Obama Administration Announces Global Quest To Save Gay People; Rick Perry Denounces It In Personal Quest To Save Himself From Seeming Like A Good Person

Normal, sane folk who don't convulse uncontrollably at the idea of actually making dare I say, progress in the treatment of fellow human beings, felt an overwhelming sense of pride as Barack Obama announced that the United States "would use all the tools of American diplomacy, including the potent enticement of foreign aid, to promote gay rights around the world."

In a memorandum issued by the President Obama and in a speech by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, the Obama administration vowed to "actively combat efforts by other nations that criminalize homosexual conduct, abuse gay men, lesbians, bisexuals or transgendered people, or ignore abuse against them."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! OMG, since when do gross gay people count as actual human beings? Does Jesus know about this?

The New York Times apparently does.

"I am deeply concerned by the violence and discrimination targeting LGBT persons around the world whether it is passing laws that criminalize LGBT status, beating citizens simply for joining peaceful LGBT pride celebrations, or killing men, women, and children for their perceived sexual orientation," Mr. Obama said in a presidential memorandum.

Ugh, fine, but throwing rocks at them is still cool, right?

"In many ways, they are an invisible minority," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said at the United Nations Human Rights Council in Geneva. "They are arrested, beaten, terrorized - even executed. Many are treated with contempt and violence by their fellow citizens while authorities empowered to protect them look the other way - or join in the abuse. Too often, they are denied opportunities to work and learn, driven from their homes and countries, and forced to suppress or deny who they are to protect themselves from harm."

Oh, so they're like Occupy protesters here?

After saying the United States' own record on the issue is "far from perfect" and that there is still work to be done domestically, Clinton urged the international community to act despite the fact that opposition based on "deeply held personal, political, cultural, and religious beliefs" remains. "Being gay is not a Western invention. It is a human reality."

Which I guess can be said about the Kardashians as well.

“In reality, gay people are born into — and belong to — every society in the world,” she said. In countries “where people are jailed, beaten or executed for being gay,” she called on leaders to leap ahead of their constituents cultural or social mores, if necessary. 

Wait, so does that mean the whole stoning/beheading in a public square is a no go? Cause if so, Uganda's gonna be pissed!

“I’m not saying that gay people can’t or don’t commit crimes,” she said. “They can and do, just like straight people. And when they do, they should be held accountable. But it should never be a crime to be gay.”

Unless say, they do the unthinkable like wear white after Labor Day or heavens forbid, fuchsia gingham shirts tucked neatly into tight white pants and secured by a turquoise '80s belt to a White House Garden Party.

Other than that, the U.S. going on record as being uncool with gay-hating foreign governments, and not wanting people to be murdered, tortured or imprisoned for their sexuality is a pretty uncontroversial thing, unless...UNLESS you are a fading, desperate drunkard like Rick Perry, who will prove once and for all he is the #1 presidential candidate of straight Jesus and all HIS one man + one woman (+ semi automatic machine gun) glory.

Well there's no way Slick Rick Perry's just going to sit back and let them gays get any of those "special rights" to exist, which is why he issued this fiery statement:

“Just when you thought Barack Obama couldn’t get any more out of touch with America’s values, his administration wants to make foreign aid decisions based on gay rights.
“This administration’s war on traditional American values must stop.
“I have proposed a foreign aid budget that starts at zero. From that zero baseline, we will consider aid requests based solely on America’s national security interests. Promoting special rights for gays in foreign countries is not in America’s interests and not worth a dime of taxpayers’ money.
“But there is a troubling trend here beyond the national security nonsense inherent in this silly idea. This is just the most recent example of an administration at war with people of faith in this country. Investing tax dollars promoting a lifestyle many Americas of faith find so deeply objectionable is wrong.
“President Obama has again mistaken America’s tolerance for different lifestyles with an endorsement of those lifestyles. I will not make that mistake.”

Aww, hell no! Instead Rick Perry will make the mistake of thinking that the only people in the world are obese racist old white people who live in the American south, and equate the rights of gay people to paying income tax.

But, don't worry Rick! Everyone knows no more Republicans will accidentally turn gay as a result of this new policy. That's what Teletubbies, the Military, and Craigslist is for!

[image via AP/Wonkette]

Donald Trump: "I've Always Had A Great Relationship With The Blacks!" It's "The Brains" He's Always Had Trouble With!

Yo, yo, wassup America? Dis here's da Donald comin' at cha live and in (unnaturally orange) color. So fresh and so clean, cause you know that be how the Trump Daddy rolls!

So what's got Trump Dizzle trippin, you ask?

Lord knows it ain't for lack of scrilla, amiright? Holla!

Thankfully, all's good with the green, but there is another, much darker, much scarier color that's giving the Donald some trouble, and for once it's not his fake bronzed, electric sun-kissed wife!

“I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks. But unfortunately, it seems that, you know, the numbers you cite are very, very frightening numbers,” Trump said when asked about Obama’s sky-high support among African Americans during a radio interview.

So true! All the other brothas be all over Barry like white on rice, what up wit dat!?

Trump said the numbers were troubling and pointed to Hillary Clinton as proof that he probably won’t get the kind of support among African-Americans that he deserves.
“I tell it like it is,” Trump said. “[Y]ou’ll hear a political reporter go on and say it had nothing to do with race. But how come she had such a tiny piece of the vote? And you know, it’s a very sad thing.” [...]
Radio host Fred Dicker said, somewhat rhetorically, that votes should always be based on merit, not on race.
“If that were the case, why did Hillary Clinton do so poorly?” Trump asked.

Yeah, now that you mention it, why did Hillary do so poorly with Trump's BFF "The Blacks??"

Tsk, tsk! And to think, just when we were finally starting to make progress by actually electing a white person to the presidency, "the blacks" had to go and ruin everything!

For the love of luxury rentals, when will a poor, suffering white guy like Donald Trump ever be allowed success at anything?

Maybe when the African American community wakes up and heeds Trump Diddy's wonderful, sound advice not to vote for the half-black guy they actually agree with, but for the funny-looking dude with something resembling road kill perched atop his head, who refers to them as "the blacks," instead.

Until then, guess what, "The Blacks?" You're fired!

Hillary Clinton Finally Gets The Hang Of Blowing Things...Like State Secrets On Ecuadorian TV!

Apparently, Hillary Clinton has learned the importance of blowing things every once in a while, because 12 years after a little reminder in the form of an eager, young intern named Monica, Hillrod has finally succumbed to the pressure and opened that nice mouth, big and wide.

Yes, Hilly blew it big time!

Turns out the usually tight-lipped half of the Clintons let the proverbial cat out of the bag when sbe very casually told an Ecuadorian television interviewer that President Obama's Justice Department will matter-of-factly be bringing a lawsuit against Arizona's immigration law, probably because it is an insane violation of our constitutional rights and a very ugly reminder of what happens when hatred and fear hijack public discourse.

Oh, but what does an old hat at State, who some may more precisely call Secretary, like her know anyway?

Aside from the ho-hum fact (yawn!) that Obama's justice department is about to go loco on Arizona's wingnut law prohibiting gross Mexicanish-looking people from inhabiting their Grand KKK Wizard Canyon State.

Contacted about Clinton's comments, State Department spokesman PJ Crowley said they simply reflected her beliefs.

"The Secretary was asked about the Arizona law during a TV interview in Ecuador," Crowley said.

"She believes that a better approach is comprehensive immigration reform, and said so. Regarding how far along the legal review is, that is a matter for the Department of Justice."

Ummm, yeah, I'm sure they'd agree too. If the damn blabbermouths in State would ever stop running their mouths all over South American teevee shows.

But nooooo! Madame Secretary just couldn't keep her big trap shut and let the big news umm, slip(?) for the whole (Mexican?) world to hear during a June 8 interview for Ecuadorean TV:

"President Obama has spoken out against the law because he thinks that the federal government should be determining immigration policy," Hillary said. "And the Justice Department, under his direction, will be bringing a lawsuit against the act."

Well, well, look at little-Miss-know-it-all now! Mentioning a closely-guarded secret before the Administration completed its public rollout strategy...How positively Bill Clinton of her!

Perhaps this slip of the ol' tongue was some revenge for ol' Hillrod, a bit of an "F-You" to Obama for stealing her rightful place as the first female Presidente of these great United States, who will say whatever she wants, whenever she feels like it, God damn it! Or maybe, it was just an honest mistake, sort of like a momentary, "I forget where I was while spilling hush-hush Justice Department secrets on Arizona's Nazi immigration law against Latinos."

Which just so happened to be in the South American country called Ecuador. Ironic, I know!

Not as ironic as, say, Arizona Governor and famed daughter of fictional Nazi-hunter Wilford Drinkwine, Jan Brewer, claiming to be "stunned" that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would dare say that the Justice Department will sue her state over its terrible, new, immigration law. But much like her freedom-fighting father before her, G.I. Jan is vowing to fight the enemy, tooth and nail!

And she's in it to win it, mis amigos!

The heroic governor blasted Clinton's remarks as  "no way to treat the people of Arizona."

We do that with a net, prodder, and one-way ticket back to Juarez! ¿Comprende?

"To learn of this lawsuit through an Ecuadorean interview with the secretary of state is just outrageous," she said. "If our own government intends to sue our state to prevent illegal immigration enforcement, the least it can do is inform us before it informs the citizens of another nation."

A terrible, no-good Latino nation, no less!

"We are going to pursue it, we're going to be very aggressive," Brewer said. "We'll meet them in court...And we will win."

Unless, another one of NObama's elitist arugula cilantro-eating activist judges like Sonia Sotomayor is presiding. Then who knows what will happen!

Maybe they'll strike down Aryanzona's "Bye, Bye Brownie" law and start deporting dried up, sun-scorched, Mexi-huntin', desert-dwellin' lady folk, whose patriotic papas died fighting a similar Nazi scourge in 1955 California, instead.

You just never know with those crazy, reverse-racist muchachas will do!

Hell, even the supposedly "trustworthy" white ones like ol' Hill spill the beans from time to time.

Just so long as they aren't of the Mexican, jumping variety, ¡no problemo!

Game Change Reminds Us Anyone But Obama Would Mean Game Over For America

Guess what America?? Even though our country is broke, no one has a job, health care is on the skids, and it is getting painfully obvious that Mother Nature wants us gone for good, there's still something to be thankful for: that those other lunatic nutballs trying to win the White House back in '08, didn't.

At least, according to hoity-toity New Yorker book critic Hendrik Hertzberg in his review of the hottest election tell-all to hit the shelves, Game Change, by veteran reporters John Heilemann and Mark Halperin. (Sorry to all those Sarah fans out there, but the fictional children's book Going Rogue didn't meet the requirements of "not being total bullsh*t").

After devouring all 464 pages of this profanity-laced, dysfunction laden presidential free-for-all, Hertzberg, like the rest of us, was able to make a number of conclusions.

Some, like the fact that "presidential candidates and the members of their entourages are inordinately fond of the word 'fuck' and its derivatives," isn't exactly earth-shattering but mere reminders that politicians are human too (albeit foul-mouthed ones) and as such, like to sound cool and powerful by showering their speech with as many F-bombs as they can possibly cram into a sentence.

"When he first learned the outcome from his number crunchers, what he thought was, Well, we’re fucked," John Edwards' reaction to losing in Iowa.

"Why the fuck do you think I'd want to go sit outside a Wal-Mart and hand out leaflets?" John Edwards' wife, Elizabeth, objecting to a campaign assignment.

"Unfuckingbelievable!" Clinton said, upon being accused of citing the assassination of Robert Kennedy as a reason for her to stay in the contest.

"Fuck you! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!" John McCain, with "both middle fingers raised," scolding his wife, Cindy, for interrupting him.

"No fucking discipline." Obama's diagnosis of the chaos in McCainland.

But beyond our leaders' proclivity for potty talk, Game Change, does reveal some deeper, darker secrets about the sanity, intelligence, and character of our beloved candidates.

Some of course less shocking than others.

"The portrayals of the rest of the cast are reasonably consistent with what informed readers already knew, with flaws and foibles usefully filled out. Palin emerges as even more ignorant than one supposed, and considerably more unstable." Nothing surprising here.

Under the pressure of debate preparation, she regularly retreated into a "catatonic stupor," prompting the McCain campaign to discuss the "threatening possibility that Palin was mentally unstable." It was decided that if it looked like McCain might actually win in November, they would have to relegate Ms. Palin "to the largely ceremonial role that premodern vice presidents inhabited, considering it to be inconceivable that if McCain fell ill or died, the country be left in the hands of a President Palin."

Even trigger-happy Dark Lord of the GOP, Dick Cheney, called McCain's VP pick, a "reckless choice," believing the Alaska governor was unprepared for high office, though apparently still better than that illegal Kenyan terrorist with the funny name, winning smile, and ability to actually relate to everyday people, other than those with the last name Bush.

You know, "normal" people, like the unbelievably dysfunctional duo of John Edwards and wifey Elizabeth, who staffers described in such glowing terms as "abusive, intrusive, paranoid, condescending, crazywoman." The two fought openly over John's alleged affair (and lovechild!) with Rielle Hunter. But that's not it!

You see, Dame Elizabeth viewed herself as a "worldly intellectual" and publicly called her husband "a hick" and his parents "rednecks," snazzy $400 haircut or not.

"She was forever letting John know she regarded him as her intellectual inferior," mocking her husband as somebody who "doesn't read books."

Well it's a good thing Lizzy's literate enough to read aloud to poor, dumb Johnny all about how it feels to be married to an insufferable, egomaniacal asshole like him!

Speaking of healthy, stable marriages, the only thing shakier than John McCain and Sarah Palin's political "marriage" was the real one between the old man and Cindy.

According to the authors, McCain strategist John Weaver suspected the rumor that Cindy McCain had a "long-term boyfriend in Arizona was rooted in truth." Hmmm, perhaps the fact that the pair had been sighted all over town in the last few years was a tip-off?

But either way, our delightful almost-First Family "fought in front of others, during small meetings and before large events, to the amazement and discomfort of the staff."

Apparently, Cindy McCain accused the senator of ruining her life, that she never wanted him to run again for president, and that "when it came time to film campaign videos of the couple, the camera crews had to roll for hours to capture a few minutes of warmth." Adorable!

Compared to the other candidates' trainwreck lives, the Clintons' unique relationship almost seems like a functional one. Almost.

Turns out, Hillary Clinton, or Hillaryland as the former First Lady's inner circle was known, was full of distrust, secrets, betrayals, and a more than sneaking suspicion that hubby Bill's sporadic outbursts and unnaturally red face may not be the only issues the campaign need worry about.

Could Billy's Willy be once again rearing its ugly head?

Clinton's "war room within a war room"--which she put together to deal with questions about her husband's "libido"--became convinced in 2006 that Billy boy was having a serious extramarital affair, prompting Hillrod to instruct her aides to be prepared to combat the story (should for some crazy reason it be proven true).

Bill's wandering eye, followed by Lord knows wandering what-else, was also apparently the reason Hillary came thisclose to turning down the Secretary of State job, until a late-night call between her and Obama convinced her to take the gig, despite her concerns over that incorrigible hubby of hers, Bill.

"You know I can't control him, and at some point he'll be a problem" Clinton told Obama who assured her that he was willing to take that risk.

A gamblin' man, eh? Truth is, he's handled bigger dicks than that before (usually with the last name Cheney), but then again Cheney never belittled Barry by scoffing that "a few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee."

Which brings us to the coffee-fetcher turned commander-in-chief, Barack Hussein Obama.

The authors describe the Obamas' marriage as a model one, "Obama adored his wife and didn't even bother to pretend that he enjoyed anyone else's company remotely as much as he relished being with her and their daughters." The weasel!

Wait, it gets worse.

"Barack Obama is the only principal whose aides do not experience moments of suspicion--or, in the cases of Edwards and Palin, weeks of certainty--that their candidate is unfit for the office that he or she seeks. Only the future President is exactly what he seemed to be: calm, determined, a little aloof, immune to the snares of anger or vengefulness."

"Game Change leaves one reassured that the voters, given the choices before them, chose well."

Yeah, if they wanted a boring, smart, sane man who loves his wife and family, and makes decisions based on fact and rationality, not to cover up the demented sh*tshow that is their lives, as leader of the free world.

Guess you could say normal is the new rogue.

Game Change: The E! True Hollywood Story of the Election That Rocked the World

"This shit would be really interesting if we weren't in the middle of it."
—Barack Obama, September 2008

Ooooh, this is juicy!

The hottest book since Sarah Palin's magnum opus Going Rogue delighted an entire nation, Game Change from veteran reporters John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, has once again electrified the public. Err, that is, if you consider lonely bloggers and lame policy wonks members of the "public."

But then again, who doesn't enjoy seeing seemingly normal, respectable people act like one of the demented idiots from a bad episode of Jersey Shore?

For all those who simply haven't had enough of last year's elections (get a life?), Game Change offers readers an insider's look into what really went down during 2008's historic presidential campaign, with all the fun-filled, shameful moments you've come to expect from your elected officials.

As an extra bonus to you, the lovely readers, included in this rare, behind-the-scenes gem is primo dirt on all the fan favorites from last year's campaign, such as Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton and everyone's favorite philanderin' spouse Bill, the somewhat less popular sexual miscreant, fallen southern gentleman John Edwards, his lovely "wife" Elizabeth, plus all the bizarre John McCain/Sarah Palin freakshow drama you can stomach. And then some!

But let's start at the top, with the main man himself, the star of last year's show, President Barack Obama. Certainly the savvy reporters behind Game Change must have found something weird, true and freaky related to our beloved Barry.

Turns out they did. His name is Joe Biden.

Yep, much like the man's uncanny ability to put his foot in his mouth, Joe Biden's relationship with Obama wasn't exactly rainbows and sunshine. Rather, the relationship was what insiders would describe as a less-is-more approach. As in, the less Barry had to do with the man, the better for everyone.

According to the book, the tensions began in September of 2008 when word got back to Obama’s campaign headquarters that Biden boasted to reporters on his campaign plane that he was more qualified than his running mate to be president.

"A chill set in between Chicago and the Biden plane," Halperin and Heilemann write. "Joe and Obama barely spoke by phone, rarely campaigned together.”

Aides not only kept Biden off internal conference calls but refused to even tell him they existed. Instead, a separate campaign call was regularly scheduled between the then-Delaware senator and two of Obama’s top campaign aides – "so that they could keep a tight rein on him."

Not helping matters was the fact that Obama's VP selection seemed to develop an acute case of Tourette's Syndrome every time the cameras rolled, in that whatever words came out of his mouth did not always match whatever thoughts were going through the ol' brain of his.

After weeks of one gaffe-filled statement after another, Obama finally had enough of his straight talkin' pal after his now infamous prediction that an Obama victory would all but guarantee an international crisis of apocalyptic proportions.

Fed up with the trainwreck that was his running mate Joe Biden, Obama finally lost his trademark cool (well after the rest of us less self-controlled hotheads would) and went off on his advisers during a conference call.

"How many times is Biden gonna say something stupid?" he demanded angrily before taking a few deep breaths, some drags on a ciggy and once again composing himself with the sweet reassurance that no matter what sh*t may be going down with his running mate, it couldn't be any worse than the black plague McCain unleashed upon the world.

Ah yes, even Joe Biden's big mouth was no match for Sarah Palin's small, possibly unstable brain.

Too bad John McCain was too busy holding townhall meetings with his friends that he didn't have time for other things like vetting his potential running mate past the how do they look in a pantsuit stage?

Before she was tapped as the vice presidential nominee, McCain’s campaign team devoted only five days to vetting Palin and her seventy-four-part questionnaire. But Palin herself only spent a few hours filling it out – an act which had "consumed weeks for other short-listers." Ultimately, a forty-two-page vetting report of Palin was strung together by McCain’s team in a matter of 40 hours.

Definitely a well thought-out idea. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Frustrated over the campaign following her disastrous interview with Katie Couric (if you can even call it that), Sarah Palin said she regretted accepting the Republican vice presidential nomination. "If I’d known everything I know now, I would not have done this," she said.

No, this does not include whether Africa is a country or the name of a single newspaper, magazine, or periodical (not related to hunting & fishing) in the country.

McCain’s high command, already worried about her lack of eating and drinking and fearing that she was suffering from post-partum depression, convened a conference call and discussed whether she was mentally unstable. WHETHER?

Hmmm, wonder what they decided? Let's see, is the pope Catholic and the sky blue?

Of course, Sarah Palin dismissed Game Change as lies and half-truths (from the liberal media elites), with her loyal spokeswoman Meg Stapleton telling anyone who wants the whole truth to read the real, ghostwritten version of reality known as Going Rogue.

"The Governor's descriptions of these events are found in her book, 'Going Rogue,'” said Stapleton. “Her descriptions are accurate. She was there. These reporters were not.”

They don't live in Sarah's head. Only Sarah does. And sometimes God. But He doesn't usually stay very long. Gets cold easily.

Aw Snap! Hillary Lets World Know Which Clinton Wears The Pants Now

Poor old Hillary Clinton just cannot get a break. First her limelight-hogging husband Bill swoops in to rescue those two lady journalists from the bad Korea and become a world-wide hero, while Madam Secretary sat alone on the sidelines with no one but Al Gore to comfort her.

Now, Hillary travels all the way to Africa, specifically to the Democratic Republic of Congo, to get a little Sec. of State love and all anyone can ask her is "What Would Bill Do?" It's enough to drive a gal crazy!

So while Hillrod is innocently taking questions in Kinshasa (of all places!), some insensitive Congolese university student had the gall to "ask her for her husband's thinking on an international financial matter."

“You want me to tell you what my husband thinks?” a stunned Hillary replied when the male student asked her what “Mr. Clinton” thought of World Bank concerns about a multi-billion-dollar Chinese loan offer to the Congo.

"My husband is not secretary of state, I am," an obviously irritated Clinton said. “If you want my opinion, I will tell you my opinion. I am not going to be channeling my husband.”

But that's not even the funny part. Turns out the student's translator misspoke, accidentally asking what Bill Clinton, and not President Obama, thought about a possible Chinese loan to the Congo. Oops!

Of course, everyone knows the question "touched a nerve" because Hillary is trying to raise awareness about the plight of women in Africa on her trip, and she can kiss all that goodbye because no one will ever respect women after that little faux pas.

So thank you Bill Clinton for allowing the rape epidemic in Africa to continue unabated all because your wife resents your stupid humanitarian efforts or whatever you wanna call them and, at least in the eyes of Congolese university students, can't even keep her own damn husband straight.

Stupid women.

Sorry, Caroline, Seat's Taken!

And The Winner Is...Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand!

Here she is my friends, the new junior senator from New York you've never heard of: Congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand, at your service.

NY Gov. David Paterson's not-at-all controversial pick to replace the unfillable void left by dear Hillary's departure for her consolation prize running the State Department.

Clearly, Miss Gillibrand was chosen for her loyal service as Rep. of New York's 20th congressional district in the U.S. House, and not because a certain replacement governor thinks her ties to moderate Democrats upstate and connections to Clinton's cash-machine could help with his 2010 election bid.

So, that means we don't have to hear about Caroline Kennedy and the senate seat she's not filling anymore, right?

Over the media's dead body. They haven't spent the last few weeks covering every jaw-dropping twist 'n turn in this thrilling senate seat saga to quit now. Things are just starting to heat up!

Besides, who can resist a bizarre love triangle featuring political power-grabs, the state of New York, and at least two of the Democratic party’s major dynasties?

Battle For The Big Apple: Paterson Vs. Kennedy

Sweet Caroline To The Senate?

Barack And Caroline Pal Around

One of America's last great remaining treasures, Caroline Kennedy, has decided to throw her (designer) hat into the ring and go for Hillary Clinton's vacant senate seat, now that she's moving on to bigger and better things as Obama's hotshot Secretary of State.

Although it is still in the speculative stages, everyone knows Kennedy's get what Kennedy's want, and it will just be a matter of time before NY Gov. David Patterson "officially" appoints sweet Caroline as Hillrod's senate replacement.

Which is totally cool with us.

She is one of the most highly respected figures in New York and has already played an active, public role during Obama's presidential campaign, so no worries that little miss privacy will suffer from some publicity-induced breakdown and blow her big shot. As if she'd ever have to worry about lack of opportunities!

After all, she is a Kennedy. And everyone knows there is no such thing as too many Kennedy's in Congress. It's practically written in the Constitution.

How Sweet It Is To Be A Kennedy

Will Bill's Antics Be Hillary's Undoing (Yet Again)?

The Lady Accepts--Or Does She?

While us slouches here in the U.S. media were apparently twiddling our thumbs, our overseas source for breaking U.S. political news, the Guardian, was busy getting the scoop on America's fave scorned heroine (now that that hussy Sarah Palin's finally gone back to Siberia or wherever the hell she's from).

Are you ready for it??

Although she knows she'd still make the best commander-in-chief, Hillary Rodham Clinton has humbly decided to accept Barack Obama's Secretary of State offering! If you believe British newspapers, that is.

For those of you who prefer homegrown news sources, the Washington Post has a slightly different take:

"If Sen. Clinton can sort out her husband's global work -- which has made him an international philanthropic powerhouse but also earned him millions in speaking fees from foreign companies, creating obvious potential conflicts-of-interest -- she would have a good, if not completely certain, shot at it."

So basically if Hill can keep a leash on hubby Bill and all the drama surrounding his many foreign entanglements, she can have the job.

Looks like Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton will be back in Congress after all!

Hey, Since When Are Men More Qualified To Be Secretaries Than Women?

So it appears the weirdly uncomfortable Obama-Clinton-Richardson trio from the primaries has once again reared its ugly head.

It all started when Gov. Richardson spit on Hillary (and Bill's!) faces by endorsing that nightmarish fairy tale Barack Obama for President, even though the Clinton's basically put his ass on the map by giving him that plum Secretary of Energy gig back in the good days when Bill and Hilly still ran the show.

And now the treacherous Gov. Richardson has decided to throw a wrench in Hillary's plans once again, meeting with Obama over a possible Secretary of State position, the position she rightfully deserved. Bastard!

I mean can you believe the nerve of that man? Waltzing into Sec of State contention, like some oppressed minority trying to "make history" as the first Hispanic to hold such a high-ranking cabinet post. Please.

Let's get one thing straight here, Mr. Richardson. There is only one person left who can truly speak to the plight of the nation's last real struggling minority--female warrior Hillary Rodham Clinton!

Saluting Shattered Glass Ceilings Everywhere

Keep Friends Close And Enemies Closer

Aw, Hill, He'll Make It Up To You!

Is Barack Obama really about to tempt fate and commit the ultimate act of self-sabotage by appointing arch rival and estrogen-charged thorn-in-his-side Hillary Rodham Clinton as his trusted Secretary of State?

No one knows for sure. But the rumors are swirling.

And with 31 of the 47 people already named to transition or staff posts having ties to the Clinton administration, Obama figures why not complete his ultimate "Team of Rivals" by throwing the former first lady some Sec. of State love.

She'll be the first to tell you that she's certainly earned it.

I guess when Obama said he wanted to "bury the hatchet" with HRC after elections, he really meant give her a sharp, shiny new hatchet, put a big bulls-eye on his back, and in true Obama style, continue to hope for the best.

"Change She Now Believes In"

Hillary Clinton's Very Own "Rahmbo"

Ooooh, could there be something going on between Obama's former nemesis Hillary Rodham Clinton and his newly appointed White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel?

Conventional wisdom says no, but some bored reporters are apparently saying otherwise. Slow news day or steamy secret love affair?

The buzz started when Clinton, who met with President Bush to discuss the economic stimulus package on Tuesday, agreed to hold a conference call with reporters.

Amid the usual boring questions about Joe Lieberman's future and her thoughts on being a Senator during an Obama administration, the topic turned to juicier subjects like Rahm Emanuel, who also happened to be a staffer in hubby Bill Clinton's White House.

Clinton answered the first question, "Will Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff be good for New York’s interest?" with some dull non-controversial response about how Obama understands the needs of big cities and blah blah blah.

Nothing sensational here.

So the reporter probed a little further, "Do you think that Rahm's going to be accessible to New Yorkers?"

"Rahm Emanuel?" Clinton asked with a smile in her voice. "He's going to be accessible to me."

Which could only mean one thing.

Sex kitten Hillary Rodham Clinton isn't getting her kicks from ol' hubby Bill and has instead turned to her personal "Rahmbo," sexy stud muffin Rahm Emanuel to satiate her womanly desires.

And judging from the picture, I think we have a pretty good idea why.

I mean, can you really blame the woman?