Barry Surfs The Internets Just Like You & Me!

It's the weekend and Barry's got the comp all to himself! What on earth will dear leader do with his fun playtime alone on the Internets? Will he friend request Queen of the Facebooks Sarah Palin now that she quit running Alaska to take a full time job updating her Facebook status?

Will he hit up the Twitter like a cool Prez and go tweet-to-tweet with Twitterin' King Charles Grassley?

Perhaps he'll check out fakebirthcertificates.com and see if there's anything he can do to muzzle those annoying birther thorns-in-his side once and for all?

Or better yet, maybe he'll see what he can do about replacing that broke-ass, old 17-inch screen of his. I mean the President of the Free World shouldn't be stuck using a Gateway PC running windows XP atop a desk cluttered with an old Dell laptop, a lame inspirational quote mug filled with cheap ballpoint pens, a bunch of folders, stacks of papers, hand sanitizer, and please don't tell me that is a jar of throat lozenges I see near the edge.

Seriously, the dude is one Snuggie and couple of crumbs away from being exactly the same as the rest of us schlubs. Is he trying to make America look bad or something?

Barack Obama Celebrates His "Birthday"

Happy Birthday Barry, that is if you were even born and not immaculately conceived in the town of Bethlehem some two thousand years ago.

If it is indeed true that Barack Hussein Obama was actually birthed from the womb of his white Kansas mother as he claims and not hatched from a primordial egg in outer space, the President of America will celebrate his 48th year of consciousness today.

He'll spend the high holy day in closed door meetings at the White House where he will plot with the entire Democratic Senate caucus how best to turn America into the Soviet Union and whether he wants chocolate or vanilla birthday cake this year. Ugh, decisions!

Hell, maybe this year Barry will even go out on a limb and go with a nice mix. Marble cake anyone?

Looks Like Someone Has A Case Of The Mondays...

Ugh. God, you people are wearing Barry out! Can't a guy get one day where he can just chill and eat hamburgers and not have to listen to boring meetings about fiscal policy, health care reform or a Supreme Court nominee breaking their ankle in a freak accident called klutziness at LaGuardia airport?

Between that crazy North Korean dude, Sen. Grassley's ridiculous, error-ridden tweets of rage, and the GLBT mafia all over him to repeal that absurd middle-school policy "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and let them die for this country like the convicted felons and drug offenders allowed to serve, so long as they don't wear leather chaps and feathered boas, Barry sure has his hands full.

So for the love of God, can you just give the man some peace for a moment? I mean seriously folks, Nicolas Sarkozy only promised to take Michelle and the girls off his hands for a few precious hours--and the clock is ticking here people!

So if you don't mind, he'd like a few more minutes fantasizing about schooling Kobe Bryant with his famous stutter-step crossover move straight to the hole. And for Christ sake, will someone please get the man a cigarette?