Mitt Romney Is "Not Concerned About The Very Poor," Nor Apparently Winning Anything But The Hatred Of 99% Of America

Ah Mittens. Fresh off a most undeserved and uninspired victory over a gelatinous blob of ethical lapses and abandoned wives in the Florida Republican primary, Willard "Mitt" Romney proceeded to promptly squander all momentum and break the Golden Rule of presidential politics: pretend not to be the cold, heartless, asshole you really are.

Whoopsies!

You see, to billionaire everyman Mitt Romney, poor people are like unicorns. He's heard of them, but never actually seen one. (Or at least not in the wilds of Massachusetts' gated communities).

Which is probably why Mittens continued the ill-advised practice of opening up his awful rich person's mouth and letting words flow forth like sister-wives to the altar, terrifying Soledad O'Brien and the half-dozen or so other people actually watching CNN.

"I'm in this race because I care about Americans," Mitt said. "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair I'll fix it."

And if the handyman he held his nose while hiring can't get the job done (ugh, dumb poors!), he'll move on to his next favorite activity: firing people.

But since Mitt is clearly not concerned about the gross poors (the free market will take care of them), what exactly is he concerned about? (Just kidding! We know he really doesn't care about anybody).

"I'm not concerned about the very rich; they're doing just fine." (Just fine, indeed, wink wink!). "I'm concerned about the very heart of America, the 90-95 percent of Americans who right now are struggling...We will hear from the Democrat party on the plight of the poor and there's no question, it's not good being poor (he's never really thought about it, but he'll take their word for it!), and we have a safety net to help those that are very poor."

And what a fine safety net it is! Manufactured in China by NetCo, LLC, a subsidiary of Bain Capital, and strong enough to catch a full-grown man plunging to the bottom in a dizzying self-induced freefall from the high horse he's permanently perched upon.

So that's what they mean about wealth trickling down!

[image via AP]

Ron Paul Likes His Airplane Seats Like He Likes His Citizens: In Different Classes

New (Old) Flavor of the month (white power chocolate mousse) Ron Paul is no stranger to controversy, thanks to his various racist, sexist and otherwise close-minded policies of limited government, even more limited brain power, and the freedom to be as selfish, asshole-ish, or basically Ron Paul-ish as humanly possible.

Like, say, the latest, greatest selection of newsletters allegedly penned by a certain Libertarian Jesus Ron Paul recently unearthed by the terrible, no-good liberal Jew run media, whose highlights, err lowlights, include:

• A segment called “Race War?” from the June 1990 issue of Political Report warns that a race war might be imminent due to “the victimization mentality created by the civil rights movement, where every black failure is a white crime. If there is indeed this sort of trouble ahead, it is just another reason why every honest American should be armed.”

• “Today, gangs of young blacks bust into a bank lobby firing rounds at the ceiling…We don’t think a child of 13 should be held as responsible as a man of 23. That’s true for most people, but black males age 13 who have been raised on the streets and who have joined criminal gangs are as big, strong, tough, scary and culpable as any adult, and should be treated as such” — a riff on bank robberies from the September 1992 issue of Survival Report.

• “Were there, as some people now say, two bombs that went off in the building? And might the government have the wrong man? Who doubts the possibility that the government – which lied about Waco and Ruby Ridge – may also be covering up true information and planting false information about the Oklahoma bombing?” — a conspiracy theory on the Oklahoma City bombing from the September 1996 Survival Report. 

• “Any organization hated by the IRS and the Trilaterialist Time magazine has got to have something going for it!” — a defense of the Church of Scientology in the June 1991 issue of the Political Report.

• “AIDS can be transmitted through means other than sexual intercourse and blood transfusion, specifically saliva, tears, sweat, feces and urine” — from the March 1987 edition of the Investment Report. In the same document, the author also called for the repeal of “federal laws which force schools to accept students known to carry a fatal, communicable disease, and businesses to employ adult victims as ‘handicapped.’”

• “[Magic] Johnson may be a sports star, but he is dying because he violated moral laws” — from the December 1991 issue of Political Report.

• “[T]he criminal ‘Justice’ Department wants to force dentists to treat these Darth Vader types under the vicious Americans With Disabilities Act” — a proclamation that AIDS patients (“Darth Vader types”) should not be allowed to visit the dentist, in the November 1993 issue of the Political Report. The author also adds, “[W]e all have the right to discriminate, which is what freedom of association is all about, especially against killers.”

OMG, so true! You know what else is true? The freedom of Karma to turn you into a frail, pathetic, decrepit old weirdo so vile and hateful even his eyebrows scrammed the hell off his face.

Which is almost as a-PAUL-ling as the self-proclaimed most "frugal and serious deficit hawk in the race" charging taxpayers nearly $52,000 all so he could fly in style, specifically first-class style, during his freqent trips between Washington and his home district in Texas.

From the AP:

But Paul's congressional travel conflicts with claims in campaign appearances that he's the most frugal and serious deficit hawk in the race.

"The talk you hear in Washington is pure talk, because there is nobody suggesting, the other candidates are not talking about real cuts," Paul said in a speech to supporters last week after his second-place finish in New Hampshire.

Now normally an elderly person who flies constantly with the means to fork over thousands of dollars to avoid being crammed into the steerage section of a commercial airliner is no big deal. More power to 'em!

But for a man who never votes for any budget or major spending bill and seriously thinks it is better to let people starve, drown, burn, or die of cancer in the streets than add one bloody red cent to the big bad gubmint deficit, is what the rest of the civilized world calls the worst kind of spineless hypocrite.

Because the person who is outraged by, say, a $25k public arts grant and is always prattling on about how "every little bit counts" and "you have to start somewhere" should at the very least not be the same one who tosses around hard-earned taxpayer money for a few extra inches of leg room, a hot towel, and the ability to look down on the stupid POVS who can't even afford to be on Ron's side of the curtain divider.

Not to mention, all the perfectly good federal money wasted on silly, trivial things like state-supported air traffic control, subsized airports, and paved landing strips when Ron Paul should know better than anyone that the invisible hand of the free market will surely keep his plane in the air and guide it safely on its journey, using not GPS and computers but smoke signals and supply side economics.

Truth is, if Ron was really serious about the whole thing, he'd go the old fashioned way, pulled by oxen in a covered wagon through dangerous, uncharted terrain and winding backwoods, untainted by Uncle Sam's coddling hand, but teeming with scurvy and dystentery just like the Good Lord and Ron Paul intended.

Screw Patrick Henry, thanks to Ron Paul, we can all take a deep breath and exclaim, "Give Me Liberty And Give Me Death!"

[image via AP]

How Much Does It Cost For An Old, Washed Up Maverick To Buy His Way Out Of Retirement & Win An Election?

Congratulations America! All your hard work, tireless efforts, and Cindy McCain's beer money have finally paid off because John McCain, THE John McCain, has officially defeated certified nutjob and
world-famous infomercial star J.D. Hayworth to win Arizona's Senate seat and return once again to Washington, DC to give the nation another six years (at least!) of good times and cheer watching a confused old man wander aimlessly, muttering to himself, through the hallowed halls of the U.S. Congress. Which sure beats doing the same thing in the hot, scary, Mexican-filled desert of his native land, Arizona!

So now that John McCain will officially never be voted out of office, because, much like their favorite ancient Senator and living fossil Gramps McCain, Arizona Republicans are also too old, confused, and ignorant to know what's going on, ever, the whole nation ('cept the Mexis!) can breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Three cheers for the pretend maverick! WOOHOO! Score one for America!

And to think, all he had to give up was the last, remaining specks of his integrity and legacy (Prisoner-of-War-turned-Prisoner-of Wingnuts?), while his long-suffering wife Cindy had to drop a cool $20 million just to finally get the old man back to DC, so she can go back to diddling the hunky pool boy like the good ol' pill-addled days.

So now that John McCain is back where he should be (and out of the wifey's way), let's take a moment to reflect upon the countless morals lost and trust funds tapped on the long, strange desert odyssey to defeat a teetotalin' lunatic on horseback initialed J.D. Hayworth and continue putting Country First by stowing his integrity in the ice box, along with SarBear, Cindy's petty cash, and his sanity.

Of course, with sweet Cindy's Budweiser-bought victory for Johnny, the only clear losers in the election were the people of Arizona, who had to endure a relentless barrage of sleazy ads from both sides, and as a result didn't really care who won, so long as the audio/visual assaults stopped. I mean, even a thousand screeching Cindy's, or salsa dancing Mexicans, would be a welcome respite from the god-awful ads these two cooked up!

Turnout at the polls was light for much of today for Arizona’s primary election, which will set the field for November races ranging from U.S. Senate to local constable.

As they turned out to cast ballots, many voters said they were turned off by relentless and negative campaign advertising, saying the mudslinging distracted the public from important issues like the economy and illegal immigration.

Totes! Ha ha, I mean like why isn't anyone talking about illegal immigration in Arizona of all places, lately?? Perhaps they completed the danged fence or maybe Gov. GI Jan Brewer is simply too busy fighting National Socialist threats like her heroic Nazi-hunting father to bother?

But now that America can rest assured knowing its collective grandfather will be around for as long as his frustratingly hearty genes allow him to continue selling his soul for power, the political watchdogs over at Esquire have gone ahead and crunched the numbers to find just how much of John Cindy McCain's beer fortune the old man blew to defeat an actual cartoon character and win Arizona's GOP senate primary.

Turns out, it is indeed possible to put a very large and very comical price per vote on what it cost the McCains to eke out an unimpressive victory in the hot, abandoned drug 'n Mexican-overrun wasteland known as Arizona.

So, with 56 percent of the vote (compared to J.D. Hayworth's 32 percent), the ol' maverHACK received approximately 281,347 votes. And considering the $21 million cost of his campaign, some simple elementary math reveals everyone's favorite septuagenarian paid approximately $74.64 for each one of his unenthusiastic votes — $21 million ÷ 281,347 = $74.64.

Now, it's no secret McCain has always paid a premium for every winning vote, but to put this desperation in proper perspective, McCain's 1982 congressional campaign cost $13.54 per vote in inflation-adjusted dollars ($550,000 ÷ 89,116 votes = $13.54), while the 2008 presidential race only cost him $5.03 per lever pull ($293 million ÷ 58.3 million votes = $5.03), but then again Johnny did have the natural advantage of running against an actual colored person, in America, which ya know always helps.

Besides, at this rate the McCain/Budweiser fortune should be totally shot by the next couple o' Senate races. Then, the grumpy old coot can finally go home, Cindy can again relapse into a Rx haze, and John McCain can return to starring in hilarious commercials wandering the vast Arizona desert searching for (white!) people to pay off in exchange for their vote.

But, if he were really smart, he would stop wasting his Cindy's money. For the price of just one vote, McCain could have hired like three illegals because you don't need a green card or English skills to know better than having a demented, old man wander the scary, illegal-filled wilderness of Arizona, alone and unarmed.

But, give the old man some credit. At least someone's still pumping money into this limp, lifeless economy.

Even if it's only to keep their own limp, lifeless carcass in the Senate, and out of some posh retirement community in Scottsdale. At Cindy's insistence, of course.

Someone Get This Man A Hot Dog. For God's Sake, I'd Say He's Earned It!

$arah Palin's Newest Much-Anticipated Tribute To Hooked-On-Phonics Hits Shelves In November

So little time, so much money to be made! Whatever is a gal to do?

Well, if that gal happens to be a certain Arctic princess and Alaskan cash cow by the name of $arah Palin, then you betcha she'll be moo, baby mooing all the way to the friggin' bank!

Because the woman can literally do anything. And by "do anything," I naturally mean read aloud the very difficult, one-to-syllable words she scribbled on her hand to some medium-smart college kids in California for like some ungodly sum of money, not to mention first-class travel accommodations and all the bells 'n whistles that come with being a true American hero. And budding literary legend.

Wink, wink.

All our li'l snowflake has to do is find another amazing, likewise talented maverick, whose vocabulary contains enough words to pen an actual book (like maybe the same literary wizard behind Going Rogue) and voila!

$arah makes even more moose piles of money, and the rest of us poor schmucks get America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag, likely the best, most important book of the year, decade, century, EVER, judging by that last Palin-Vincent magnum opus.

And this time, the second instant classic from $arah's famed, ghostwritten collection is not even about her favoritest subject (herself, duh!). Which is a shame really because much like her unparalleled literary prowess, $arah Palin is the single most interesting, amazing, patriotic human to ever grace the face of the Earth.

And like Jesus before her and maybe also Glenn Beck, $arah is here to deliver the truth to the good people of America who don't live in any of the 50 biggest cities (or their metropolitan areas, or anywhere near elitist things like libraries and coffee shops) about some good, old fashioned 'merican values, Barracuda style.

Sarah Palin's tribute to American values will include "selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her," according to HarperCollins, along with "the nation's founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies."

Like the Deer Hunter and American Pie 2!

The book is inspired not only by her "strong belief in the importance of family, faith, and patriotism," but by some of the people she met last year while promoting "Going Rogue." Palin skipped major cities such as Seattle and Los Angeles, traditional stops on most author tours, and instead focused on smaller communities more receptive to her conservative message.

Population 300 or less? Ya know, more of the 24hr nudie-bar, gun shops, billboards about gays and hell, and Obamar is Muslin crowd!

"The book will also include portraits of some of the extraordinary men and women she admires and who embody her deep love of country, her strong rootedness in faith, and her profound love and appreciation of family," the statement from HarperCollins reads.

Ooooh goody! Does that include surprise miracle of God's that come from unwed teenage daughters having drunken one night stands in the back of hubby Todd's pickup truck?

While the e-book for Going Rogue came out several weeks after the hardcover, this time, the digital edition for "America By Heart" will be available at the same time. Yay?

Because, either way, you betcha $arah's gonna get real paid!

And if you even so much as think about illegally downloadin', copying, or whatever you crazy kids do on that devil machine with the series of tubes, think again! $arah will find some way to charge you, be it $25.99 for the hard cover, $12.99-$14.99 for the e-book, or on five felony counts of fraud and identity theft in a court of law. For freedom!

And no matter what happens, the important thing is $arah still gets fabulously rich, America gets a second helping of Wasilla's semi-literate answer to Mother Theresa (Medusa?) in the form of a children's book about flags, evil 22-year-old cyber criminals who illegally download e-books or guess idiot passwords former half-term governors use for their super-secret official state emails get to rot in a jail cell for oh, fifty or so years, and justice is once again served!

Sunny side-up (colors separate!), oil-saturated, with a moderate-to-heavy risk of Salmonella poisoning.

Harry Reid's Dirty, Sexy Thoughts On Republicans' Dirty, Sexy, Money

Frustrated over the excruciatingly slow, molasses-like pace of financial reform in the Senate, courtesy of the Grand Obstructionist Party's reluctance to so much as even open debate (it only took three separate tries!) or move forward in any way, shape, or form (progress is evil!), sweet talkin' senate majority leader "Dirty" Harry Reid blasted the trick-turnin' Republicans for refusing to stop whoring themselves out to the big pimpin' high rollers on Wall Street, like one of Spitzer's many favorite high-class call girls.

Citing weeks-long talks between top negotiators Chris Dodd (D-Conn.) and Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) going nowhere, as well as the not one, not two, but three procedural votes needed to even open debate, as evidence of the Republicans' reluctance to move forward on the legislation, Reid slammed the corner-hustling street walkers comprising the Republican Party.

Guess even a meek ol' Mormon like Harry has a breaking point.

"The Republicans are having difficulty determining how they're going to continue making love to Wall Street," Reid said. "It's obvious that they do not want to put any decent restrictions on what Wall Street has done or are doing."

And why, on God's Green (for now) Earth, would they either? No one knows how to give 'em the full body rubdown quite like the strong, able hands of Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse (with their exotic oils and blends, and those smooth European hands!).

Besides, the only other hands with the sweet touch the GOP craves was already booked by minister George Alan Rekers, who needed some sweet man handlin' himself while off pretending to be straight in Europe and Bermuda, with the hot piece of man tail he hired on a gay escort service site.

But not everyone, especially those the comments were specifically directed at, appreciates the sexytime thoughts of an old Mormon senator from Nevada.

"Considering Nevada's unemployment stands at 13%, Senator Reid would be well-advised to get his mind off sex and onto getting America's economy back on track," National Republican Senatorial Committee Communications Director Brian Walsh said.

Like a certain responsible, lesbian-bondage club thumpin' RNC Chairman, Michael "Balls Of" Steele?

But Harry don't care 'bout what lies those greedy ho's be pushin' on the American peeps, and is standing (firmly) by his comments.

Asked for clarification, Reid's spokesman Jim Manley said, "What can I say? It's true. Republicans are making love to Wall Street while Main Street is getting screwed.”

Ooooh, sounds sexy!

Now, that's not completely fair. I mean, if Main Street didn't want it so bad, how come they're always begging for it, with their low-cut tank tops, and black, lace-up, f**k-me boots?

Ugh, those mom 'n pop sluts on Main Street!

Either way, a Republican-version of a new Wall Street reform bill was voted down 38-61 on Thursday, with two Republicans joining all 59 Democrats to blue-ball the GOP's so-called consumer-protection bill, which President Obama blasted as "worse than the status quo."

"I will not allow amendments like this one written by Wall Street's lobbyists to pass for reform," Obama said.

But, Deputy Treasury Secretary Neal Wolin called talk of a possible veto "premature."

No doubt, a criticism the Grand Old Party of impotent white men have heard on more than one occasion.

"We're just trying to make sure consumers have the tools and information to make sensible choices with their financial resources," said Sen. Jack Reed (D-R.I.). "But unfortunately, it appears the other side of the aisle wants to make it appear they are strengthening consumer protection when they are really not doing much but just enforcing the status quo."

You mean like pretending they're packing more than just a semi-automatic 9mm Glock in their pants?

"We're doing this to provide a more rational and constructive alternative to what our Democratic colleagues are trying to slip by the American people," Sen. Richard Shelby said.

Ummm, don't you mean slip in the American people, Senator?

"It will create a massive new bureaucracy whose power and autonomy has no current equivalent to anywhere in the federal government. It can do whatever it wants, whenever it wants without any supervision or real check on its authority."

Just how the GOP likes it!

Huge, rough, insatiable, unprotected, and forced to take whatever Big Daddy shoves in their gagged-and-bound, leather mask-covered face.

"Alternatives that gut consumer protections and do nothing to empower the American people by cracking down on unfair and predatory practices are unacceptable, and I urge the Senate to vote no on weakening consumer protections and instead stand with the American people," President Obama said.

Only if you get down on both knees and beg. But you might want to steer clear of the words "urge" and "predatory."

Otherwise, they could be (mis)construed as something waaaaaay different than Wall Street reform.

Like say a Republican donor meeting, or something perverted like that.

It's Not Stealing When Your Name is Michael Steele

Waaaasup peeps, it's big pimpin', off-the-hook chairman Michael Steele rolling all large and phat with his boyz in the Republican National Committee like the badass mofo that he is.

Only problem is, thanks to the big spendin' ways of Mr. Balls of Steele, the RNC is almost as broke as the rest of those pathetic weasels and miscreants trying to get Uncle Sam to pay for every silly life-saving procedure their little malfunctioning hearts desire.

Turns out, the Republican Party is raking in the dough...except of course for the part that Michael Steele runs. And a 2009 spending spree has left the Republican National Committee with its worst election-year cash flow this decade. That's whack, yo!

Thing is, when Michael Steele took over as the hippest chairman and dopest youth liaison to ever grace the Republican National Committee, the organization was ballin', with $22.8 million in cash and no debt. But ever since the Steele man started calling the shots, the RNC suddenly finds itself with only $8.7 million in the bank heading into a year with 37 governors’ races, a dozen major Senate races, and dozens more races in the House. What up wit dat!?

According to one RNC official: "It is very troubling, and the thing is, most people don’t understand this. But it is really troubling."

"They’re spending money at 2002 levels when they are not raising money at those levels,” said another GOP operative. "That kind of thing worked when RNC was awash in money, but you can't do that in this environment."

Apparently, idiocy only works for Republicans during bull markets.

"Steele's setting us far back with his comments and it needs to stop," one senior Senate aide said, adding that the RNC chairman was a "fool."

Good thing is there are plenty of people willing to "take care" of the (Michael Steele) problem--for a price. Of course, getting him to shut that big trap of his costs extra.

"He has made no progress in walking back the recent comments (about the GOP's inability to lead)...In fact, he dug the hole deeper by appearing unprepared and uneducated...Aides are collaborating with each other, both on and off the Hill, on ways to keep him quiet."

How hard can it be? Just give the dude something fun and sparkly to play with. That should keep him busy for the next couple of days or so. Or at least long enough to not destroy the party before the 2010 elections.

Then it's time for the Steele to shine. Or rust. Either way.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems: The Life of Big Pimpin' RNC Chairman Michael Steele

Oh shit yo! A certain off-the-hook chairman of the equally hip Grand Old Party of old white men and former slave-owners is taking some heat for some questionable activities involving his lucrative side-venture moonlighting as a paid speaker while still charged with the very important task of continuously embarrassing his party as the super-savvy chairman and dopest youth liaison the RNC has ever seen.

What up wit dat?

Apparently, some people like every former Republican National Committee Chairman to ever come before him thinks that charging colleges upwards of $12,000 to hear Michael Steele spit some flow about why he's no ordinary 51-year-old cow-on-the-tracks chairman, while not technically illegal, is not exactly what they'd call eh, classy for the national face of the party.

Why they gotta hate on the man just for takin' care of his bizness, yo?

Man, these cats ain't playing neither, busting out at the Steele man just for rolling all phat and large. In the Washington Times, yo! That's like family, it ain't right!

• "Holy mackerel, I never heard of a chairman of either party ever taking money for speeches," said Frank J. Fahrenkopf Jr., RNC chairman under President Reagan and CEO of the American Gaming Association. "The job of a national chairman is to give speeches. That's what the national party pays him for. We didn't have a rule book back then, but being national chairman was and is a full-time job."


• "It just doesn’t look right using RNC resources and trading on the title of chairman to make outside money," said Rich Bond, another former Republican national chairman. "When I became chairman...There were no written rules about taking money back then. Still, I decided accepting the money would get me in trouble."

• "The job demands so much of your time that you can work 24/7 and not get everything done, so taking time out to speak for the benefit of one's own bank account is not appropriate," former RNC chairman and Veterans Affairs secretary under George W. Bush, Jim Nicholson said.

Why they gotta hate on the man just for getting his greens on? He is a Republican and this is America, dog!

Good thing someone has his back, like RNC spokesperson Gail Gitcho:

"This is silly. Many Democrat and Republican national chairmen have regularly received outside income. Michael Steele has been giving inspirational speeches based on his personal story long before he was elected RNC chairman and will long after. Chairman Steele of course does not receive compensation for any speeches conducted in his duties as chairman. He is more than a full-time chairman, is in complete compliance with all RNC rules and regulations, and is wholly focused on growing the Republican Party."

Awww, snap! Hear that y'all??

Ain't nothin' wrong wit being a baller, especially if your name is Michael "Balls of" Steele. Then you roll like the first-class travelin', all expenses paid, $20 G's a pop, $223,500-a-year RNC piiiiimp that you are.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game. For reals yo.

Not Even The Gecko Would Be Caught Dead On Glenn Beck's Program

It's hard to believe that every once in a while in this hedonist playground we call America, terrible and offensive behavior is not rewarded with book deals and talk shows, but actually brings with it certain consequences.

Like in the case of Fox News host Glenn Beck, who experienced first-hand the sort of financial penalty that comes with being an insane racist shrieking nutjob: advertisers flee from you like the god damn bubonic plague.

Big, money-filled companies like Geico, Proctor & Gamble, Progressive Insurance, and Sargento have all yanked their advertisements from everyone's favorite blue-eyed commentator's nightly dose of racist ranting and nonsensical blather known as the Glenn Beck Program.

Apparently, some thin-skinned advertisers have this crazy idea that associating their product with a guy who accuses the president of not only hating the white half of himself but three-fourths of America too, may not be so good for business after all.

According to Northwestern professor and marketing expert John Greening, "Beck's demagoguery crossed the line of the socially expected taste level, and I can't think of a company on the planet who wants to be a part of that conversation. It is a no-brainer to pull your ads."

Whether his show survives "depends on Beck's level of contrition or how he explains it. But unless he does something to rehabilitate himself, he has probably crossed the line into obscurity."

Don't be silly! The good people of America will never tire of their golden-haired angel of truth. The real patriots of this nation will continue tuning in every night to hear the brilliant analysis and unflinching commentary of Fox News' shining star and messenger to the people, Glenn Beck.

All 1% percent of them.

The Devil Wears Prada? You Betcha!

Unlike those elitist liberals who bathe in the sweat and tears of decent, hard-working folk like you and me, America's favorite Alaskan snow bunny sure knows how the "real America" lives.

Sarah Palin, the poster babe for "small-town values," understands the struggles millions of hard-working Americans face everyday, trying to make ends meet in these trying financial times.

It is for these very Americans that Palin patriotically used $150,000 in GOP donor funds on clothes and accessories since her September unveiling.

Palin simply loves America too much to let its fine citizens be exposed to some fashion-challenged eyesore from Wasilla, Alaska's premier Meth capital.

It is clearly her deep love and respect for all the "Joe Six-Packs" and "Joe The Plumbers" out there that compelled Palin to shed her shabby Wasilla duds for some classier, VP-worthy attire, like her reasonably priced $2,500 Valentino jacket and $400 not-made-in-USA glasses.

We know Palin had only the interests of the "real America" at heart when she ventured into that godless wasteland she calls "fake America" to drop $49,425.74 at Saks Fifth Avenue and another $75,062.63 at Neiman Marcus (um, bargain!) so she could go clean-up Washington and make it work for the people again.

Like the true maverick she is.

What we don't know is what the hell this shlub is spending his campaign's money on, since he obviously doesn't care about either this country or his appearance. Wait, did he re-sole his shoes with chewing gum??

Ugh, typical elitist.