Not so fast Chicago. Sure you've been on a roll lately, claiming not one but two of the most powerful people in the world as your own (Obama and Oprah, in either order), becoming a leading contender to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, having both baseball teams make the postseason, and all around sending out good vibes from the Second City. We even have a huge silver bean for crying out loud!
But then things started going downhill.
First it was that wife-murdering police sergeant Drew "warm containers" Peterson, then came that bleeping golden governor with a grand hairstyle and even grander delusions, a January with an average low of 17 and now suddenly our fair city finds itself atop America's Most Miserable Cities, behind only Stockton, California and Memphis, Tennessee.
Really??? The only two cities in the entire U.S. dumpier than Chicago are Stockton (is that even a real city?) and Memphis? Wow. That's embarrassing.
Okay, so maybe Chicago isn't perfect. Sure, our winters are harsh, our commutes can be brutal, and our governors have a long tradition of serving jail time, but is that really so bad?
Add in rising unemployment rates, violent crime, the highest sales tax rate in the country, 100 years of Cubs world-series futility, more political corruption than Zimbabwe, and voila! you have yourself the bronze medal for sucking.
The good news of course is when you live in a hell-hole like Chicago, even Flint, Michigan starts to look like Xanadu.