Obama Takes Break From Murdering Flies To Make Gays Feel Like Real Citizens

Liberal hippie Barack Obama has promised to do a lot of things, namely fix the economy, healthcare, Iraq, Afghanistan, and basically everything else Georgey managed to screw up completely. He also promised the gays he'd try to help make them first-class citizens, but excuuuuse him if his plate's been a little full!

So, with the pace of a sloth dipped in molasses, President Barack Obama signed a memorandum extending some federal benefits to same-sex partners of federal workers. Of course, the measure doesn't cover healthcare and retirement benefits, two of the things no one ever thinks about when they think about "employment benefits." Perhaps they'll get a discount on Nationals tickets or Lincoln Memorial tours instead?

As he signed the historic legislation into law, Obama said, "Extending equal benefits to the same-sex partners of Federal employees is the right thing to do," although he did note that by law, the government cannot grant gay couples the same range of benefits afforded to heterosexual couples. Sorry, gays, better luck next time.

Obama also reiterated his opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act, saying, "It's discriminatory, it interferes with States' rights, and it's time we overturned it."

But if you'll excuse him, he has a few flies to kill first.