Who Needs The NFL When You Can Have Michele Bachmann's "Super Bowl Of Freedom?"

Minnesota's seductive but equally insane Representative from hell Michele Bachmann took a break from undressing "stunning" fellow aqua-eyed right-wing darling Rep. Steve King with her piercing baby blues before a packed House floor to promote her upcoming "Super Bowl of Freedom" involving not pigskin and padding but teabaggers and testosterone.

Bachmann is urging the true patriots among us--you know, those dedicated warriors willing to slit their wrists for freedom--to descend upon the steps of the Capitol like the plague of locusts sent straight from the Lord to demand Congress stop trying to destroy America by shoving affordable, quality health care down our not-even-sore throats.

"The only way they're going to listen is if real freedom-loving Americans come here to Washington noon on Thursday, look at the whites of the eyes of their members of Congress and say, 'Don't you remember, I told you don't take away my health care,'" she said.

And if that's not enough to get Joe six-pack and other freedom fighters off the couch, out of their trailers, and into action, perhaps the blinding star wattage of such conservative luminaries as Jon Voight might change their simple little minds. Ooooh, just think how proud Angie must be to call him Papa!

As if her House Republican-endorsed inside-the-Capitol tea party isn't exciting enough, Michele used the occasion to unveil the slick, new catch phrase she's been working on, sure to please even the most discerning nutjob. "Socialized medicine is the crown jewel of socialism. This will change our country forever."

And you my Belle are the crown jewel of psychopaths. Luckily, this won't change anything in any way whatsoever because mental health isn't anything freedom-loving capitalists need bother with, since a perfectly functioning health care system like ours doesn't extend to imaginary liberal maladies like mental illness.

How else would the Republican Party be in such tip-top shape and so mentally fit as to entrust the future of their dear party to this self-proclaimed fool for Jesus who answers only to the higher calling of her one true Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whenever He personally calls upon her to fulfill His divine mission here on Earth.

Let's just hope He reminded her to bring the Doritos.