Rahmin' It Home, Biatches! There's A New, Big (Chicago Style Hot) Dog In Town

Notorious Windy City gangster Rahm "9 fingers" Emanuel easily cruised his way to winning the most freakin' corrupt job in American politics, as the newest, latest, greatest Mayor-For-Life-Not-Named-Daley of the great city of Chicago.

Awww, hells yeah!

After a grueling race, which saw Rahm temporarily booted off the ballot before threatening to put his boot
down the appellate court's throat lest they wise the f up and return his name to its proper place atop the ballot, Obama's former White House chief of staff poking buck naked, rogue Democratic congressmen with his stump finger in the shower took home more than 50 percent of the vote, enough to avoid a runoff and claim his rightful spot as the new (sausage?) King of Chicago.

Haha, suck it Chico! How do you like dem apples?? Just kidding, they don't eat apples in Chicago, unless they're drenched in caramel and rolled in nuts, first. Duh!

FIFTY FOUR MOTHERFUCKING PERCENT, BITCHES.Wed Feb 23 01:43:00 via webRahm Emanuel
MayorEmanuel

If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.Wed Feb 23 02:14:45 via webRahm Emanuel
MayorEmanuel

Except if you're a Cubs fan, sucker!

But seriously, Rahm couldn't of said it better if he was Dr. King himself!

Finally the Second City's dream of an adorable, new, 9½ fingered, foulmouthed overlord to permanently call our own has come true!

Too bad the same cannot be said for winters that don't make you wanna jump off the Sears, err, Willis Tower, reasonable sales tax rates, governors who don't finish their terms in jail, and a city that actually knows how to create a budget without going dead broke.

So, ummm, congratulations, Chicago!

Just try not to make him mad. Dude's scary enough when smiling!

Tough Guy Rahm Emanuel Kicked Off Chicago Mayoral Ballot By F**king Appellate Court; Unlike Jay Cutler, Rahmbo Refuses To Go Down Without A Fight!

OMG Chicago, did you hear da awful, terrible, no-good news??

No, no, not that Bears QB Jay Cutler might have torn his MCL along with the entire state of Illinois' heart out of its chest before pouting cold and alone on the sidelines in Sunday's painful loss to the hated, rival Green Bay Packers.

The other no-good, terrible Earth shattering news!! That front-runner and almost-certain-to-be-next-eternal-Mayor-of-Chicago Rahm Emanuel has been ruled ineligible to run by an appellate court because he did not meet residency requirements, in that he did not, umm, actually, reside in their fair city while poking naked men in the shower as Barack Obama's White House chief of staff in Washington.

The friggin' bastards!

Reversing a decision by the Chicago Board of Election Commissioners, which had unanimously agreed that Emanuel was eligible to run for mayor, the appellate panel, by a 2-1 ruling, said Emanuel does not meet the residency requirement of having lived in Chicago for a year prior to the election.

"We conclude that the candidate neither meets the Municipal Code's requirement that he have 'resided in' Chicago for the year preceding the election in which he seeks to participate nor falls within any exception to the requirement," the majority judges wrote.

"Accordingly, we disagree with the Board's conclusion that he is eligible to run for the office of Mayor of the City of Chicago. We reverse the circuit court's judgment confirming the Board's decision, set aside the Board's decision and ... order that the candidate's name be excluded (or, if necessary, removed) from the ballot."

To which Rahm promptly ordered the head of each judge immediately be excluded, or, if necessary, removed from their body, and be placed atop the two spires of the Sears, err, Willis Tower, or whatever terrible company purchased the right to have its God-awful name slapped on now, instead.

Rahm Emanuel, who had previously won rulings by the election board and Cook County Circuit Court, will likely take his case all the way to the Illinois Supreme Court, where there will hopefully be enough Daleys or Obamas stacked on it to get this decision overturned and get Rahm back to sending dead fish through the mail, insulting Sarah Palin-owned Retarded People™, and spending money no one has as the new, foulmouthed mayor of Chicago, where he belongs.

Emanuel remained confident that the Supreme Court would rule in his favor.

"As I've said from the beginning, I was just elected to congress two years ago," Emanuel said. "I own a home here, I vote from here, I pay taxes here. The Board of Elections agreed with that. Joseph Morris agreed with that, and Judge Ballard agreed with that."

"I have no doubt we will prevail in this matter," Emanuel said. "It's just one turn in the road."

"When the president of the United States asks you to serve your country, you do that."

C'mon, an entire year and a half serving as White House chief of staff and you're really going to believe Obama didn't teach him how to fake his place of birth?

What are you f**kin' retarded or something?

Besides, what the hell else is Rahm gonna do? I mean, it's not like there's a big, high-profile administration anywhere that likes to keep a full stock of outspoken, fiery Chicago Democratic political personalities or anything!

Hmmm, on second thought, how's Rahm's throwing arm? He's already got the asshole who knows ballet part down. Plus, something tells me a North Side native with four fingers, tough-as-nails attitude, never-say-die mentality, and warrior's heart is better than a disingenuous Denver import with full digits, boatloads of talent, a rocket arm, Type I diabetes, two chins, a bad attitude, undeserved sense of entitlement, inflated sense of himself, and an empty cavity on his left side where a four-chambered pumping organ of muscle and connective tissue used to be.

Most people call it a heart. Rahm Emanuel calls it breakfast.

Obama Riffs On Year That's Been, Leno Takes It On The Chin, At Annual White House Correspondents' Din

The good news is that if the whole presidential thing doesn't end up working out for Barack Obama, America's favorite joker-in-chief may want to consider a career change, perhaps replacing a one Jay Leno as the undisputed king of freakishly large chins and late night talk shows that nobody watches anyway.

"I am glad that the only person whose ratings fell more than mine is here tonight. Great to see you, Jay."

"I'm also glad that I'm speaking first -- because we've all seen what happens when somebody takes the time slot after Leno," Obama quipped.

Oh hahahahaha, get it?? 'Cause like anyone who has to follow Leno's lame-o routine is as screwed as a Mexican in Arizona!

And that includes former mavericks who can't remember just who the hell they are anymore! Must be the scorching desert heat. Or all the hot tea the Grand Old Party's been sippin' lately.

Who knows?

Point is, Barry delivered the goods per usual, sharing some words of wisdom at Saturday's (Do I really have to do this again?) White House Correspondents' Association dinner, saying there are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love.

"Well, love and a birth certificate," Obama joked.

"I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth."

To which the Republicans in attendance rejoiced in ecstatic delight, failing to realize that this too was only a joke, not a secret confession from our now admittedly illegal Kenyan soon-to-not-be president.

Ugh, liberal elitists and their sense of humor!

Truth is Obama didn't even really want to be here entertaining y'all tonight, until good ol' Vice President Joe did the usual whispering in the ear to convince him.

"I work a lot so I wasn't sure that I should actually come tonight. Biden talked me into it. He leaned over and he said, 'Mr. President, this is no ordinary dinner. This is a big "f**king meal!"

Naaaaailed it!

Obama did acknowledge his sagging poll numbers (not as abysmal as Jay bomb over here, or say, retarded former presidents), but down nonetheless.

"Of course I may not have had the star power that I once had, but, in my defense, neither do all of you."

But, at least, he hears he's still popular on Twitter and Facebook.

"Or as Sarah Palin calls it, socialized media," he said.

That, or the only real job she's ever had.

On the subject of unqualified, attention-hungry party crashers...

"Odds are that the Salahis are here," Obama quipped. "There haven't been people more unwelcome at a party since Charlie Crist."

Well maybe a black man carrying a correctly spelled sign at a Tea Party, but let's not get crazy here.

Speaking of hip-hop brothas in charge of a bunch of white people...

"I saw Michael Steele backstage…aka, Notorious GOP," Obama told the crowd.

"Michael, who knows truly what plagues Americans today: Taxation without representin!'"

Aww, snap, playa!

"All the jokes here are brought to you by our friends at Goldman Sachs. But don't worry: They make money whether you laugh or not."

Even better is if you happen to choke while laughing from said jokes, and keel over dead from the half-eaten chicken bone still lodged in your throat.

"You wanna know what really tickles me? Eric Massa."

Referring of course to salty sailor and former Democratic New York Representative Tickle Me Eric.

"Apparently, Massa claimed that Rahm came up to him one day in the House locker room, stark naked, started screaming obscenities at him..."

"To which I say: Welcome to my world! I feel you! It's a tense moment."

It's like you don't know whether to be scared-stiff or just regular naked-man-in-shower-stiff, which is almost as awkward as grown men having post-caucus tickle fights.

Or washed-up late night comedians following hilarious keynote speeches by charming Presidents of the United States.

"As you know, a lot of Republicans couldn't be here tonight because it is $1 drink night at the bondage clubs," Leno said, giving a shout-out to GOP party chairman Michael Steele.

"This has got to be pretty boring entertainment for you, isn't it? I know what you guys are used to. That was my favorite story: Republicans in a lesbian bondage club. Republicans don't want lesbians marrying, but they do like to watch them tie the knot."

It's What Jesus Would Do!

If the Son of God just so happened to be as into lesbian S&M bondage clubs as he was about spreading the Gospel of love, forgiveness, and compassion to the people of the world.

Besides, Republicans have always had a thing for nooses. Call them voyeurs, but there's something incredibly arousing about watching two sexy li'l ladies prepare the very noose the GOP will be hanging themselves with later.

The Grand Orgasm Party, that is. Can you say hotttttttttttttt??

Salty, Straight Rep. Eric Massa Doesn't Enjoy Steamy Showers With "Satan's Spawn" Rahm Emanuel

Salty sailor and socialist sex monster Rep. Eric Massa is finally setting the record straight (ha ha, straight) on his whole real cancer/gay cancer resignation scandal that sent shock waves across the world Page Six of the New York Post.

Turns out, New York's own Eric Massa is a totally normal, red-blooded, fiercely heterosexual American man having fun at a wedding, gettin' George W. Bush level wasted from fifteen gin & tonics and—like any straight guy would—saying he wanted to bang a male staffer, and suddenly the uptight Democrats are trying to push the guy out of the House for being all gay and weird and possibly casting the deciding vote that would kill health care reform.

Luckily, the dedicated journalists and free speech activists over at Fox News have wised up to Democratic tricks like smearing their obviously homosexual fellow DEMONcrat and health care salt-in-the-wound Eric Massa as homosexual, after saying some massively gay thing to another male, making said male most uncomfortable.

Ooooh, this one has Pulitzer written all over it. Yay, Fox!

"I was with my wife. And in fact we had a great time. She got the stomach flu," he said.

Massa said he had just gotten up to sing "Auld Lang Syne" (some weird Scottish tune) and had finished dancing with the bride and bridesmaid — in full view of cameras — when he sat back down at a table with male staff members. That’s when he made the "inappropriate" remark.

"One of them looked at me and, as they would do after, I don't know, 15 gin and tonics, and goodness only knows how many bottles of champagne, a staff member made an intonation to me that maybe I should be chasing after the bridesmaid, and his points were clear and his words were far more colorful than that.

"And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me and said, 'Well, what I really ought to be doing is fracking you,'" he said.

"And then [I] tousled the guy’s hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to a point where it wasn’t right for me to be there. Now was that inappropriate of me? Absolutely. Am I guilty? Yes."

OMG, can you believe these terrible Democrats and their McCarthy witch hunt? I mean what totally, 100% straight male doesn't throw back a few brewskies and immediately start grabbing the nearest hot piece of man tail available?

It is like the Dems were looking for something, anything, to get rid of the salty sailor who loves dick (not Cheney) but hates any reform that is less than a full-scale government takeover of health care.

And all it took was one "salty" drunken comment for the Democratic "forces that be" to "orchestrate a character assassination" to push dear Massa out of the House of Representatives and prevent him from shattering the hopes of affordable, quality health care for those schlubs without the luxury of having the prefixes Sen. or Rep. attached to their name.

"Mine is now the deciding vote on the health care bill and this administration and this House leadership have said, quote-unquote, they will stop at nothing to pass this health care bill, and now they've gotten rid of me and it will pass. You connect the dots," Massa said.

"The future of the Democratic Party rests on passing this health care bill. They can get anyone to say anything about me concerning anything at all and in fact they did."

It's not that hard when you're a randy former seaman with a sharp tongue and a history of wholly inappropriate conduct especially when it involves crude slangs for "doin' the nasty."

But with all this Eric Massa news, and so many claims of naked penis sightings between him, Rahm Emanuel, Glenn Beck, a male staffer at a wedding and in the Congressional Showers, it's hard to keep track of which ding-a-ling belongs to which strapping, male owner.

Luckily, there's the innocent victim himself to tell us the real truth about this democratic "witch hunt" to oust him from power.

Of course, like all problems in society, the source of this evil plot against Rep. Massa comes from notorious pitbull and hater of retarded people, White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, the most terrible, evil, n'er do well since that good-for-nothin' NObama stole the election and illegally claimed the White House.

"Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil's spawn," Massa said on his radio show. "He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive."

Oooooh, sounds sexy! Go on??

Rahm also had the nerve to visit New York's 29th back when he was head of the DCCC to "inspect" this not-at-all-gay Navy monster and tell him to ease up with the whole raging, red-faced anger ball routine, saying, "I don't want you on T.V. tonight to be angry. Just take it down a notch."

The nerve of that terrible battering Rahm, offering advice to help a fellow Democrat actually win the House seat, which he lost, in his first run. Ooops!

But that's not it! Massa also described a heated exchange he had with a naked, now-White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel years later in the House gym, where the shower curtains had 'inexplicably' been removed. Hmmm, whatever you say Massa.

"I'm ... naked as a jay bird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't going to vote for the president's budget," Massa said. "Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?"

But, also how oddly arousing...

Of course, actual sex with a naked man is a whole other animal. Likely a prize-winning stallion with a very large package ego, known to most as Rahm Emanuel. But you can just call him Rahmbo!

Palin-Palooza! Fresh Teabagging Fun For All Ages (Not Colors)

Woooohooo!

Pack your bags (tea and otherwise), throw on your colonial best, polish your semi-automatics to a glistening shine, grab the neighbors, and head down to Nashville, Tennessee, folks. It's Tea Time, baby!

And this time, the revolution will be televised. But, hopefully not by the evil, terrible, Obama-loving elitist MSM.

"The mainstream media is the enemy," declared Bob Bunting, a retiree from Hilton Head Island, S.C., attending the convention with his wife, Nancy. "You are for socialism and Barack Obama."

Ah yes, all across the country, Bob Bunting and 1,100 of America's truest patriots, will gather at the Gaylord resort (ironic??) in the famed Music City for a li'l limited-government, low-tax, liberal loathin', gun-totin' fun. Teabag style!

There, the faithful fringe among us will have the distinct privilege of hearing her highness, Sarah Palin, deliver the much-anticipated keynote address, (and maybe, just maybe the opening salvo for her 2012 presidential bid), all for the bargain basement rate of $100,000. Just think about how many teabags that would get you!

"She is the one," said Loren Nelson of Seattle. "And she's gonna do it."

Or is she? The former Alaskan governor and current Empress of Facebook has remained mum on the subject, refusing to say for sure whether she'll be making a White House bid of her own (without Gramps screwing everything up) come 2012. She's so rogue like that.

Everyone knows with talent like hers, it would be "absurd" to not consider a run for president, and a chance to unseat that chocolate-hued menace with his big words and weird Muslim-y name.

"I would (run) if I believe that that is the right thing to do for our country and for the Palin family," she said.

In other words, as long as none of her other unwed teenage daughters have a beautiful, surprise miracle of God for Grandmama! So wrap it up Willow and Piper. One Bristol per family is more than enough for this Alaskan Mama Bear, thank you very much.

"The soul of the Tea Party is the people who belong to it," Palin said. "They have the courage to stand up and speak out...They believe in the same principles that guided my work in public service."

Do they ever! Principles like quitting during your first term as governor and never allowing this precious country to be overtaken by a socialist black man (from Kenya!) who hates white people and doesn't even believe in starting wars for no reason!

A man so dangerous, he wants to provide health care to all Americans, not just rich, white ones who also happen to be pharmaceutical lobbyists. Not even Hitler would've done something this horrifying.

And you can bet your bottom dollar, Hitler never had a chief of staff who ever used the words "fucking retarded." Of course, that's probably because they were already rounded up and sent to the gas chambers, but hey the devil's in the details, right?

Of course, Obama could always change the political dynamic and boost his reelection odds if he took Sarah's sage advice and "played the war card," by declaring war on Iran or bolstering Israel. That Sarah, she's not afraid of nothin'! Russians, Iranians, Iraqis (like there's a difference), bring 'em on! Anything to boost those election chances and save some Israelis in the process (not the Jew ones, silly, just the true Christians).

Distrust of the mainstream media (or MSM as its known to the tea crowd), is one of the main tenets uniting the philosophically diverse, but overwhelmingly white teabagging crowd, who almost universally believe the arugula eating national media have purposefully sullied their good name, portraying them as lunatics, whackjobs, racists, idiots, rednecks, and ignorant white trash--that is when not ignoring them completely.

But Chuck Smith, a 66-year-old retiree from Knoxville who attended the conference, acknowledged that the occasionally extremist rhetoric, combined with the mostly white composition of many tea party crowds make it "easy to paint us as racist or extremist, and I can’t fault the mainstream media for that, but that misses the point."

Smith said reporters "don't understand what’s happening. We're not exclusionary. We're everyday, hard-working Americans fighting back against big government.”

Who just happen to show their love of this country by waving confederate flags, Obama as Hitler signs, and demanding that ObamaCare be buried along with Teddy Kennedy's ol' shriveled bones.

In her 40-minute speech followed by a 15-minute Q&A session pre-selected by organizers (can't afford any Katie Couric like responses, now can we?), tea party hero and Alaskan snow goddess Sarah Palin hit all the right notes, sure to please even the most discriminating teabagger.

Bashing the Obama administration for "treating terrorists like criminals" (instead of rabid dogs?) and for not taking a tougher stance on the war on terror, Sarah had some choice words for the current, smarty-pants president.

"To win that war, we need a commander-in-chief, not a professor," Palin said, receiving one of her many standing ovations. Smart is sooooo out this year.

Accusing the Democrats of going on a wild, out-of-control spending spree, Sarah said, "they're sticking our kids with the bill and that's amoral–that's generational theft."

She even threw in some nice, old fashioned mocking for good measure--a sure-fire way to rev up the crowd.

"How's that hopey, changey stuff working out for you?" she asked, to wild teabagging applause, before driving this baby home with some solid Jesus talk and magic words like "drill, baby drill," and all the other stuff conservatives go nuts for.

Political leaders should "start seeking some divine intervention again in this country, so that we can be safe and secure and prosperous again. To have people involved in government who aren’t afraid to go that route, and also afraid of the political correctness that, you know, they have to be afraid about what the media would say about them if they were to proclaim their reliance on our creator."

What, that they're crazy like a fox? An Alaskan, snow fox?

But, heavens forbid they utter those two most terrible words in the English language: "fucking retard."

Asked by Fox News Host (and supposed ally) Chris Wallace why she demanded that White House chief-of-staff Rahm Emanuel resign for calling liberal activists "f**king retards," yet declined to ask right-wing talk radio host Rush Limbaugh to apologize for using the same terrible, derisive term on his radio show.

"I didn't hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people who he did not agree with 'f*cking retards' and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, it's been reported, did say that. There's a big difference there," said Palin, the de-facto leader of special needs children everywhere.

So true, Sarah! Rush must've been talking about a group he loves dearly and holds close to his (large, overworked) heart when he said,"Our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult's taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards...I mean these people, these liberal activists, are kooks."

"Should Rush Limbaugh apologize?" Wallace asked.

Ha ha don't be silly, Chris!

"They are kooks so I agree with Rush Limbaugh."

Duh! It's only okay to use the word retarded when referring to dirty, tree-hugging hippies, pussy, kumbaya-chanting pacifists, flamboyant, God-forsaken gay and lesbian rights activists and assorted other special needs persons of the left.

Isn't she just charming? Sure must feel good to be on the right side of God, History, Everything.

Bless her sweet, rogue, occasionally special needs heart.

She's so maverick, even she doesn't know what "f**king retarded" thing she'll say next.

Sarah Palin Demands Rahm Emanuel Be Fired For Hating All Special Needs Children, Especially Trig

Special Needs Showdown: Barracuda vs. Rahmbo

After a seemingly eternal week or two without any artificial drama to bitch and moan about on her favoritest social networking site, proud Emperor of Facebook and trivial feuds of all kinds, Sarah Palin has finally found a dumb, insignificant comment to get her panties all in a twist, so people will stop ignoring her highness to instead talk about silly, unimportant things like jobs and health care.

Fresh off her victorious 432-page war on the written word known as the great Going Rogue assault, Sarah Palin has now declared war on a dangerous, new threat to humanity: 9½ fingered fiend, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Rahmbo to those (un)fortunate enough to cross his path.

This time, the Alaskan queen's loaded gun of anger is being aimed directly at the White House's pugnacious point man for his latest, horrible affront to lovely Sarah Palin and special needs children around the world. And you best believe Miss Thang has the hammer cocked and her finger tight on the trigger!

You see, Sarah is very upset, no, make that devastated, over that terrible Rahm man's insensitive smackdown of Senate liberals (everyone's fave scapegoat!), describing their strategy to pressure Senate centrists as "fucking retarded."

Well, Mother Theresa of Alaska over here doesn't much care for meany language like that, especially when it comes from from someone as heartless and evil as the right-hand man of Satan himself, Barack Hussein Obama.

She simply will not stand for it, and is calling on President Obama to fire that no-good bastard Rahm...unless he too despises li'l Trigger and special needs babies everywhere.

And as any serious political heavyweight would, Sarah Palin naturally took her (retarded) fight to the Internets to issue an alert to her Facebook faithfuls, complete with the heading: "Are You Capable of Decency, Rahm Emanuel?"

"Yes, Rahm is known for his caustic, crude references about those with whom he disagrees, but his recent tirade against participants in a strategy session was such a strong slap in many American faces that our president is doing himself a disservice by seeming to condone Rahm's recent sick and offensive tactic."

"Just as we'd be appalled if any public figure of Rahm’s stature ever used the 'N-word' (newborn??) or other such inappropriate language, Rahm's slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities – and the people who love them – is unacceptable, and it's heartbreaking."

Shhhhhhh, if you're really quiet, you can actually hear Trig weeping in his crib right now.

And to think, the dastardly comment would've gone largely unnoticed by the evil, elitist mainstream media (they love socialists!) if it wasn't for a true "patriot" hero in Massachusetts (Scott Brown?) whose own li'l bundle of joy also has Down Syndrome.

"A patriot in North Andover, Massachusetts, notified me of Rahm's "retarded" slam. I join this gentleman, who is the father of a beautiful child born with Down Syndrome, in asking why the Special Olympics, National Down Syndrome Society and other groups condemning Rahm’s degrading scolding have been completely ignored by the White House. No comment from his boss, the president?"

"As my friend in North Andover says, '"This isn't about politics; it's about decency. I am not speaking as a political figure but as a parent and as an everyday American wanting my child to grow up in a country free from mindless prejudice and discrimination, free from gratuitous insults of people who are ostensibly smart enough to know better... Have you no sense of decency, sir?'"

"Mr. President, you can do better, and our country deserves better."

-- Sarah Palin

At least, sweet Sarah has the common decency to wait until she's all alone in the comfort of her home to call her own special needs baby "retarded."

No, not Levi Johnston, silly! We're talking about li'l Trig!

What are you "fucking retarded" (like the 12,903 fellow Facebookers dumb enough to actually "like" Sarah's incoherent, idiot post) or something??

Are You There God? It's Me, Harry

Living On A Prayer

Please, please God, let this stimulus bill pass so for once I don't look even more like the impotent, wisp of a senate majority leader everyone thinks I am.

I've tried my very best to make dear leader Obama proud. I even let Rahm Emanuel follow me around all day like a smitten school girl to make sure I didn't get bullied by those meany Republicans. They can be so rude!

But did I complain? No.

Did I whine about having to spend endless hours in backroom negotiations trying to trim $80 billion in pork so the only three rational Republicans in the Senate, Susan Collins, Olympia Snowe, and Arlen Specter would agree to support it? No.

Or how about having to deal with those pesky "moderate" Democrats (whatever the hell that means...who do they think they're kidding?) like self-proclaimed conservative Nebraska Sen. Ben Nelson?

You try talking to a guy who says things like, "We trimmed the fat, fried the bacon and milked the sacred cows." A real piece of work that Nelson.

But, hey, whatever it takes to make a little ol' senate majority leader like me look powerful. Harry Reid, he's strong like bull.

And to get that damn mad man Rahm Emanuel off my back. He's scary.

Barry's First Day Anything But Business As Usual

Mr. Squeaky clean Barack Obama isn't wasting any time trying to put the gleam back on the grime-filled White House floors. Apparently, eight years of dirty politics leaves quite a hard-to-scrub film.

So, on his first day as president, Obama rolled up his sleeves and announced his decision to freeze the salaries of aides making $100,000 a year, including the high-profile jobs of White House chief of staff, national security adviser and press secretary. Good luck breaking the news to Rahmbo.

Go-getter Barry also introduced new lobbying rules which he called tighter "than under any other administration in history" and issued an executive order to begin the process of closing down Guantanamo Bay so America can stop being seen as the a**hole torturers of the world.

First hundred days? Please. Barry will handle it in his first 100 hours.

Obama With Newly Poor Chief Of Staff Rahm Emanuel

Hillary Clinton's Very Own "Rahmbo"

Ooooh, could there be something going on between Obama's former nemesis Hillary Rodham Clinton and his newly appointed White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel?

Conventional wisdom says no, but some bored reporters are apparently saying otherwise. Slow news day or steamy secret love affair?

The buzz started when Clinton, who met with President Bush to discuss the economic stimulus package on Tuesday, agreed to hold a conference call with reporters.

Amid the usual boring questions about Joe Lieberman's future and her thoughts on being a Senator during an Obama administration, the topic turned to juicier subjects like Rahm Emanuel, who also happened to be a staffer in hubby Bill Clinton's White House.

Clinton answered the first question, "Will Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff be good for New York’s interest?" with some dull non-controversial response about how Obama understands the needs of big cities and blah blah blah.

Nothing sensational here.

So the reporter probed a little further, "Do you think that Rahm's going to be accessible to New Yorkers?"

"Rahm Emanuel?" Clinton asked with a smile in her voice. "He's going to be accessible to me."

Which could only mean one thing.

Sex kitten Hillary Rodham Clinton isn't getting her kicks from ol' hubby Bill and has instead turned to her personal "Rahmbo," sexy stud muffin Rahm Emanuel to satiate her womanly desires.

And judging from the picture, I think we have a pretty good idea why.

I mean, can you really blame the woman?