Sunday, November 30, 2008

If You Don't Remember It, It Never Happened!

Ignorance Is Bliss!

Not content with just going down as the worst president in U.S. history, George W. Bush made a last-minute effort to also secure his rightful place as the most delusional president ever to grace the Oval Office

In between colorful doodles of rainbows and butterflies, still-president Bush reflected on his eight blissful years in office during a White House interview on Friday.
"I'd like to be a president (known) as somebody who liberated 50 million people and helped achieve peace."
Well, no worries there, Dubya. I mean what better way to describe Bush than peace-loving freedom fighter who liberated millions?

Like the millions he liberated from the false impression that he could be a competent, effective leader. And the millions he liberated from believing the GOP might actually care about the struggles of average Americans like themselves.

Oh and let's not forget the throngs of people around the world Bush freed from being tricked into feeling "sympathy and solidarity" for the United States in the wake of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

If it wasn't for the heroism of Dubya, imagine how many people might still wrongly believe the United States was a just, peace-loving nation that uses its power to help those struggling and oppressed??

First Lady and all-around doll Laura Bush at his side, national hero George W. continued to wax poetic about his deep faith and even deeper commitment to moral decency.
"I would like to be a person remembered as a person who, first and foremost, did not sell his soul in order to accommodate the political process. I came to Washington with a set of values, and I'm leaving with the same set of values."
Duh! Everyone knows a man with as strong a faith as Bush, would never sell their soul for political ends.

They would only rent it. To Dick Cheney. For like max 8 years.

If You'll Just Sign Along The Dotted Line

Friday, November 28, 2008

Unemployed Campaign Reporters: Will Work For Food

Here's A Hint: Put Down The Freakin' Doughnut Fatty!

Now that the election is over, some campaign reporters are finding it difficult to adjust to the suddenly fatter, heftier, unemployed versions of their former selves.

Yes, the post-campaign return to "normal" life can be quite daunting, especially for those used to the frenetic pace and 24/7 gorge fest of the presidential campaign.

Time’s Karen Tumulty, who covered the Obama campaign, put the gut-busting experience in perspective:

“So what are we talking about?" Tumulty writes. "Seven full meals plus multiple snacks? 50,000 calories? And the only real exercise I got all day was unloading my bag from the plane, our weird little ritual at the end of the day.”

“Three meals a day itself is quite a culture shock after this,” she adds.

Ah yes, the American campaign trail. The only trail with the dubious distinction of leaving you fatter, lazier, and more pathetically out-of-shape the longer you've been running on it.

Take A Load Off, Old Man!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Giving Thanks For Presidential Term Limits

Can You Guess Which One's The Turkey?

While our current Bozo-in-chief's pre-Thanksgiving activities included warding off the unwanted advances of a wayward Turkey and blessing the public with yet another comic photo op, terrorist-turned president-elect Barack Obama was his usual holier-than-thou self, delivering food and good cheer at a Chicago-area food bank.

The entire Obama clan, including daughters Sasha and Malia, were on hand to pass out food and spread the holiday spirit to those less fortunate, a family tradition that Barack says helps his daughters "learn the importance of how fortunate they are and to make sure they're giving back."

Hmm, sounds like socialism to me.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Publicity Stunt Or Proof There Is A God?

Ugh, not this crazy bitch again.

When I saw sultry blond she-devil Ann Coulter back in the news, I figured she'd either made another insane comment about how "we need to immediately bomb Canada" or was trying to hawk her newest literary abomination masking itself as a book about how the Left hates America and also eats children.

Turns out I was only half-right.

Yes, anorexic Republican whore is (of course) promoting her latest contribution to the downfall of the written word:
"Guilty: Liberal "Victims" And Their Assault On America."

But this time around, Miss Coulter might not be quite as outspoken as she'd like.

Proving that yes, there is a God, word comes that right-wing darling Ann Coulter broke her jaw and needs to have her mouth WIRED SHUT!!

Yes, ladies and gentleman of this good nation, your hopes and dreams and prayers have finally been answered.

The bitch has effectively been muzzled!

A Shining Pearl Of Wisdom From AC's Past

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Still-President George W. Bush Stays Busy As Ever

"Hmm, Wonder If Laura's Gonna Like My Awesome New Poncho!"

You may think still-president George W. Bush has nothing better to do than spend his days lounging around the White House, poking at the staff, getting in Laura's way, and annoying everyone with his "awesome" new magic tricks.

Well, rest assured George is making the most of his final few months of absolute-if not-occasionally-lonely power.

In between his busy schedule of donning a Peruvian poncho and dancing around like a douche, President Bush still found time to ensure that law and justice rule the land
by pardoning 14 convicted criminals on offenses ranging from cocaine and marijuana charges to wildlife violations, bank embezzlement and government property theft.

Sure, George might not have a problem with unlawful detention, "enhanced" interrogation techniques like water-boarding, blindfolding and binding detainees, or even torturing the occasional Muslim terrorist.

But, kill three bald eagles in southeast Missouri or get mixed up in some crazy food-stamp or illegal hazardous waste scheme?

No worries, Dubya's got your back!

"Wait, I Think I Got It Now"

"Oh, I'm Gonna Miss You Two!"

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bush To Obama: Good Night, And Good Luck!

Money. Chances are you don't have any.

Maybe you did at one time, but thanks to a combination of corporate greed and government incompetence, you're lucky if you can scrape together loose change in between your couch cushions.

Luckily, this time around we decided to elect a leader with brains. The problem is he doesn't formally become president until January, so until then, we still have to pretend to care what that goofball president we've been blessed with for the last eight years says.

So while lame duck president George W. Bush dazzled the crowd with the new Lego town he's been working on, boring intellectual elitist and thank-god soon-to-be-president Barack Obama unveiled his economic team and urged Congress to pass a costly, job-creating stimulus bill as quickly as possible.

(Hint: As quickly as possible means anytime in the next 57 days before he is officially inaugurated.)

While God, I mean Obama, emphasized the importance of acting swiftly and boldly to tackle the economic crisis, he did have some sharp words for the wizards in charge of Detroit's "Big Three" automakers, who are requesting a $25 billion dollar government bailout to help save the industry they single-handedly ran into the ground.

While Obama admitted that "we can't allow the auto industry to vanish," he said giving a "blank check for an industry resistant to change was not the solution to its long-term decline."

Translation: Next time you fly to Washington to convince Congress to bail your ass out after greedily bankrupting an entire industry, it would be probably be to your advantage to forgo the luxury private jet and instead slum around with the other pathetic povs flying coach.

Or if you can't hold your noses for that long, perhaps it dawned on you three geniuses that the old automobile (I am assuming you do know what a car is) can be used as a cheaper alternative for moving from point A to point B.

Oh wait, I forgot who we are dealing with here. Everyone knows GM, Ford, and Chrysler don't make cars reliable enough to get from Detroit to DC.

But you guys already knew that, didn't you?

The "Big Three" A**holes Crying Poor To Congress

Fear And Loathing In The Press Corps

Aside from social pariah George W. Bush, there are few things less popular in this country than the mainstream media.

The key difference of course being that unlike, Dubya, the media actually realizes it deserves to be tarred, feathered, and tied to a whipping post.

So, what unforgivable sin did the evil, elitist liberal media commit to spark such outrage within its own ranks?

They favored secret Muslim terrorist Barack Obama over American war hero and wizened elder John S. McCain. Gasp!

The love affair with BHO was so bad that Time magazine's Mark Halperin called "the media's extreme pro-Obama bias, the most disgusting failure of people in our business since the Iraq war."

You are so right.

The media acting like rational human beings and favoring the cool, collected candidate with the virtually flawless campaign over the erratic old man with a trainwreck of a campaign and an insane running mate is an unforgivable crime.

Far, far worse worse than the media demanding zero accountability from its torture-crazed, wiretapping-happy government, blindly rushing to support wars based on false intelligence, failing to properly investigate the administration's bungling of national tragedies like Hurricane Katrina, and ignoring real issues in order to chatter endlessly about terrorist fist jabs, lipstick-wearing pit bulls, and the plight of real Americans like Joe The Plumber and Dora The Explorer.

When is the wretched media gonna finally learn it is NEVER okay to obsess over a smart, charming, chocolate-skinned man with chiseled abs and a clear vision for the country.

But, worshiping a psycho Alaskan woman with an IQ barely in the double digits?

Now that's patriotic duty!

Sexy Right-Wing Nutjob Celebrities Only Please!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Turkeys Murdered As Palin Cheerfully Takes Questions From Media

You Think Ice Warrior Sarah Is Scared Of A Little Turkey Slaughtering?

Ugh. I promised myself I wouldn't waste another post talking about
dumb GOP bimbo Sarah Palin. But then she goes and does something frighteningly bizarre and I find myself right back on the Palin freak show express.

So in case you were wondering, the answer is no, Sarah Palin is not afraid of a little good old fashioned turkey massacre. Blood, guts, and turkeys being shoved into Fargo-style meat grinders doesn't bother her one bit. It really helps capture the whole holiday spirit!

But, you know what is brutal?

Being a hot VP candidate in sexist America.

"I May Be Dumb, But I Sure Ain't Stupid!"

Friday, November 21, 2008

NRA Up In Arms Over Obama's Desire To Have Law Abiding Cabinet Members

Easy, Cowboy!

Gun nuts across the nation are up in arms over Socialist President-Elect Barack Obama's latest attempt to strip away Americans precious Second Amendment right to bear arms.

Turns out Obama's transition team is poking its nose into the personal life of potential cabinet appointees, asking outrageous questions about gun ownership.

At the end of the application, No. 59 out of 63 total, listed under miscellaneous, is the question:
“Do you or any members of your immediate family own a gun? If so, provide complete ownership and registration information. Has the registration ever lapsed? Please also describe how and by whom it is used and whether it has been the cause of any personal injuries or property damage.”
Can you believe the nerve of that man asking potential high-level advisers whether they pack heat while out for dinner or sleep with a loaded magnum under their pillow or just like the feel of cold hard metal and steel wrapped around their fingers?

It is clearly all part of his grand master plot to destroy America and turn it into a hippie commune where everyone smells like incense and plays bongos around the bonfire while passing 'round a peace pipe.

Despite the Obama team's insistence that the question is simply a procedural measure of caution, the NRA isn't about to let America turn into Woodstock on its watch, and have already filed legislation protesting inclusion of the gun question.

Besides, George W. Bush never had such a question when he took office in 2000.

And his vice-president only shot one person in the face while in office.

So maybe Mr. Barack Hussein Obama shouldn't jump the...uh, uh, broom here.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Revenge Of The Nerds: Global Leader Edition!

Unless still-president George W. Bush has the Ebola virus, I would say the refusal by every world leader to shake the man's hand at last weekend's G20 Economic Summit probably has something to do with them hating every single thing his administration has done over the last eight years.

I like to call it the grownup version of the bully on the playground finally getting what he deserves after years of brutal spitball soaked, pigtail pulling terror.

But instead of getting his underwear painfully pulled over his head, Bush gets the cold shoulder, er handshake from basically every major world leader (you know you've screwed up when even the Dutch Finance Minister refuses to shake your hand!)

But don't despair, Dubya! It's not all bad. I hear Estonia and Zimbabwe are waiting for you in the sandbox.

Oh how the mighty fall!

Bush In Brighter Days

A "Jewish Problem?" Please, Not For Mr. Baruch Obama!

Baruch Being A Good Jew At The Wailing Wall In Jerusalem

He Loves America And Israel, Too!

Looks like we'll need to find another group to blame now that the Jews are off the hook.

Barack Hussein Obama's so-called "Jewish problem"--you know, the one the media predicted would cost him the elderly Jewish Mecca of Florida and as a result, the election itself, never quite panned out.

Then why all the fuss?

Well for starters, as a general rule, Jews don't necessarily flock to vote for secret Muslim terrorists with the middle name Hussein.

They also just adore those Clintons and consider them to be honorary tribesman, so many were understandably miffed when that dark unknown guy with the weird name beat their beloved Hillary to win the nomination.

It took a little time but eventually even the older, more set-in-their-ways Jews warmed up to the man, as everyone, save for those with the worst cataracts, began to see what a mench Obama was.

John McCain, his new running mate Sarah Palin, and a crumbling economy basically took care of the rest.

If there is one thing Jews do not want to see, it is the "more experienced" presidential candidate handling money-related matters like a panicky school girl, albeit a white-haired one, wrinkly one.

Next on the list would probably be some right wing Alaskan nut job, who thought Jews had horns until the day before she accepted the VP nomination, wailing and shrieking about her deep love for Israel.

So, I guess it is safe to say that Barack Obama's whole Jewish problem turned out to be nothing at all.

With one big exception of course:

"Who Me, Harmless Ol' Joe Lieberman?"

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sen. Stevens Fall From Grace Pins Dems Hopes On Diaper Wearing Comedian Named Al

Aw, Shucks!

Alaska voters have finally given the boot to senatorial fossil Ted Stevens and instead elected the first Democrat to represent Alaska in Congress in nearly three decades.

After a grueling two-week-long process of counting nearly 90,000 absentee and early votes from across Alaska, Democratic Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich was finally able to unseat one of the giants in the U.S. Senate and claim victory by a 3,724-vote margin for basically being the only candidate who is not also a convicted felon.

Congratulations! We are so very proud.

But better yet, is that Stevens' ouster gives Democrats 58 seats in the Senate, edging them ever closer to the holy grail of 60--the number necessary for a filibuster-proof majority.

So, what fine candidates have the Democrats pinned their hopes and dreams of sweet partisan revenge after years of GOP manhandling and domination?

Basically, the Democrats need some blah blah white dude from Georgia named James Francis "Jim" Martin to defeat another boring southern white dude with a weird name, Republican incumbent Saxby Chambliss.

Saxby? Really? What does that even mean? I don't think that's a real word. In any case, neither are interesting enough to deserve a picture.

Apparently, the unofficial motto of the state is: "Minnesota, We're Weirder Than You Think!"

Yes, the same state that gave us Jesse "The Body" Ventura for Governor now brings us another wild showdown for its senate seat.

Democrat and former SNL comedian Al Franken is creeping ever closer to unseating dirty hippie turned uptight Republican Norm Coleman whose marginal lead prompted an automatic recount to be completed by Dec. 5--if all goes well.

Normally, I wouldn't feel too comfortable resting the Democrats' hope on a man in bunny ears and diapers, but when you compare him to the rest of the colorful cast of characters in Minnesota's recent political history, I gotta say I'm feeling pretty good about the Dems chances right about now.

Former SNL Star Al Franken: The Dems Great White Hope!

Young, Freewheelin' Sen. Norm Coleman Before Seeing The GOP Light

Proud Former Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura In All His Pink Boa Glory

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Brazilian Stock Broker Prefers Death Over Market Reality

Don't worry, America, things have pretty much gone to hell for Brazil's stock market, too.

It's gotten so bad in fact that one distraught Brazilian trader shot himself in the chest in the middle of Sao Paulo's commodities and futures exchange pit.

Talk about a rough day at work.

Paulo Sergio Silva, 36, a trader for Brazilian banking giant Itau was so upset over Brazil's crumbling financial markets and plunging stock values that he decided to end his life right there in the crowded exchange pit, where an average of $21 billion dollars changes hands every day.

But much like the notion of the free market correcting itself, Silva's move didn't work out exactly as planned.

Silva survived his suicide attempt and is not only still broke, but now has a whole new set of problems to deal with, perhaps none bigger than the (self-inflicted) bullet that remains lodged in his chest.

And to add insult to injury, investor confidence plunged even further on the news that not only is Brazil's stock market hemorrhaging money, its most high profile traders can't even manage to kill themselves without something going wrong.

Talk about a doozie.

Mayday, Mayday!

Will Bill's Antics Be Hillary's Undoing (Yet Again)?

The Lady Accepts--Or Does She?

While us slouches here in the U.S. media were apparently twiddling our thumbs, our overseas source
for breaking U.S. political news, the Guardian, was busy getting the scoop on America's fave scorned heroine (now that that hussy Sarah Palin's finally gone back to Siberia or wherever the hell she's from).

Are you ready for it??

Although she knows she'd still make the best commander-in-chief,
Hillary Rodham Clinton has humbly decided to accept Barack Obama's Secretary of State offering! If you believe British newspapers, that is.

For those of you who prefer homegrown news sources, the Washington Post has a slightly different take:

"If Sen. Clinton can sort out her husband's global work -- which has made him an international philanthropic powerhouse but also earned him millions in speaking fees from foreign companies, creating obvious potential conflicts-of-interest -- she would have a good, if not completely certain, shot at it."
So basically if Hill can keep a leash on hubby Bill and all the drama surrounding his many foreign entanglements, she can have the job.

Looks like Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton will be back in Congress after all!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Barack Obama Urges White House To Move Beyond Snail Mail And Hieroglyphics

What On Earth Are Those Weird Metal Boxes With Tubes Coming Out Of Them?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the highest ranking government officials in this country still use stone-age level technology.

I guess when you live in the most technologically advanced nation in the world, you just kind of assume that the people in charge of running the damn place have moved well beyond papyrus and quill tip pens.

You'd be wrong.

Apparently, renegade new president Barack Obama, who happens to be a big fan of his Blackberry (and the first president to know it's more than just a fruit!) will be forced to sign off before he arrives at the White House due to
privacy and security concerns.

Yep, some dumb rule called the Presidential Records Act could prevent Barack Obama from becoming the first emailing president, unless Mr. Trendsetter finds a way to knock down yet another barrier--or in this case, firewall.

However, being the young, spry, 21st century man that he is, Barack Obama may make technological history by bringing another fruity named piece of modern technology into the White House: the Apple computer.

Obama hopes to have an Apple laptop (He's a mac man of course!) on his desk in the Oval Office, which would make him the first American president ever to do so.

Forget the first African American president, after 44 tries, we elected the first Internets using, porn surfing, 'the google' searching, blackberry loving, facebook creeping, bbm messaging, mp3 downloading, hipster-in-chief, leader of the free world. OMG LOL!

See, Kids He Loves His Crackberry Too!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

No Country For Old Men?

Well look at Mr. Perfect over here.

Not only does Obama gracefully withstand his opponents' unfounded attacks on his record, patriotism, faith, character, and anything else they could muster to coolly crush the old man's White House hopes, but now he takes his "Jesus Act" one step further and extends a peace offering to his bitter enemy and former presidential rival John McCain.

President elect and chronic do-gooder Barack Obama is slated to meet with John McCain on Monday in Chicago to discuss ways the two can cooperate together to tackle the pressing economic woes facing the country.

Advisers to both men deny rumors that Obama is considering McCain for a cabinet position, despite his apparent affinity for appointing several potential Judas figures to high-ranking posts in his administration.

But we're not counting out Johnny Mac for a nice "conciliatory" position in Obama's administration just yet. Something that utilizes his strengths in a gesture of good faith and bipartisan spirit.

After all, Obama is gonna need someone to become his new 'White House Liaison To The Elderly.'

And who better than the old man himself?

What Better Time For A Quick Snooze Than A Boring State Of Union Address?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hey, Since When Are Men More Qualified To Be Secretaries Than Women?

So it appears the weirdly uncomfortable Obama-Clinton-Richardson trio from the primaries has once again reared its ugly head.

It all started when Gov. Richardson spit on Hillary (and Bill's!) faces by endorsing that nightmarish fairy tale Barack Obama for President, even though the Clinton's basically put his ass on the map by giving him that plum Secretary of Energy gig back in the good days when Bill and Hilly still ran the show.

And now the treacherous Gov. Richardson has decided to throw a wrench in Hillary's plans once again, meeting with Obama over a possible Secretary of State position, the position she rightfully deserved. Bastard!

I mean can you believe the nerve of that man? Waltzing into Sec of State contention, like some oppressed minority trying to "make history" as the first Hispanic to hold such a high-ranking cabinet post.

Let's get one thing straight here, Mr. Richardson. There is only one
person left who can truly speak to the plight of the nation's last real struggling minority--female warrior Hillary Rodham Clinton!

Saluting Shattered Glass Ceilings Everywhere

Friday, November 14, 2008

Keep Friends Close And Enemies Closer

Aw, Hill, He'll Make It Up To You!

Is Barack Obama really about to tempt fate and commit the ultimate act of self-sabotage by appointing arch rival and estrogen-charged thorn-in-his-side Hillary Rodham Clinton as his trusted Secretary of State?

No one knows for sure. But the rumors are swirling.

And with 31 of the 47 people already named to transition or staff posts having ties to the Clinton administration, Obama figures why not complete his ultimate "Team of Rivals" by throwing the former first lady some Sec. of State love.

She'll be the first to tell you that she's certainly earned it.

I guess when Obama said he wanted to "bury the hatchet" with HRC after elections, he really meant give her a sharp, shiny new hatchet, put a big bulls-eye on his back, and in true Obama style, continue to hope for the best.

"Change She Now Believes In"

Thursday, November 13, 2008

McCain Agrees To Help Saxby Chambliss Lose Election In Georgia

At long last, the moment you've been waiting for: John McCain is back on the campaign trail!

Sure we all watched Johnny ham it up on the Tonight Show, laughing like a little girl about how he wasted the last two years of his life, compromised his integrity, all but ruined his reputation, picked some lunatic as his running mate, and sold out to the fringe right wing of his party all to return to the same damn senate seat (and same cold wife) he had before this whole "election" thing.

Ha ha, pure comic gold, Johnny!

Yes, in his first political appearance since losing the presidency to that lanky kid, McCain works his magic for another Republican he actually can't stand, Sen. Saxby Chambliss, who failed to capture 50 percent of the vote and now faces a Dec. 2 rematch with Democrat Jim Martin.

With his trademark forced smile masking a deep, simmering hatred and all the charisma of Ben Stein, McCain urges Georgia voters to make the right choice and elect Sen. Saxby Chambliss to the Senate.
"I didn't think I'd be back on the campaign trail quite this early. But there is a lot at stake here. ... I'm asking you to go into battle one more time."
Sure, McCain and Chambliss have had some disagreements in the past.

Like when McCain spoke out against a controversial ad Chambliss used in 2002 to question the national security credentials of his then-rival Democratic Sen. Max Cleland, a triple amputee wounded in Vietnam, calling Chambliss' ad featuring Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, "worse than disgraceful, it's reprehensible."

But the past is the past. And as McCain explains, now it is time for everyone to come together in support of ole Saxby.
"We let spending get out of control and it cost us a lot of our conservative base."
Which is exactly why it is so important to elect the very candidate whose party's reckless spending got us in this terrible financial crisis in the first place.

Looks like Johnny took a page right out of his own brilliant campaign book!

Johnny And Saxby Pal Around

Senate Race Tightens, As Alaskans Finally Realize The Internet May Be More Than "A Series Of Tubes"

"The Internet Is A Series Of Tubes!"
-Sen. Ted Stevens

The good people of Alaska have outdone themselves again. As if letting us borrow that gem of a governor wasn't enough, the fine citizens of Alaska remind us once again why they represent the very best that America has to offer.

Democratic Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich has taken his first lead over incumbent Republican senator and recently convicted felon Ted Stevens by a whopping margin of THREE VOTES! in Alaska's hotly contested senate race.

After counting some
41,000 absentee ballots today, Alaska has finally broken through the gridlock, with challenger Mark Begich leading Alaskan fossil Sen. Ted Stevens by the slimmest of margins, 125,019 votes to 125,016.

Although Stevens has been running the show in Alaska since before the state joined our happy union as proud #49 back in 1959, his political career went "down the non-internet tubes" after being convicted on seven felony counts of corruption and ethics violations just one week before the election.

There are still about 50,000 outstanding absentee ballots left to be counted, and in this state of mavericks, we know that anything can happen.

Like a little girl from Wasilla leading her high school basketball team all the way to the state championship en route to becoming mayor, then governor and almost even the Vice-President of the U.S. of A!

Or an 84-year-old seven-count-convicted felon who thinks the internet is a "series of tubes" can still be popular enough to win re-election, even if he will be legally barred from taking his seat, forcing that very same gal from Wasilla to replace him with an even better, less wrinkly, federally-investigated-though-not-actually-convicted option: Herself!

The Good Ol' Days

A Rougher Patch

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Declines McCain's Offer To Ruin His Political Life

Louisiana Governor and rising Republican star Bobby Jindal was never officially vetted by the McCain campaign as a serious vice-presidential candidate because, we were told,
"of his desire to continue on with his current job, to which he was elected just one year ago."

We didn't buy it then either.

Nobody wants to stay in Louisiana that badly.

So it comes as no surprise that a week after John McCain handily lost the election to Barack Obama, the real reasons Jindal declined the old man's VP vetting offer began trickling out (unlike say, economic wealth).

Turns out Mr. Bobby Jindal and his political team were freaked out that Jindal "might actually wind up the pick," and be caught up "a less-than-stellar campaign that could pin a loss on Jindal without much ability to change or control the direction of the contest."

I guess you could say they had a feeling, a hunch if you will, that McCain wasn't exactly riding the straight-talk express to victory.

And J-Dal wasn't about to go down with this sinking ship.

The logic of course being that if Jindal decided to run in 2012, he would be free of any taint of George W. Bush or John McCain.

And America could see him for who he really is: A 36-year old Indian-American with a baby face who is "100 percent anti-abortion with no exceptions," opposes stem cell research, gay marriage, and like many of his GOP cohorts, most progress in general.

Hey, come to think of it, he kind of reminds me of another young, good looking conservative on the Republican fast-track to success.

Before she became McCain's running mate and launched her new career as a stand-up comedian, that is.

Word is her new one-woman comedy routine "Going Rogue: Sarah Palin's Task From God" is a smashing success.

Thanks, Johnny!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hillary Clinton's Very Own "Rahmbo"

Ooooh, could there be something going on between Obama's former nemesis Hillary Rodham Clinton and his newly appointed White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel?

Conventional wisdom says no, but some bored reporters are apparently saying otherwise. Slow news day or steamy secret love affair?

The buzz started when Clinton, who met with President Bush to discuss the economic stimulus package on Tuesday, agreed to hold a conference call with reporters.

Amid the usual boring questions about Joe Lieberman's future and her thoughts on being a Senator during an Obama administration, the topic turned to juicier subjects like Rahm Emanuel, who also happened to be a staffer in hubby Bill Clinton's White House.

Clinton answered the first question, "Will Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff be good for New York’s interest?" with some dull non-controversial response about how Obama understands the needs of big cities and blah blah blah.

Nothing sensational here.

So the reporter probed a little further,
"Do you think that Rahm's going to be accessible to New Yorkers?"

"Rahm Emanuel?" Clinton asked with a smile in her voice. "He's going to be accessible to me."

Which could only mean one thing.

Sex kitten Hillary Rodham Clinton isn't getting her kicks from ol' hubby Bill and has instead turned to her personal "Rahmbo," sexy stud muffin Rahm Emanuel to satiate her womanly desires.

And judging from the picture, I think we have a pretty good idea why.

I mean, can you really blame the woman?