice cream flavor, what flavor would he be?
Herman Cain: Oh, just plain vanilla. [laughs]... Do you guys really want to do this ice cream analogy?
Devin Gordon: We do. Rick Perry?
Herman Cain: Rick Perry: rocky road.
Devin Gordon: Michele Bachmann?
Herman Cain: Michele Bachmann... I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it.
(Please don't say tits, please don't say tits!)
Devin Gordon: Oh, come on!
Herman Cain: Tutti-frutti. I know I'm going to get in trouble!
(At least he didn't say tits!)
Chris Heath: Ron Paul?
Herman Cain: Let me finish chewing! [pointing to the Godfather's-inspired pie] This is my favorite by far. I love the sausage, the mushrooms, the sausage. Love it.
Alan Richman: You know it could go on the menu.
Chris Heath: This is testosterone-packed.
(And you know how Herman loves his hot male hormones!)
Herman Cain: Yeah, loaded. If you're worried about cholesterol and calories, don't go into a pizza place in the first place.
Chris Heath: I threw you off. Ron Paul?
Herman Cain: I just don't have a good description for Ron Paul, because he's just not an ice cream flavor.

What, crusty old balls isn't a flavor?

Chris Heath: Completely different subject. I'm interested in this Donna Summer song that you quoted in the debates and you quoted in your book.
[In an August debate, in his closing statement, Cain quoted a favorite lyric sung by Donna Summer in "The Power of One," though he described her only as a "poet."—CH]
Herman Cain: I heard the song in a collage that NBC put together following the 2000 Olympics. And as it turns out, the song comes from the Pokémon movie, and I didn't know that.
(I always thought that was secret code for banging David Bowie's wife Iman!)
Chris Heath: It's the theme of the movie.
Herman Cain: That's what I've been told. And so I fell in love with this song, fell in love with how she sang the song, and fell in love with the words. Committed it to memory. Now, why did I commit it to memory? Because one of the things that I did before I ran for president is I was a professional speaker. Not a motivational speaker—an inspirational speaker. Motivation comes from within. You have to be inspired. That's what I do. I inspire people, I inspire the public, I inspire my staff. I inspired the organizations I took over to want to succeed. I love the song: [almost singing] Life can be a challenge / Life can seem impossible / It's never easy, when there is so much on the line / But you can make a difference. [laughs]
Chris Heath: Are you a big Donna Summer fan?
Herman Cain: Yes.
Chris Heath: What are other songs of hers that you love?
Herman Cain: [long pause] Didn't she do "Work Hard for Your Money"?
Chris Heath: Yes. [A Freudian-Republican inaccuracy on his part; he means "She Works Hard for the Money."—CH]
Herman Cain: That's one of my favorite ones.

Herman Cain likes a woman who knows how to work hard for her money, if you know what I mean. Wink wink.

Devin Gordon: What did you think about the fuss around your comments about Muslims. [Cain said in March that, if elected, he wouldn't feel "comfortable" appointing a Muslim to his cabinet] Did you think that you were treated fairly in that conversation? 
Herman Cain: No, because a lot of people misrepresented what I said. I know that there are peaceful Muslims, and there are extremists. I have nothing against peaceful Muslims. Nothing whatsoever. But I also know that we must be careful of extremists and we must be careful of the tendency by some groups in this country to infuse their beliefs into our laws and our culture.
Devin Gordon: Do you think that there is a greater tendency among the Muslim faith for that kind of extremism?
Herman Cain: That would be a judgment call that I'm probably not qualified to make, because I can't speak on behalf of the entire Muslim community.

Oh fuck it, he's never let that stop him before!

Herman Cain: I have talked with Muslims that are peaceful Muslims. And I have had one very well known Muslim voice say to me directly that a majority of Muslims share the extremist views...I can't tell you his name, but he is a very prominent voice in the Muslim community, and he said that.
Chris Heath: I just find that hard to believe.
Herman Cain: I find it hard to believe.
Chris Heath: But you're believing it? 
Herman Cain: Yes, because of the respect that I have for this individual. Because when he told me this, he said he wouldn't want to be quoted or identified as having said that.
(And also because he's the same man who believes an electrified fence surrounded by an alligator-infested moat is a reasonable immigration policy).

Thank heavens Herman Cain is very close with the voice of the American Muslim, and he is finally able to use this anonymous unverified source to reach a broad, sweeping generalization about an entire group of people. Because we all know how much Herman Cain loooooves anonymous, unnamed sources making serious allegations!

Chris Heath: You've said that you find it hard to be politically correct. Why do you find it hard?
Herman Cain: When you learn how to be politically correct, you sound like all of the other politicians.
(In that you actually make sense?)
Herman Cain: People like my directness and my bluntness. What happens when you become so worried about being politically correct, you find yourself not saying anything. Because you're trying to offend the least number of people. I'm trying to attract the greatest number of people. Different strategy.

Ummm, ok, so how does that work exactly? He says whatever his red meat-engorged heart desires and doesn't give a hoot if people get mad or who he offends because that will make, umm, more people like him??

Ow, my ladybrain hurts.

Chris Heath: Are you at all worried that you could say something that could derail everything?
Herman Cain: Uh, no. I could, but not worried about it. And if I did, so be it.
("Que Sera, Sera, Whatever Will Be, Will Be...")

Devin Gordon: So what's the final score card here? Which pizza was your favorite?
Herman Cain: The man pizza! The manly pizza! That was great. It was loaded; it had the great sausage on it. It had the mushrooms on it.
(But really it was the sausage.)
[Everybody rises to leave.]
Herman Cain: Hey, guys, I've enjoyed it. But it's been stressful. [laughs] That probably wasn't politically correct, was it?
Devin Gordon: Compared to Meet the Press?
Herman Cain: That was stressful!
Devin Gordon: We at least gave you pizza.
Herman Cain: Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

But you Herman Cain gave us much much more. All the manly sausage we ladyfolk could stomach. Oh, and whatever "meat" topping was on the pizza was pretty good too.

Guess you could say it was an offer we couldn't refuse.

Or at least if we wanted to keep our job, that is.

[image via Lisa F. Young/Shutterstock]

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Supremely Scary: Nine Rich, Old People In Robes To Decide Fate Of Nation's Health Care

Rejoice, America! Barack Obama's signature Socialist legislation, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, which doesn't so much insure all Americans with actual health care as it does no longer allow billionaire health care executives to cackle wildly while doing the jitterbug on the sick, weakened bodies of children denied coverage, is finally heading to the Supreme Court, where nine men and women dressed in glorified Snuggies will rule on its Constitutionality, like whether your heart arrhythmia makes you 3/5ths what the white landowner with the robust, perfectly-beating heart next to you's worth.


But will the wonderful, infallible pro-slavery document of the late 1700s permit American citizens the right to not die, penniless and alone in the streets, even if it's not explicitly covered within its tattered, yellow pages of animal parchment?

From Reuters:
The Supreme Court agreed on Monday to decide the fate of President Barack Obama’s healthcare law, with an election-year ruling due by July on the healthcare system’s biggest overhaul in nearly 50 years.

The decision had been widely expected since late September, when the Obama administration asked the nation’s highest court to uphold the centerpiece insurance provision and 26 states separately asked that the entire law be struck down.
And then, if all goes well, drowned in a lake of brimstone and fire with the rest of the sinful acts of justice like Social Security, Civil Rights, and Voting Rights, where it belongs.
At the heart of the legal battle is whether the Congress overstepped its powers by requiring all Americans to buy health insurance by 2014 or pay a penalty, a provision known as the individual mandate.

Legal experts and policy analysts said the healthcare vote may be close on the nine-member court, with five conservatives and four liberals. It could come down to moderate conservative Justice Anthony Kennedy, who often casts the decisive vote.

The law, aiming to provide more than 30 million uninsured Americans with medical coverage, has wide ramifications for company costs and for the health sector, affecting health insurers, drugmakers, device companies and hospitals.

A decision by July would bring the healthcare issue to the heart of the presidential election campaign. Polls show Americans are deeply divided over the overhaul, Obama's signature domestic achievement.
Less divided are the fringe-right millionaire and billionaire business executives, who thanks to the biggest provisions of the law not taking effect until 2014, have a rare chance to completely erase the whole Obamacare "affordable insurance for everyone" fiasco before it actually happens.

But what about the people, you ask?

The people???

Ugh, to health with them!!

So, remember those death panels you keep hearing about?

It's called the Supreme Court.

[image via AP]

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Hey Ladies, Want A Job? Herman Cain's Got A Stimulus Package Designed Just For You!

Ah, remember the good old days when the conveniently vague, creepy sexual harassment accusations against everyone's favorite Black Walnut/Godfather of unwanted sexual advances Herman Cain were kept secret from the innocent, tender ears of the American people, so as to spare us the sordid details of all the gross sexytime things Herman Cain likes to say and do when harassing vulnerable, unsuspecting women looking for a job? (We know, we know, he just wanted to give her a position on his staff!).

Well thanks to Cain accuser #4, Sharon Bialek, it's blissful ignorance no more, my friends!
Sharon Bialek, accompanied by the celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred, became the first woman to publicly accuse the presidential candidate of sexual harassment, saying that she wants to “give a voice” to other women who might have been harassed by Mr. Cain during his tenure at the association.

Bialek detailed Cain's sexual overture, explaining that he spent money on a palatial hotel suite for her at the time of their meeting. When they saw each other in the evening, Bialek said he put his hand on her leg, "reached for [her] genitals" and pushed her head toward his crotch.

When Bialek objected, Cain asked her: "You want a job, right?"
After all, he is Herman Cain, America's premier job creator. Blow job creator, that is.

Bialek called on Cain to "come clean about what you did," saying: "Mr. Cain, I implore you, make this right."

Whatever do you mean, Sharon? Cain is already right when he continuously insists that those "harassment" charges are false, in that they are actually more like "assault."

Which is weird because Herman Cain always seemed so likeable, especially in non-rapey situations, like when preaching about electrocuting Mexicans, blaming poors for their own miserable, pathetic lives, and telling women what they can and cannot do with their tight li'l bods.

Almost as weird as not one, not two, not three, but four different women all having the very same ridiculous hogwash story about a man, no, make that a Herman, as perfectly innocent as every other serial sex harassing boss who helps a former employee get a job by groping her genitals. Herman Cain y'all!

From The New York Times:
In an interview after Ms. Bialek’s news conference, Joel P. Bennett, a lawyer for one of Mr. Cain’s anonymous accusers, said that Ms. Bialek’s claims were “very similar” in nature to the incident that occurred between his client and Mr. Cain.

“It corroborates the claim,” Mr. Bennett said of Ms. Bialek’s allegation. Asked whether that meant that Mr. Cain had physically touched his client inappropriately, Mr. Bennett said “I can’t get more specific” but added that “I can say it is corroborating.”
Ooooh, sounds sexy!

Oh, what, Uz no wanna Fucki-Fucki-Sucki-Sucki-Cain-Cain??


Gee, some people just can't take no for an answer. Least of all Herman Cain.

Because much like being a real presidential candidate, he's simply not Abel!

[image via AP]

Thursday, November 3, 2011

It's Halloween In (Corporate) America! Do You Have Your Homeless Person Costume Yet?

When you think of the perfect Halloween costume, usually the first thing that comes to mind is something that really captures the terrifying reality and unimaginable desperation of homeless people, with no food to eat, clothes to wear, or even a roof over their heads. Because, seriously, what makes you want to dive into a king size Snickers and satisfy that hunger more than the hilarious suffering of the most downtrodden and desperate among us?

Well, to the employees at the foreclosure mill law offices of Steven J. Baum, the answer is absolutely nothing, because people too pathetically poor and down on their luck to keep their homes are worthless, gross "others" who deserve nothing but scorn, mockery, and our deepest contempt.

Nevermind that these same employees, or at least the ones pictured above, look like your average legal assistants, secretaries, paralegals, administrative assistants, receptionists, file clerks and low-level litigators, and are all probably behind on their own mortgages and much closer to financial catastrophe than they'd care to admit (the firm is in freakin' Buffalo, after all). The point is that in order to keep these workers content to keep toiling away as wage slaves to this utterly evil law firm, and work tirelessly against the interests of the rest of the nation’s wage slaves, they must dehumanize their neighbors and fellow citizens fighting foreclosure as sub-human specimens unworthy of even the slightest tinge of mercy or compassion.

Which reminds me of another group of willing executioners innocent li'l lemmings who didn't mean to exterminate six million Jews as if they were the bubonic plague or anything, but were simply following orders!

From The New York Times:
On Friday, the law firm of Steven J. Baum threw a Halloween party. The party is the firm’s big annual bash. Employees wear Halloween costumes to the office, where they party until around noon, and then return to work, still in costume. I can’t tell you how people dressed for this year’s party, but I can tell you about last year’s.

That’s because a former employee of Steven J. Baum recently sent me snapshots of last year’s party. In an e-mail, she said that she wanted me to see them because they showed an appalling lack of compassion toward the homeowners — invariably poor and down on their luck — that the Baum firm had brought foreclosure proceedings against.

When we spoke later, she added that the snapshots are an accurate representation of the firm’s mind-set. “There is this really cavalier attitude,” she said. “It doesn’t matter that people are going to lose their homes.” Nor does the firm try to help people get mortgage modifications; the pressure, always, is to foreclose. I told her I wanted to post the photos on The Times’s Web site so that readers could see them. She agreed, but asked to remain anonymous because she said she fears retaliation.

Let me describe a few of the photos. In one, two Baum employees are dressed like homeless people. One is holding a bottle of liquor. The other has a sign around her neck that reads: “3rd party squatter. I lost my home and I was never served.” My source said that “I was never served” is meant to mock “the typical excuse” of the homeowner trying to evade a foreclosure proceeding.

A second picture shows a coffin with a picture of a woman whose eyes have been cut out. A sign on the coffin reads: “Rest in Peace. Crazy Susie.” The reference is to Susan Chana Lask, a lawyer who had filed a class-action suit against Steven J. Baum — and had posted a YouTube video denouncing the firm’s foreclosure practices. “She was a thorn in their side,” said my source.
Apparently, so is the New York Attorney General, who has already forced the criminal organization law firm to pay $2 million in fines to avoid further prosecution over its illegal (not to mention immoral) foreclosure practices. But much like any successful Mafioso, the low-level staffers who make the whole operation tick are taught to see their victims as worthless nobodies, feel nothing for those who suffer, and occasionally parade around as caricatures of the victims of their own unchecked greed.

This isn't a trick or treat, just American "corporate culture" in all its frightfully ghoulish transparency.

But it's not class warfare. Not at all. It's classy warfare. Sorry you poor pathetic schlubs don't understand the difference.

Now, if you don't mind, please lay your wretched, broken body down on the ground so I can walk across this puddle without ruining my new Jimmy Choos.  They cost me an arm and leg. And I don't mean that figuratively.

After all, the path to hell isn't paved with good intentions, it's paved with the sorrow, anguish, and liquor soaked foreclosure notices of the law firm of Steven J. Baum.


[images via New York Times]